Trying to feel comfortable in new sorority

[33girl]

Originally Posted by HappyMom2

Thank you! I appreciate everything you all have said. I am trying to get her to focus on the one she got. I don't think it's true that her 1st choice just passed her over. With bids being guaranteed to both legacies (who put it down as 1st choice) and those who only had that one party to go to, it doesn't leave as many spots for everyone else. They did invite her to preference, so they did see something in her that they liked. I think she is wishing that she had let her 2nd and 3rd choice know during the 3rd round that her heart was somewhere else. Then, maybe they wouldn't have invited her back for preference and she would have gotten her 1st choice. But, we didn't know how it all works and she was open to everyone. Plus, I don't think she could have done that. Now, it is what it is and she needs to keep an open mind about the one she has.

First off, not all groups have a legacy guaranteed bid policy - even if they are at pref - so unless you saw that written on a website or policy handbook, I wouldn't assume that was a factor.

As far as girls with only that sorority left "edging out" your daughter because of guaranteed bids, that doesn't sound right either. Someone on here more versed in dealing with guaranteed bids and QAs will be able to explain that far better than I can.

[HappyMom2]

At her school, if you go to preference and rank all of the sororities you have at preference, you are guaranteed a bid. If that is the only party you have, you are guaranteed a bid to that sorority.

[33girl]

As I said, someone better versed in QAs than me will explain that. Suffice it to say it's not like a rollercoaster that can only hold x amount of people.

[HappyMom2]

I understand that. But if she had only had that one sorority at preference, she would have been guaranteed a bid. Either way, she didn't get it, but she did get a bid to a sorority that had her higher on their list. And I'll keep my fingers crossed that she feels like she fits in with them soon!

[TXDG]

Originally Posted by HappyMom2

I understand that. But if she had only had that one sorority at preference, she would have been guaranteed a bid. Either way, she didn't get it, but she did get a bid to a sorority that had her higher on their list. And I'll keep my fingers crossed that she feels like she fits in with them soon!

HappyMom2 is correct in her understanding that if her daughter had only only invitation to Pref she would have been guaranteed a bid to that house - either as part of primary Quota or as a Quota Addition.

The flaw in the daughter's thinking is that she could have controlled having house 2 & 3 release her. Unless she was planning on being downright rude about her desire to be elsewhere, hinting that she had found her home elsewhere would not get a pnm released from most chapters. Especially when those chapters saw something in her that made them think she was perfect for their sisterhood.

A lot of new members don't get their first choice and grow to love the sorority that chose them. The year I was President of my collegiate chapter, two of my VP's were girls who were in TEARS on our freshman Bid Day because DG was not their first choice. I vividly remember them on Bid Day. They got over it & bloomed where they were planted

Mom, I would encourage your daughter to put all her effort into immersing herself in the chapter that choose her. If there are not enough sisterhood events going in her opinion, she should round up all the new members who live in her dorm and go to dinner or coffee or whatever together. She is a member of a BIG group now and will need to understand that the sorority's purpose is not to entertain her and fawn all over her...she has to take responsibility for getting involved and putting herself out there to meet people.

If she still isn't feeling it, remind her she has two options: continue with this chapter or not be Greek at all. A bid to any other house - especially the one she didn't get - is not even a remote "guarantee" and may not even be a possibility.

[nydolphin]

I've seen this many times!! People on campus hype up the top chapters and talk down on the "lower tier" houses.. But there are phenomenal women in each house!

I hope she makes an effort to get to know her pledge class and older sisters. When both sides make an effort to get to know each other, she's bound to find her best friends.

Also, she is going to be a collegiate sorority member for 4 years max- and an alumna for so many! I actually had a little more fun as an alumna since I lived in the big cities.

Originally Posted by TXDG

HappyMom2 is correct in her understanding that if her daughter had only only invitation to Pref she would have been guaranteed a bid to that house - either as part of primary Quota or as a Quota Addition.

The flaw in the daughter's thinking is that she could have controlled having house 2 & 3 release her. Unless she was planning on being downright rude about her desire to be elsewhere, hinting that she had found her home elsewhere would not get a pnm released from most chapters. Especially when those chapters saw something in her that made them think she was perfect for their sisterhood.

A lot of new members don't get their first choice and grow to love the sorority that chose them. The year I was President of my collegiate chapter, two of my VP's were girls who were in TEARS on our freshman Bid Day because DG was not their first choice. I vividly remember them on Bid Day. They got over it & bloomed where they were planted

Mom, I would encourage your daughter to put all her effort into immersing herself in the chapter that choose her. If there are not enough sisterhood events going in her opinion, she should round up all the new members who live in her dorm and go to dinner or coffee or whatever together. She is a member of a BIG group now and will need to understand that the sorority's purpose is not to entertain her and fawn all over her...she has to take responsibility for getting involved and putting herself out there to meet people.

If she still isn't feeling it, remind her she has two options: continue with this chapter or not be Greek at all. A bid to any other house - especially the one she didn't get - is not even a remote "guarantee" and may not even be a possibility.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by nydolphin

I've seen this many times!! People on campus hype up the top chapters and talk down on the "lower tier" houses.. But there are phenomenal women in each house!

I hope she makes an effort to get to know her pledge class and older sisters. When both sides make an effort to get to know each other, she's bound to find her best friends.

Also, she is going to be a collegiate sorority member for 4 years max- and an alumna for so many! I actually had a little more fun as an alumna since I lived in the big cities.

This.

Plus, older sisters will graduate and a new class will come in during the next round of recruitment. Chapters turn over and change quickly, and next time, she'll be on the other side of recruitment and will have a say as to who gets to be in the chapter.

And again, nothing says she can't have friends in other sororities! That's one of the other great things after you graduate - I find that I've made so many friends who don't wear my letters. In school, there can be a lot of division, but afterward, you don't really care. You end up meeting sorority women everywhere, and you get excited when you see ANY letters. And even though you're not sisters, you're all sorority women, and you "get it".

In addition to the thread that ComradesTrue already posted...

Originally Posted by ComradesTrue

Read this thread.

I didn't get my first choice. It gets better.

... I would also encourage you and your daughter to read through these threads. We're all sorority women, and all sororities have great things to offer.

http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/sh...ad.php?t=37621

http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/sh...ad.php?t=87973

http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/sh...ad.php?t=21716

[tcsparky]

Let's say that there were girls there that only had daughter's top choice as their only choice. OK, them being guaranteed a bid to their ONLY pref chapter would not necessarily have edged her out. If they were ahead of her on the bid list, they would have been placed ahead of her regardless of whether or not they only had the one chapter. (The bid list isn't built by the chapter based on the chapter knowing the PNMs only had the one Pref.) The single-Pref girls would not have edged our daughter if they were lower on the bid list, but would possibly have ended up being quota additions themselves.

Bottom line- if quota was 60, and daughter was not in the top 60, then she didn't get a bid (of course, depending on how many of their "first bid list" the chapter took). Other women only having one Pref didn't affect daughter's bid.

Originally Posted by 33girl

First off, not all groups have a legacy guaranteed bid policy - even if they are at pref - so unless you saw that written on a website or policy handbook, I wouldn't assume that was a factor.

As far as girls with only that sorority left "edging out" your daughter because of guaranteed bids, that doesn't sound right either. Someone on here more versed in dealing with guaranteed bids and QAs will be able to explain that far better than I can.