Rushing a second time?

[adpiucf]

Originally Posted by carnation

Every year, members of various sororities at big schools tell me that they usually have no idea which girls they kept until they walk in the door for the next party.

So THIS. I trusted the process that on bid day, my 100+ member chapter and I had done our duty and brought home the class of 60-80 new members that was best for the chapter. I had met a handful, at best, during recruitment. Oftentimes I didn't remember rushing them because we had over 1000 girls coming through our doors. In fact, the other day, a sister posted on my FB wall, "Hey, first gal who rushed me at ADPi..." It's been YEARS since that recruitment, and even at that time I had no recollection.

When I was a recruitment counselor, I remember talking to a fellow counselor in another sorority. I reminded her that she had rushed me and I LOVED her sorority and was sad at that time to not be invited back. She laughed and told me she was a terrible rusher so that it was likely her fault because no one she rushed ever got a bid. She made a great impression on me, though, and I loved her and her house!

Anyway, I trust our membership selection to bring in the best girls for our sorority. It was not my job to hand pick each young lady. My job was to make them see what a great chapter we were and how much I loved it, and to convey my impressions through our private membership selection. Release lists were made up, and I had no idea was on them for the very most part. Each day new lists were read and we would cheer for each name. On Bid Day, the final list was read and it never disappointed. Sure, there were a few tears for a rush crush that went elsewhere, but overall, the process works... even at the biggest chapters where you don't get meet everyone.

[tapuz]

So all of the rho gammas told me to rush again in the fall, as thats how many of their sisters got into sororities they didn't get into in the spring. Although rush is fairly competitive at my school, Greeks are only 5% of it and it's not taken as seriously as it is in other universities. I messaged the sorority presidents thanking them for the honor of being invited to their pref night and that I just wasn't ready to make a commitment so quickly. They all encouraged me to come out again in the fall, you can't say that means nothing.

In terms of trying again with my top choice, I understand that the chances aren't very high, but as fewer people rush in the fall, and the fact that I've already started getting in touch with a couple of the sisters I really connected with at rush, I'm going to do my best to genuinely get to know people in the chapter, as well as in the other chapters.

I will never take the pref invites I receive for granted, and will definitely be much more open minded next fall at rush.

Honestly, I'm glad I dropped out, because if I had not and had impulsively taken a bid in my despair, I probably wouldn't have been as happy. After reading all of your posts, I'm realizing that maybe where I thought I'd fit in isn't where I DID fit in, and that I should have given the other chapters another chance. So that's exactly what I'll do in the fall. Keep in touch with as many girls as possible, and i think that in itself will make me excited about joining any of the sororities!

[AZTheta]

What it means (the responses from the presidents) is that they are classy and have good manners. That's all that it means. Don't read anything more into it.

Don't overthink your situation. Simply do the best you can this Spring semester, and good luck next Fall!

[adpiucf]

Originally Posted by tapuz

Honestly, I'm glad I dropped out, because if I had not and had impulsively taken a bid in my despair, I probably wouldn't have been as happy. After reading all of your posts, I'm realizing that maybe where I thought I'd fit in isn't where I DID fit in, and that I should have given the other chapters another chance. So that's exactly what I'll do in the fall. Keep in touch with as many girls as possible, and i think that in itself will make me excited about joining any of the sororities!

Good luck! That's the attitude.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by tapuz

So all of the rho gammas told me to rush again in the fall, as thats how many of their sisters got into sororities they didn't get into in the spring. Although rush is fairly competitive at my school, Greeks are only 5% of it and it's not taken as seriously as it is in other universities. I messaged the sorority presidents thanking them for the honor of being invited to their pref night and that I just wasn't ready to make a commitment so quickly. They all encouraged me to come out again in the fall, you can't say that means nothing.

The Rho Gammas told you to rush again in the fall: Keep in mind, they probably say this to every girl who didn't receive a bid. And while that may have been how some sisters got into sororities in the fall, that doesn't mean they were invited to their top choice, and that doesn't mean that some of the girls who were told to rush again ended up bidless once more.

You messaged the presidents, and they responded by telling you to rush again in the fall: Read above. Also, since you messaged them (and possibly never met them during recruitment), they might not even remember/know who you are. Or maybe they do, and they're just trying to be nice. I mean, what response would you expect? "No, you shouldn't come back out for recruitment. You'll never get a bid." That's not likely to happen.. anywhere.

In terms of trying again with my top choice, I understand that the chances aren't very high, but as fewer people rush in the fall, and the fact that I've already started getting in touch with a couple of the sisters I really connected with at rush, I'm going to do my best to genuinely get to know people in the chapter, as well as in the other chapters.

Fewer people rush in the fall, but fewer bids are also given out. And maybe your top choice won't be recruiting at all in the fall. I don't know how things work at your school and if any chapters are near/above total, but if they already have too many members, they won't be able to take on more.

You should always try to genuinely get to know sorority members, but don't set yourself up for disappointment. Keep in mind that you could meet members of your top choice, have a great semester, and get a bid in the fall. But you could also get to know them more, have a great time, get attached, and then not receive a bid, which would probably be more heart-breaking than not receiving one during formal.

Just be realistic and realize that things just might not work.

Honestly, I'm glad I dropped out, because if I had not and had impulsively taken a bid in my despair, I probably wouldn't have been as happy. After reading all of your posts, I'm realizing that maybe where I thought I'd fit in isn't where I DID fit in, and that I should have given the other chapters another chance. So that's exactly what I'll do in the fall. Keep in touch with as many girls as possible, and i think that in itself will make me excited about joining any of the sororities!

I'm glad that you're open to taking a bid from one of the other groups if they offer it, but keep in mind that these will be the same groups that you turned down this semester. The bold concerns me. If you receive a bid from your 2nd or 3rd choice, are you going to assume that you won't be happy?

First of all, there are numerous girls who go through recruitment (many of whom post here on Greekchat) who ended up with their 2nd or 3rd choice, and while disappointed at first, ended up loving their chapter and couldn't picture themselves anywhere else. You really don't know if that would have happened to you.

What you should do: Really analyze why you didn't accept a bid from your 2nd and 3rd choice. Was it because they "weren't for you," or was it because you built your top choice up so much in your mind, you just thought that #1 is better than #2, and you wouldn't "settle for less" by accepting a bid to anyone other than #1?

[33girl]

Originally Posted by tapuz

I had done my research about various sororities in advance, and had had that one in mind

"Doing your research" really isn't viable in an NPC situation. Yes, you can find out that maybe this group supports Alzheimer's research and you feel a tie to that because your grandma had Alzheimer's....that's nice, but it has SO little to do with how women are chosen in NPC rush.

Unless your "research" consisted of g---k r--k and other sites like that, where you read that this group was the most popular and that was not.

Originally Posted by carnation

Not to mention that on big campuses with over 100 members, the girls aren't cookie cutters.

Originally Posted by adpiucf

So THIS. I trusted the process that on bid day, my 100+ member chapter and I had done our duty and brought home the class of 60-80 new members that was best for the chapter. I had met a handful, at best, during recruitment. Oftentimes I didn't remember rushing them because we had over 1000 girls coming through our doors. In fact, the other day, a sister posted on my FB wall, "Hey, first gal who rushed me at ADPi..." It's been YEARS since that recruitment, and even at that time I had no recollection.

This isn't that.

At small campi with small chapters, some women would not fit at all in some chapters, some women would fit in every chapter, and some women would not fit at all in ANY chapter. You CAN'T always find something in common with someone in smaller groups - at least not enough that you can go beyond thinking of them as friends and start thinking of them as sisters.

So yes, at these chapters, the sororities usually do know where the rushees will fit in - unless the rushee is being completely fake.

[FSUZeta]

Quoted from Tapuz: "As I later found out, my favorite Rho was actually a member of my top sorority, and she expressed her deepest regrets, admitting that she thought I was the perfect fit for her sorority".

quoted from ASTalumna06:"The Rho Gammas told you to rush again in the fall: Keep in mind, they probably say this to every girl who didn't receive a bid. And while that may have been how some sisters got into sororities in the fall, that doesn't mean they were invited to their top choice, and that doesn't mean that some of the girls who were told to rush again ended up bidless once more.

You messaged the presidents, and they responded by telling you to rush again in the fall: Read above. Also, since you messaged them (and possibly never met them during recruitment), they might not even remember/know who you are. Or maybe they do, and they're just trying to be nice. I mean, what response would you expect? "No, you shouldn't come back out for recruitment. You'll never get a bid." That's not likely to happen.. anywhere."


I also wanted to emphasize these quotes. It would be a very cruel person who would tell someone "No, you should not rush again. It will be a waste of your time. You won't get a bid." Nor would a Rho Gamma say,"You are really not Gamma Gamma Gamma material-that is why my sisters dropped you before prefs." That too would be cruel. Those were kind responses to soothe the disappointment you experienced when the only choice in your eyes did not invite you back. I point this out not to be mean, but to help you see that you are still looking at this experience with rose colored glasses, i.e., you are hearing only what you want to hear. I don't want to make you paranoid, or feel bad, but I do hope that you can assess the situation more realistically in a few weeks.

I hope that you will give fall rush a try, if you can truly go in with the attitude that you could be happy in any of the chapters (because with the right attitude, you can!). Heed the advice that the other GC'ers have given you.

[tapuz]

Originally Posted by ASTalumna06

You messaged the presidents, and they responded by telling you to rush again in the fall: Read above. Also, since you messaged them (and possibly never met them during recruitment), they might not even remember/know who you are. Or maybe they do, and they're just trying to be nice. I mean, what response would you expect? "No, you shouldn't come back out for recruitment. You'll never get a bid." That's not likely to happen.. anywhere.

I was invited to their pref nights, that should mean something? I don't know if I would have received a bid because I dropped out but I think I could have.

Originally Posted by ASTalumna06

What you should do: Really analyze why you didn't accept a bid from your 2nd and 3rd choice. Was it because they "weren't for you," or was it because you built your top choice up so much in your mind, you just thought that #1 is better than #2, and you wouldn't "settle for less" by accepting a bid to anyone other than #1?

I guess it's the second one, I was probably a little too sure of myself, and I'm beginning to realize that now.

[tapuz]

Originally Posted by FSUZeta

Nor would a Rho Gamma say,"You are really not Gamma Gamma Gamma material-that is why my sisters dropped you before prefs." That too would be cruel. Those were kind responses to soothe the disappointment you experienced when the only choice in your eyes did not invite you back. I point this out not to be mean, but to help you see that you are still looking at this experience with rose colored glasses, i.e., you are hearing only what you want to hear.

My Rho started tearing up as I was talking to her about my disappointment...and she even texted me about it the next morning.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by tapuz

I was invited to their pref nights, that should mean something? I don't know if I would have received a bid because I dropped out but I think I could have.

The fact that they would have offered you a bid during FR does not mean anything in the fall. They may not even have open spaces in the fall. Yes, they like you reasonably well, and you should get to know them better, but we keep explaining to you that the system doesn't not mean that everyone gets a bit wherever she wants.

Originally Posted by tapuz

I guess it's the second one, I was probably a little too sure of myself, and I'm beginning to realize that now.

Look, you just suffered a major disappointment. Take some time away from it, and come back when you can be a little more rational. It's okay. It happens to all of us.

Originally Posted by tapuz

My Rho started tearing up as I was talking to her about my disappointment...and she even texted me about it the next morning.

That's her job. She's a Rho.

[AZTheta]

Trying so hard not to be annoyed. It's only the second day of Lent.

tapuz, pay attention: all the RCs (Rho Gammas) I know (in every sorority, not just mine) are very compassionate, sensitive and empathetic and are disappointed for ALL the pnms in their groups who don't get a bid. I've listened to them, wiped their tears, etc. Like I told you above, don't read anything more into it. Stop defending/overanalyzing. It's not getting you anyplace. Take off the rose-colored glasses, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and move forward.

[ElvisLover]

^^^I agree with the above-mentioned posts. Almost everything about recruitment is ultra fake, superficial, etc. Like the others said, NO ONE is going to tell you the truth or say anything to hurt your feelings to your face. The answers you're receiving are soft-pedaled to smooth things over. I'm sorry this happened to you and good luck next time around.

[Leslie Anne]

[FSUZeta]

Originally Posted by tapuz

My Rho started tearing up as I was talking to her about my disappointment...and she even texted me about it the next morning.

I am sure that she was genuinely feeling bad for you. When I was a rush counselor one of the girls in my group asked to speak to me privately. She and her HS best friend were roommates and had promised each other that they would only pledge the same sorority. As rush progressed, they found themselves being drawn to different sororities. She was so upset and crying so hard that she could hardly catch her breath because she really, really liked her favorite and her best friend did not. I started tearing up myself, because she was a sweet girl that i had come to like and I hated that she was so upset. I had no vested interest in her decision, because my sorority was no longer in the running with either girl. I just wanted to help and make her feel better and I guess I did. She ended up pledging her first choice, and her bff pledged her own first choice, and as far as I know they were both very happy in their decisions.

[carnation]

Now I have to know if the 2 pledged their favorites!