Maximizing your options

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by carnation

Most PNMs would fit into most of them, that's my point. But when someone spouts that line to a PNM who's just been cut from 12 out of 18 sororities at a competitive school after second parties, it doesn't ring true. Especially if she's in-state and in the know, she's aware that in a sorority of around 200 women, there are plenty whom she'd fit in with--and she probably already knows a bunch of them. She doesn't want or need to hear that crap about 'fits'.

I can see how at a medium or small-sized school, sororities would have "personalities" and people would clearly be able to see where they fit. That used to be true even at the big SEC schools. But...no more. Not with the massive pledge classes they have.

It's like any sort of "sympathy" statement. Sometimes it's true and sometimes it's just the speakers best attempt to make the girl feel better. Particularly since if she's in the know she knows that 6 is still good and her recruitment is far from over.

I guess I'm not sure what else you're going to say. You can state fact: You have 6 left and that's really good. Sympathy: I'm sorry that sucks, I'm sure you'll still find your home. or overreaction: They're all bitches, you don't need to be with them anyway. For some girls one or the other of the first two will work, and the 'adult' shouldn't be encouraging the latter.

[turqwind]

Originally Posted by carnation

Most PNMs would fit into most of them, that's my point. But when someone spouts that line to a PNM who's just been cut from 12 out of 18 sororities at a competitive school after second parties, it doesn't ring true. Especially if she's in-state and in the know, she's aware that in a sorority of around 200 women, there are plenty whom she'd fit in with--and she probably already knows a bunch of them. She doesn't want or need to hear that crap about 'fits'.

I can see how at a medium or small-sized school, sororities would have "personalities" and people would clearly be able to see where they fit. That used to be true even at the big SEC schools. But...no more. Not with the massive pledge classes they have.

Thank you, Carnation. If PNM's with six groups left (using your numbers) drop out because they have lost their early favorites, then they will probably lose their chance to be in a GLO and some GLO's will lose some great girls. A girl may be wonderful in all ways and do everything to prepare for a successful recruitment, but if most of the girls in these 150+ "top" sororities have a sister, boyfriend's sister, cousin, neighbor, friend from cheer, band, etc. coming through, it doesn't leave much room for anybody else. Yes, Drolefille, Moms need to be ready to say some or all three: 1) "You still have six great groups looking at you. Give them a chance - they are giving you one." 2) "It does suck. Put on your big girls pants and carry on if this is what you want. If you are SURE this isn't what you want, that's o.k., too. Momma loves you!" 3) "You can't do anything about those other groups (thinking to yourself: "Those rotten little heifers! How dare they cut my perfect child! I will get on my broomstick right now and go see about that!"), so look forward and focus on the groups who are interested in you." "She was/wasn't a good fit," "You will end up where you belong," ... eh, these kind of remind me of Pinto and Flounder being put back on the couch during fraternity rush.

[carnation]

Originally Posted by turqwind

"She was/wasn't a good fit," "You will end up where you belong," ... eh, these kind of remind me of Pinto and Flounder being put back on the couch during fraternity rush.

LOL, too true!

[mittens]

Originally Posted by Katmandu

I also think that a lot of people say "maximize your options" when they mean sticking with recruitment through the pref parties, since some women claim to have been cut from rush when they actually have dropped out prior to pref with one or more viable options still possible. Yes, it hurts to be cut by your favorite chapters before pref, but as we all know, opinions change, and sometimes they change a lot after pref night. A sorority that seemed just "ok" the day or two before can suddenly become "the one". Some chapters just don't shine in the hectic early rounds.

Exactly. One sorority during my rush wasn't impressing me that greatly until Sisterhood Day and on Pref Day they blew me away... All my "favorite" chapters cut me before Pref Day. Honestly, if PNMs would give up an hour of their time to see what it's like to be an XYZ and have a little more in depth conversations with the actives, their minds would probably change. It's sad to see so many PNMs so preoccupied with their favorites and not giving another group a chance.

[MUSK81]

There will always be PNMs who care more about the groups that cut them than the ones who don't, but I think once most girls know which GLOs are interested in them, the GLOs look a lot more attractive. (Easy for me to say; I went to the most non-competitive school on the planet and was only cut by groups I didn't care about anyway.)

[Alumiyum]

Originally Posted by MUSK81

There will always be PNMs who care more about the groups that cut them than the ones who don't, but I think once most girls know which GLOs are interested in them, the GLOs look a lot more attractive. (Easy for me to say; I went to the most non-competitive school on the planet and was only cut by groups I didn't care about anyway.)

I didn't get dropped (also a verrrry non-competitive school...and I was coached) but I went into it knowing that if I did, it wasn't necessarily because they didn't like me. My mom had already explained very well that it can be anything from your grades to who you're competing with to an in house fight (you're Suzy's rush crush and Suzy is in a fight with Sandy and Sandy makes sure you get dropped to get even with Suzy). It's hard as a recruitment counselor to convince PNM's that this stuff DOES happen, but I wish we all could because maybe it would make recruitment a little easier on everyone. Not taking it personally would make it easier to concentrate on the groups that DO want Polly PNM.

[AXOrushadvisor]

I just went through something similar to all of this with my DD. She didn't make the advanced dance team. She was bummed that she was invited to stay on the intermediate team. We had tears and she needed to "grieve" about it. When she was ready to talk I just calmly told her that dancing really wasn't her passion and reminded her of the things that bugged her about dancing. In the end she is ok with it. She was more embarrassed about not being invited.

Again, I don't think that Rho Chi's are very well trained. My niece is going to be one this fall at a competitive PAC 10 school and even she has admitted they really haven't been trained. Here is the other thing that I have learned through the years. Most women who LOVE recruitment and GET it don't become Rho Chi's. A lot of the women become Rho Chi's not because they LOVE recruitment and can help these women through the process, but because they want to get out of their work weeks and their chapter recruitment.

One last thing for what it is worth. I think women who drop out of recruitment before they attend preference parties are foolish. Why not just go? There has been more then one girl who has had their mind changed in a preference party. When I think about maximizing your options this is what I think of. Not quitting and staying until the end. If at the end of a recruitment that you have fully participated in you still are left cold then don't sign a bid card. At least you'll know you gave it every chance, right?

[Alumiyum]

Originally Posted by AXOrushadvisor

I just went through something similar to all of this with my DD. She didn't make the advanced dance team. She was bummed that she was invited to stay on the intermediate team. We had tears and she needed to "grieve" about it. When she was ready to talk I just calmly told her that dancing really wasn't her passion and reminded her of the things that bugged her about dancing. In the end she is ok with it. She was more embarrassed about not being invited.

Again, I don't think that Rho Chi's are very well trained. My niece is going to be one this fall at a competitive PAC 10 school and even she has admitted they really haven't been trained. Here is the other thing that I have learned through the years. Most women who LOVE recruitment and GET it don't become Rho Chi's. A lot of the women become Rho Chi's not because they LOVE recruitment and can help these women through the process, but because they want to get out of their work weeks and their chapter recruitment.

One last thing for what it is worth. I think women who drop out of recruitment before they attend preference parties are foolish. Why not just go? There has been more then one girl who has had their mind changed in a preference party. When I think about maximizing your options this is what I think of. Not quitting and staying until the end. If at the end of a recruitment that you have fully participated in you still are left cold then don't sign a bid card. At least you'll know you gave it every chance, right?

I was a Recruitment Counselor twice because I was a better rusher for Greek life than I was for my sorority, and because I'm one of those people that agrees that Recruitment Counselors are often not well trained...so I wanted to help change that (or at least guarantee someone on the team knew the rules backwards and forwards). Recruitment Counselors should be extremely well versed in both rules and possible situations that arise with PNM's...that would cut out so much confusion during recruitment on pretty much every campus.

I always had girls drop out of recruitment because their favorite two sororities dropped them and they were too snobby to visit the other three. It makes me so mad...not only is it unbelievably rude it's very short sighted.

[Katmandu]

I absolutely agree that in these ginormous sororities of 200+ and sometimes 250+ women, and pledge classes of 90+ almost any PNM will find a mix of sympatico sisters, frenemies, mentors, casual acquaintances, people they don't like, people they love, people they disapprove of, people they look up to, and people, frankly, they never get to know. To think there is only ONE place they "fit" is ludicrous.

(In a small campus where chapters are 20-30 members, totally different animal.)

Anyone else dying for that first, "live" recruitment story? Is Oklahoma State the first again? Go Pokes!

[AZ-AlphaXi]

Originally Posted by Katmandu

I
Anyone else dying for that first, "live" recruitment story? Is Oklahoma State the first again? Go Pokes!

Nope .. per IrishPipes lovely recruitment thread, Auburn, Al is first out the gate with an 8/8 start. Oklahoma State is listed as an 8/9 start.

[AUAZD2001]

Originally Posted by Katmandu

I absolutely agree that in these ginormous sororities of 200+ and sometimes 250+ women, and pledge classes of 90+ almost any PNM will find a mix of sympatico sisters, frenemies, mentors, casual acquaintances, people they don't like, people they love, people they disapprove of, people they look up to, and people, frankly, they never get to know. To think there is only ONE place they "fit" is ludicrous.

(In a small campus where chapters are 20-30 members, totally different animal.)

I have to agree. I didn't meet my BFFs during recruitment. In fact, I didn't even meet them until right before initiation. And I didn't really get to know them until spring semester. But I ddn't consider them my best friends until sophomore year. Bottom line, your collegiate sorority experience extends so much beyond recruitment week. PNMs should have faith that if they stick it out, they can have a great experience.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by AUAZD2001

I have to agree. I didn't meet my BFFs during recruitment. In fact, I didn't even meet them until right before initiation. And I didn't really get to know them until spring semester. But I ddn't consider them my best friends until sophomore year. Bottom line, your collegiate sorority experience extends so much beyond recruitment week. PNMs should have faith that if they stick it out, they can have a great experience.

Off-topic, but I think that whole first year is a really critical time in sorority life.

Sometimes, PNMs are iffy but become less so during the NM period. But there are women who go through that whole time and are STILL iffy when they Initiate.

Once summer comes, if a member still feels iffy, she probably won't be there come fall.

That's why it's important for chapters to make sure that they're continuing to engage members during that period after initiation. When that happens, that member becomes more open to sticking it out a little while longer. Eventually, she looks forward to fall and doing recruitment with her new sisters, living in the house next year, and plans for the next year.

Once again, I swear this made sense in my head. lol.

[honeychile]

August 8th?! ACK! I'll be on the road!

[SWTXBelle]

Just got a phone call about a pnm going through at LSU. I mentioned maximizing your options, but Pretty Pretty Princess Snowflake didn't register with our Alumnae Panhellenic because she knows which groups she is interested in, and who she is sure will just love her because,ya know, she's so special - oh, I'm sure this will end well . . .

[FSUZeta]

good grief! do let us know, please!