Having a hard time getting over one I got dropped from?

[Sciencewoman]

Originally Posted by etadrisophila

Grief about loss of the wished-for outcome is normal and expected.

However, if and when the grief becomes all-consuming, seek out professional counsel. If you are already at the all-consuming stage, it is time to make that call.

I agree with this advice. Given that ngsu has posted about past emotional concerns and troubles unrelated to recruitment, I am standing by my advice to please seek professional counseling on campus.

I think this goes beyond recruitment disappointment or "the grass is greener on the other side of the fence."

[ngsu]

Originally Posted by Sciencewoman

I agree with this advice. Given that ngsu has posted about past emotional concerns and troubles unrelated to recruitment, I am standing by my advice to please seek professional counseling on campus.

I think this goes beyond recruitment disappointment or "the grass is greener on the other side of the fence."

It's really not that bad. I'm not totally beyond myself over it, because like I said I am thankful that I got into a sorority and I love the girls that I've met and that's not what I have the problem with. The problem more is about being upset over not getting into the other one and wondering why and not knowing what I did that was wrong. It's just the what is and the could be's.

No, it wasn't my bottom choice. I actually had transferred this summer and I'm not even at that school anymore. It just wasn't one that I had fallen in love with during recruitment, and it didn't really start to grow on me until pref day. I'm loving the girls I meet, but it's just still hard to wonder why and try to get over it.

But thank you to those of you on here that have truly been sweet to me and not try to embarrass me or be rude towards me. I'm very appreciative of that.

[navane]

Originally Posted by Sciencewoman

I agree with this advice. Given that ngsu has posted about past emotional concerns and troubles unrelated to recruitment, I am standing by my advice to please seek professional counseling on campus.

I think this goes beyond recruitment disappointment or "the grass is greener on the other side of the fence."

I have to agree with my sister here. The OP has shared about her past troubles and may struggle with how to keep things in perspective.

Yes, it stings when something that was hoped for doesn't come to fruition. However, agonizing over it doesn't change what's happened. My sincere advice for you, ngsu, is to lick your wounds and then go make the very best of what your sorority has to offer. If after a few weeks you are still struggling with these thoughts, I do earnestly encourage you to seek out counseling at your campus health center. There's nothing wrong with chatting with a neutral third person who can help you sort out your feelings and put things into perspective.

Best wishes to you.

[AZTheta]

Someone (ahem) had the presence of mind to QFP.

OP, you said you would be happy with a bid from six of the seven sororities on your campus. I wonder if you received and accepted a bid from any of those six, or if it was the seventh chapter? Is that the source of your discontent?

Or is it for more reasons than that, which others in this thread have mentioned? I do encourage you to seek some support. Obsessing over what you cannot have is a surefire way to make yourself miserable.

[ElvisLover]

Yes, please DO let us know if it was the seventh chapter where you accepted a bid. If not, I would suggest you stick with it until some time passes and your're not being led by your emotions anymore. Sometimes it takes a few months to process these things and realize that you are not in such a bad situation after all. Good luck, and keep us posted.

[DubaiSis]

Originally Posted by ngsu

I hate our hand signs and I hate a particular word in our name and want to cringe every time I say the full name of the sorority I'm in.

I don't think you're talking about my beloved Alpha Xi Delta, but our very unusual middle letter generally grabs women 1 of 2 ways - love it or hate it. But knowing what I do now about the meaning behind that particular letter, it kind of amazes me that no other sororities use it. I do have a guess about which sorority you're talking about (and by the way I have an idea about what school, so tread lightly). I love its colors and I'm sure that particular letter has very special and significant meaning. Besides, colors and letters make a ritual, not a sisterhood. You are foisting negative meaning and stigma where it doesn't exist to others.

My advice to you is suck it up. You are dealing with buyer's remorse and it will pass.

[thetalady]

Originally Posted by DubaiSis

I do have a guess about which sorority you're talking about (and by the way I have an idea about what school, so tread lightly). I love its colors and I'm sure that particular letter has very special and significant meaning. Besides, colors and letters make a ritual, not a sisterhood. You are foisting negative meaning and stigma where it doesn't exist to others.

That particular horse left the barn a while ago... the OP has made it quite obvious which sorority this is, too. How hurtful, if any of her sisters read her comments.

[ngsu]

Originally Posted by thetalady

That particular horse left the barn a while ago... the OP has made it quite obvious which sorority this is, too. How hurtful, if any of her sisters read her comments.

First, I already said I've transferred so nobody knows what school I go to or the sororities it offered. Second, even if I went to the same school, nobody still knows what sorority it is. And, I've never talked badly about my sorority. I'm mostly saying I'm having a hard time with the what ifs and a few general things in my sorority that have nothing to do with the girls themselves. So a) nobody knows who I am, what school I go to, or what sorority I'm in and b) I've said multiple times how the sorority has great girls. All I'm saying is that I'm trying to get advice to move on from the what ifs and could haves from the sorority I fell in love with during recruitment.

I've gotten some great advice on here and I really want to thank you all! It helps a lot.

[Tulip86]

The grass is always greener...

Rejection is hard, especially in a time of your life when everything is in motion. New town, new state possibly, few friends and people who truly know you.
To have the feeling you click somewhere (remember, they might just be very good at rushing!) and not be 'accepted' is always hard. But please keep in mind that, although you had bad grades, these girls still wanted you and took a chance on you. They liked you so much the grades didn't matter. Now you have the chance to love them so much the others don't matter.
I agree with the social media aspect of things, don't look at the pictures and post of the other sorority. In life and social media always know that you're comparing your life to other people's highlight reel.

I truly hope you soon forget about the other one and dive headfirst into your sorority experience.

[ChioLu]

Originally Posted by ngsu

I hate our hand signs and I hate a particular word in our name and want to cringe every time I say the full name of the sorority I'm in.

Or ... every time I see the quatrefoil hand sign, I think how difficult that is to do & how impressed how the women master the sign. And the 2nd word can MISTAKENLY be pronounced as the sound a farm animal makes.

If it's this GLO, this organization is growing at hyperspeed and has more new and upcoming chapters than almost any other GLO in the nation. They are going fullthrottle strong and you should be proud to be invited to join.

Whichever group it is, give it a chance for you to fall in love with them.
They have (obviously) already fallen in love with YOU.

[Titchou]

There is very likely nothing you did wrong. They have to release X number of women. At some point, the reasons can be almost indistinguishable. Maybe there were 5 of you left and they could only take one more so they threw a dart, flipped a coin. Who knows? No one will every tell you. You need to accept that you are never going to know - and you really don't want to. Honest. It just wasn't in the cards. Keep this in mind:

God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change those I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.

Take care.

[lovespink88]

You're not the first to feel this way. You will not be the last.

There is nothing you can change about your outcome with the other chapter, so at this point it's best to focus on what you do have. Overtime it will hurt less.

Good luck and enjoy your new member period!

[cinder1965]

I am clueless as to what school or what sorority this girl is talking about, you all are good!!

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by DubaiSis

I do have a guess about which sorority you're talking about (and by the way I have an idea about what school, so tread lightly). I love its colors and I'm sure that particular letter has very special and significant meaning. Besides, colors and letters make a ritual, not a sisterhood. You are foisting negative meaning and stigma where it doesn't exist to others.

My advice to you is suck it up. You are dealing with buyer's remorse and it will pass.

Originally Posted by thetalady

That particular horse left the barn a while ago... the OP has made it quite obvious which sorority this is, too. How hurtful, if any of her sisters read her comments.

? I must totally be missing something...

Regardless, there are things about my sorority that I was a little "eh" about at first, but then you learn more and find out the meaning behind things, and suddenly you can have an entirely new perspective. Colors are colors, and letters are letters, but what it all comes down to is with whom you share those colors and letters. Your sisters make the sorority, and every single chapter of every single sorority has something great to offer.

[jenidallas]

A personal caution on would-be's and could-be's - you can spend your entire life mulling them over and eating away at every decision.

I pledged my sororityand knew it was absolutely THE right sorority for me. It seemed to me to be the best choice on my campus and certainly the one and only choice for me. So much so that I ISPed. (And so much so that I ISPed and ignored my legacy chapter. The chapter, by the way, that my mom was the chapter advisor of. ) Yes, I was *that* PNM. Suzy freaking Snowflake dusted in glitter with a big bow on my head.

Then a few months into school, I started to hate the school. I realized I'd made a horrible mistake and picked a university where I would never finish. And then I started to second guess my choice of sororities and wish I'd waited to go through recruitment "where I belonged". I transferred to the school of my (second) choice) and for a few weeks, forgot all about those vows of sisterhood and lifetime loyalty I'd made. I was too much of a princess and felt like I should have had a choice in where I belonged and what I was/was not too good for. I started in my head playing the "if I'd come here last year and gone through rush, I'd be an XYZ, not a GPB" game in my head. I for a few weeks forgot about the "where I belong" thing and started to get in the "where I think I deserve to belong" game.

A bunch of stuff happened to me, comeuppances and all that stuff. The kind that makes the glitter fall off and the snowflake to melt into a big puddle of dirty water. And guess what? My sisters - the ones who were there who loved me just because I was one of them - picked me up, dusted me off, and made me into a better version of myself. In the 22 years since, I've never once forgotten it. Never mind that I'd gotten it in my head that I was somehow better than that. Never mind my arrogant childish behavior.

To think *I* was this ignorant 19 year old twit who almost turned my back on a sisterhood that FOUND ME. That found me and saved me from my stupid self. That lifted me up and supported me and turned me into the sister I was today. Thank GOD that brat did not get her way and I had a second chance to realize how much my sisterhood means to me.

So yeah... you may have a hard time getting over it. But buck up buttercup, GET OVER IT ANYWAY. To not may mean missing out on the chance of a lifetime. And you do NOT want to be sitting here playing the what if game years from now. In fact, you need to take that game and THROW IT IN THE TRASH. Adulthood is all about sometimes taking a leap of faith and being happy with the road you chose, consequences and all. And 99% of the time, those leaps of faith will have you on the exact path you are supposed to be on. And you WILL learn in time to get over the hurt, get over yourself, and keep on walking with your head high on the road you chose with the ones who chose you.

(And if you cannot do that... if you cannot accept that sometimes in life, there is a greater good and a greater path and that other people sometimes have a role in guiding us where we need to be, well... do yourself the favor and don't initiate. Greek life probably isn't for you if it's still all about your individuality and personal fulfillment at all costs....)