Is it tacky to ask who has been invited to a party?

[Senusret I]

If she wasn't that into me, she didn't have to respond. The fact that we haven't had substantial interaction doesn't mean she wasn't worthy of substantial interaction. It just means it didn't happen for one reason or another. We still like each other.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by Senusret I

If she wasn't that into me, she didn't have to respond. The fact that we haven't had substantial interaction doesn't mean she wasn't worthy of substantial interaction. It just means it didn't happen for one reason or another. We still like each other.

Like from a distance doesn't mean I'd necessarily send the person an invitation to something. LOL. But, whatever floats your boat and finds your lost remote.

[knight_shadow]

I guess I'm the Lone Ranger. I didn't find it tacky.

I also have a very diverse group of friends, but I can usually tell what crowd to expect based on who's inviting me.

If I get an invite from someone with a group as diverse as mine, I'll ask "Who's going to be there?" when I get the invite. If there are people there that I don't care to see, I'll tell the person that I don't want to see those people and I'll catch up with him/her later.

No one has ever gotten upset at me for asking.

[33girl]

Go back to the first post and the way she asked the question. Almost like "well if guys are coming that I can flirt with, I'm there, but if it's going to be OVERRUN WITH HORDES OF GAY MEN I'll just stay home."

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Go back to the first post and the way she answered the question. Almost like "well if guys are coming that I can flirt with, I'm there, but if it's going to be OVERRUN WITH HORDES OF GAY MEN I'll just stay home."

That's what I thought she was trying to find out too, but maybe not from a homophobic stance, just a what are my odds of love perspective?

Or that she might have a particular crush on one friend and wanted to know if that person would be there.

I think it's a hard question to ask in a way that doesn't make it seem like you are going to accept or regret the invitation just base on the guest list, which seems tacky.

I think we always want to know who else is going, but I don't think that's how invites usually work.

[knight_shadow]

^^^ I didn't read it like that.

I read "Is it going to be this crowd, that crowd, or that other crowd?"

I don't see "OMFG I can't hang with the common folk! Scratch me off your list if that's who your friends are now!!"

[AGDee]

Originally Posted by knight_shadow

^^^ I didn't read it like that.

I read "Is it going to be this crowd, that crowd, or that other crowd?"

I don't see "OMFG I can't hang with the common folk! Scratch me off your list if that's who your friends are now!!"

I read it like whether she was going to attend was dependent on which group was going to be present, which I think is tacky. I do think it's ok to ask if specific people are going to be there or whether you will know anybody.

[LucyKKG]

I think the way she asked it was tacky. I'd say it depends on how close you are with the host. If my sister was hosting a party, I'd ask who she invited. I guess if I wanted to know if one or two specific people were coming to another party, that'd be okay to ask. If it was someone I'm not that close to, I definitely wouldn't ask. Awkward!

[christiangirl]

I'm not easily offended, so I don't think the actual question was tacky, but how she asked it draped it in tackiness. When I get invited to places, my response is almost always, "That sounds great! Who else is coming?" I don't think that's rude because I don't ask it skeptically, I ask enthusiastically. I'm genuinely excited and interested in who I'm going to see there (and surreptitiously getting a gauge of how many people I'm going to know).

Now, if Diva #3 only wanted to know because she was trying to see if she would need to stay home based on the guest list, she could have asked in this way: Sen probably wouldn't have been offended and never would've been known what happened if something "suddenly came up" and she could "no longer attend." Instead, she kind of implied that that's exactly why she was asking...well, I think she has right to ask that question. Just like Sen would have the right to say his guest list is none of her business or uninvite her if he feels like it.


ETA: Or you could just hand out a disclaimer. I just got an FB invite to my friend's birthday and you could do what she did:

I'VE DECIDED TO GATHER ALL MY LOVELY FRIENDS AND PARTY AND DANCE THE NIGHT AWAY!! IF YOU ARE INVITED ITS BECAUSE I LIKE YOU AND HOPEFULLY YOU ALL CAN MAKE IT TO MY BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION! IF YOU CAN'T COME, THEN NO WORRIES....I'LL STILL HAVE A SHOT ON YOUR BEHALF!!!!! HOPE TO SEE YOU THERE!!

***IF YOU ARE BRINGING SOMEONE TO MY PARTY...PLEASE NO GHETTO PEOPLE, HOOCHIES, OR PPL I JUST DON'T LIKE****