sisterhood

[CougarGrad]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

HA. I figured.

He his posts are all the "I'm freshly initiated and I know EVERYTHING there is to know about being Greek" type.

Yes, bless his heart. Young whippersnapper.

[msujenn]

thank your for all your help everyone! and KSUViolet06: that seriously just made my night

[ASAlamb]

Jenn,

Though you are not yet initiated, these women still offered you a bid into their sisterhood and should treat you that way! You may not have the same ritual experience or knowledge of your organization yet, but you are still considered a member (albeit a new one).

I would recommend talking to one of your chapter advisors if the actives are really insisting on this mindset regarding new members in your chapter.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by ASAlamb

I would recommend talking to one of your chapter advisors if the actives are really insisting on this mindset regarding new members in your chapter.

ESPECIALLY if this behavior escalates into something that is clearly hazing (and these statements make me think that some might be on the way...). If you already recognize that this is wrong/makes you uncomfortable, then you need to address it as soon as possible. These girls are your sisters and they should try to understand how you're feeling, and to attempt to rectify the situation. If they don't, then I would definitely take the path that others here have suggested and go to someone with more authority.

[Ooh La La]

I think that treating new members this way only leads to feelings of resentment that then get directed at the next batch of new members. As someone in the new member period myself, my chapter has gone above and beyond to make me feel at home. In my opinion, earning respect is mutual. They deserve yours, but you also deserve theirs. I would definitely talk to your pledge mama. Maybe they didn't mean for it to come out as harsh as it did? Good luck!

[Ch2tf]

In what way did they disrespect you?

[Little32]

Originally Posted by Ch2tf

In what way did they disrespect you?

This is what I don't see. I hear this buzz phrase that "respect is earned" and that it is a two way street (i. e., you have to respect me before I respect you). People throw out these sentiments rather easily, often without defining with any deal of clarity wherein the disrespectful action lies.

I don't have to be "nice" to be respectful. I don't have to coddle someone to demonstrate that I have respect for them.

Also, and this is the truth, in some situations, respect is not a two way street. In some situations, you will have to respect people that do not necessarily demonstrate that they respect you in turn (at least not on your terms). What: are you going to tell your boss, "You have to earn my respect?" Would you tell your teacher/professor, "You have to earn my respect?" Would you say that to your parents?

Sometimes, because of your position and because, yes, hierarchies do exist, you will have to show immediate deference to people just by virtue of their position relative to yours. It is a good lesson to learn while you are young and adaptable.

ETA: Most of my comments are broad and not necessarily sorority pledge period specific.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by Little32

This is what I don't see. I hear this buzz phrase that "respect is earned" and that it is a two way street (i. e., you have to respect me before I respect you). People throw out these sentiments rather easily, often without defining with any deal of clarity wherein the disrespectful action lies.

I don't have to be "nice" to be respectful. I don't have to coddle someone to demonstrate that I have respect for them.

Also, and this is the truth, in some situations, respect is not a two way street. In some situations, you will have to respect people that do not necessarily demonstrate that they respect you in turn (at least not on your terms). What: are you going to tell your boss, "You have to earn my respect?" Would you tell your teacher/professor, "You have to earn my respect?" Would you say that to your parents?

Sometimes, because of your position and because, yes, hierarchies do exist, you will have to show immediate deference to people just by virtue of their position relative to yours. It is a good lesson to learn while you are young and adaptable.

ETA: Most of my comments are broad and not necessarily sorority pledge period specific.

Totally everything I was going to say.

Jenn - there may have been reasons (like other NMs) that what was said was said. Maybe technically you are to be treated the same as sisters, but the fact is, if NMs are spouting out too many opinions on things they don't really know about at meetings, blowing off NM education or not taking it seriously, or feeling their oats a bit too much at mixers...it's not going to go over well. It's just not, no matter how much you try to legislate it away.

If it seems to come out of the blue, it is likely that something specific happened. I agree with whoever said to ask your big/sponsor/whatever-she's-called what's going on.

[AOEforme]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Jenn - there may have been reasons (like other NMs) that what was said was said. Maybe technically you are to be treated the same as sisters, but the fact is, if NMs are spouting out too many opinions on things they don't really know about at meetings, blowing off NM education or not taking it seriously, or feeling their oats a bit too much at mixers...it's not going to go over well. It's just not, no matter how much you try to legislate it away.

If it seems to come out of the blue, it is likely that something specific happened. I agree with whoever said to ask your big/sponsor/whatever-she's-called what's going on.

That's what I was going to say! Rarely do people do a totally 180 like this without a reason. There was probably a new member or two who were getting a little sassy.

We had this situation when some brand-new women were refusing to do some of the necessary portions of the new member education because they were already a sister. (And by necessary portions, I mean like learning our Founding Date and our Ideals and Objectives). The President and Membership Educator had to sit the whole group down and give a similar speech. Everyone was still nice to them, but they needed to learn where they were on a totem pole. It didn't make them a lesser sister or person.

Realizing that you are "new" and acting appropriately is an important skill to acquire, and not just in a chapter. It applies in any place: a school, a job, or even a family when you get married.

In addition, please remember how you felt 3 or 4 years from now when the new women come in. Don't act like you've earned superior treatment because you've been a member longer. Remember how you feel now.

[DrPhil]

I agree, Little32.

LOL @ KSUViolet

[DrPhil]

In other words, "stand down, NM (neo) and just observe."

[FSUZeta]

msujenn, is this a npc, nphc or multi-cultural sorority?

[LatinaAlumna]

Originally Posted by FSUZeta

msujenn, is this a npc, nphc or multi-cultural sorority?

Good question. In many non-NPC sororities, you are NOT a sister (or even called a "new member") until after you complete the membership process.

I agree with other posters--sounds like this class was acting out in some way, and the officers probably had enough.

[Barbie's_Rush]

One for sure way not to build unity and sisterhood is to air your grievances about your new chapter on a public message board, especially when it is painfully obvious what school you go to and what your name is.

You really ought to have this entire thread deleted. If you think they are doing something wrong, take it up with your sorority. Or discuss it with your family since you mentioned being Greek is a huge deal in your family to the point that you had a rush coach.