Helicopters, Snowplows and Recruitment

[Cheerio]

Originally Posted by VioletsAreBlue

I've always wondered what would happen if one year at Ole Miss or Bama - for example - the moms and alumnae would take a back seat and let recruitment and membership selection be run 100% by the collegiate membership. I truly believe that some people think it would be an absolute disaster. But honestly, if we are trusting that these women are representatives of the ideals of our sorority, if we trust them to hold leadership positions within our organizations, if we trust them to wear our letters - why don't we trust them to select their own sisterhood? Why don't we trust our own daughters who we've raised into capable adult young women, to manage their recruitment experience?

This may come under the heading "Too Many Questions", but here goes...

Do alums in sororities not trust their collegiate members based on the (possible) fact alums don't see newer members as "worthy" or "up to the standard" they themselves fit as pledges thirty years ago?

Would modern sorority chapters prefer to make it their business to "mold" their new members into "better" representatives of womanhood, and no longer accept any new member "just as she is"?

And would that brand of "molding" be the type of sorority experience current college students desire?

Are there truly young students today who believe that when joining a sorority, the sorority should "mold" your behavior and make you a "better" "more popular" or "more desirable" person for the rest of your life just because of your particular greek letter affiliation?

Has it become fashionable to join a sorority simply to be more beloved/accepted by/popular/cool with other human beings?

Or are current college women lacking the means to create their own identity, and need their sorority to give them one because Mommy and Daddy are no longer there to give them one?

[APhi2KD]

Originally Posted by 33girl

I’m sure that part of the reluctance to do this is the fact that many of these chapters (not the sorority as a national entity, the CHAPTER) have assets equivalent to that of multimillion dollar corporations.

Truth.

Another thought— many of the women sticking their fingers in these chapters’ pies do so merely to feed their own worth. Sticking it to someone else’s pumpkin is the ultimate form of revenge, no?

[TXDG]

The snowplows come out when Mom is calling the chapters or Greek Life office to demand to know why Snowflake was released from “x” chapter or calling the New Member officer to demand Snowflake get “Suzy” for her Big Sis or complain about Snowflake trying to balance studying with sorority or to ask for an Excused absence for a chapter event. Anything that falls under something that Snowflake should do herself or things that shouldn’t be done at all.

Mom helping with recs, outfits, introductions is all par for the course here in TX, as is briefly showing up to Bid Day at some schools. I’m sure it’s a helicopter-ish but when literally everyone else is doing it, you’re setting your daughter up to fail at some schools to expect an 18-year-old to play and win at an alumnae’s game.

[NYCMS]

For me, snowplow moms - in addition to what everyone has written - are those mothers who pressure their daughters to the point of leaving them witless during rush.

My cousin went to an SEC school (decades ago but snowplows have always existed) and knew a girl whose mom said "pledge my house or drop out of school." She did join that house and developed a serious alcohol problem later that year, she was so unhappy. I remember a girl that my sorority wanted (at Arizona) who was in a similar situation and wound up in dear old Mom's house which was a total mis-match for her. She dropped out before initiation and didn't rush again.

[VioletsAreBlue]

Originally Posted by TXDG

Mom helping with recs, outfits, introductions is all par for the course here in TX, as is briefly showing up to Bid Day at some schools. I’m sure it’s a helicopter-ish but when literally everyone else is doing it, you’re setting your daughter up to fail at some schools to expect an 18-year-old to play and win at an alumnae’s game.

How do you define fail? Not getting a bid? Getting a bid to someplace other than preferred by either mom or daughter, or both?

And I think you hit the nail on the head. Sorority recruitment should be the collegiate game, not the alumnae game. It's a shame it's become that way.

[AXOrushadvisor]

When they call the Chapter President, Recruitment Adviser and past Chapter President to try to get their legacy a bid. Didn't work btw.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by VioletsAreBlue

How do you define fail? Not getting a bid? Getting a bid to someplace other than preferred by either mom or daughter, or both?

And I think you hit the nail on the head. Sorority recruitment should be the collegiate game, not the alumnae game. It's a shame it's become that way.

Are you saying get rid of recs or what? Or disallow parent involvement? I really don’t think the latter is possible.

I mean even at my teeny not very competitive alma mater, I’m sure there probably were girls who were on the phone with their moms multiple times a day during rush trying to figure it out.

[carnation]

But you know why it can't be totally a collegiate game? Because some collegians absolutely can not see beyond the, say, beauty or popularity of certain PNMs to realize what risk management problems they can be.

I recall a recent situation in which an alum of one sorority was called by an alum of another one and was advised that a girl the first woman's group had carried to third parties had pictures on her social media of herself--urinating in the street on New Year's Eve, The sorority members of Group A had no idea. The girls kind of didn't want to cut her for that despite the proof because she was gorgeous, and the alums insisted. Apparently, most of the other sororities had seen it and cut her already.

I don't want any group to pledge anyone who's a huge risk in any way! I don't want a chapter of 100 innocent girls to lose their charter because of the actions of 1 or 2 girls!

[33girl]

Originally Posted by VioletsAreBlue

Poundcake, Snowflake and Dumpling are much more capable than people give them credit for. College is the environment where they can try new things, make mistakes, fall on their butts, explore who they are, change who they are and spread those wings. And that includes sorority recruitment.

But part of the problem is, the majority of these large rushes occur before Snowflake is truly even a college student - she’s bound to a sorority before she’s even had one minute of class time. She hasn’t had a chance to try or change or explore. The first thing she is doing in college is trying to impress a thousand women and pray that she lands somewhere that makes her happy and that is socially acceptable. That’s a lot to expect an 18 year old to get through unassisted, especially one who may not be naturally fearless and gregarious.

[KSUViolet06]

The people coptering and plowing are not the ones you think.

Everyone thinks of a certain type of Southern mom coptering and plowing at places like Ole Miss, Bama, Texas.

The thing is, the well-to-do Southern kiddos, moms whose kids are legacies to the school and the chapter, the kids who went to camp and school with lots of sorority members, the ones whose moms are significant donors - those are not (usually) the moms in trees. Those are the kids who do not need a copter because they are generally going to get bids to wherever they want.

They don't need to be told how to dress. They already know. They do not need to be told they need recs. Their friends and mom's friends are already writing them. They don't have to jockey for connections, they already have them.

The guiltiest of coptering and plowing and going generally crazy over recruitment are those who are:

1. Social climbers. Parents who are not Greek and are interested in their kids having the social capital that they do not have. So they have to work hard to get prepared because they do not have the advantanges that the above kids have.

2. Greek moms from NON-SOUTHERN CHAPTERS WHO DON'T KNOW HOW competitive recruitment WORKS. This is the girl whose mom went to CORNFIELD STATE. She is a Confield State Kappa alumna. Child is rushing at Big Southern and parent assumes that daughter will get a bid to Big Southern Kappa. Not realizing that chapters prioritize their own legacies above those from other chapters.

3. Clueless moms. Clueless lady whose sister's cousin's daughter rushed at an entirely different school and they heard it was easy. Therefore it should be easy for Suzy. No.

[IndianaSigKap]

^ This. FTW.

[TXDG]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

The people coptering and plowing are not the ones you think.

Everyone thinks of a certain type of Southern mom coptering and plowing at places like Ole Miss, Bama, Texas.

The thing is, the well-to-do Southern kiddos, moms whose kids are legacies to the school and the chapter, the kids who went to camp and school with lots of sorority members, the ones whose moms are significant donors - those are not (usually) the moms in trees. Those are the kids who do not need a copter because they are generally going to get bids to wherever they want.

They don't need to be told how to dress. They already know. They do not need to be told they need recs. Their friends and mom's friends are already writing them. They don't have to jockey for connections, they already have them.

The guiltiest of coptering and plowing and going generally crazy over recruitment are those who are:

1. Social climbers. Parents who are not Greek and are interested in their kids having the social capital that they do not have. So they have to work hard to get prepared because they do not have the advantanges that the above kids have.

2. Greek moms from NON-SOUTHERN CHAPTERS WHO DON'T KNOW HOW competitive recruitment WORKS. This is the girl whose mom went to CORNFIELD STATE. She is a Confield State Kappa alumna. Child is rushing at Big Southern and parent assumes that daughter will get a bid to Big Southern Kappa. Not realizing that chapters prioritize their own legacies above those from other chapters.

3. Clueless moms. Clueless lady whose sister's cousin's daughter rushed at an entirely different school and they heard it was easy. Therefore it should be easy for Suzy. No.

Agree & disagree. Yes, totally moms 1/2/3 are the ones climbing trees and harassing alumnae/ chapter officers/ GL offices. 110%.

But I would argue that the girls who seem to effortlessly get into “those” houses at Texas, SMU, Ole Miss, Bama, etc are benefiting from a lifetime of “helicopter” parenting. Moms who made sure to get daughter into the right camps, help hone daughter’s sense of style and congeniality, help guide daughter towards friendships with the “right” girls in her class, help steer her towards the “right” summer jobs and volunteer work. Everything is done for the social resume. I grew up in one of “those” zip codes and it might have looked like those girls just floated right into the prestigious houses, but they had 18 years of subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) parents choppering right alongside them and swoop it down to get her out of any jams that might derail her.

[APhi2KD]

Originally Posted by TXDG

Agree & disagree. Yes, totally moms 1/2/3 are the ones climbing trees and harassing alumnae/ chapter officers/ GL offices. 110%.

But I would argue that the girls who seem to effortlessly get into “those” houses at Texas, SMU, Ole Miss, Bama, etc are benefiting from a lifetime of “helicopter” parenting. Moms who made sure to get daughter into the right camps, help hone daughter’s sense of style and congeniality, help guide daughter towards friendships with the “right” girls in her class, help steer her towards the “right” summer jobs and volunteer work. Everything is done for the social resume. I grew up in one of “those” zip codes and it might have looked like those girls just floated right into the prestigious houses, but they had 18 years of subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) parents choppering right alongside them and swoop it down to get her out of any jams that might derail her.

Yup.

[LXA SE285]

Originally Posted by TXDG

Agree & disagree. Yes, totally moms 1/2/3 are the ones climbing trees and harassing alumnae/ chapter officers/ GL offices. 110%.

But I would argue that the girls who seem to effortlessly get into “those” houses at Texas, SMU, Ole Miss, Bama, etc are benefiting from a lifetime of “helicopter” parenting. Moms who made sure to get daughter into the right camps, help hone daughter’s sense of style and congeniality, help guide daughter towards friendships with the “right” girls in her class, help steer her towards the “right” summer jobs and volunteer work. Everything is done for the social resume. I grew up in one of “those” zip codes and it might have looked like those girls just floated right into the prestigious houses, but they had 18 years of subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) parents choppering right alongside them and swoop it down to get her out of any jams that might derail her.

And you can bet that if DD somehow got cut from the "right" chapter in spite of all that, Mom would be giving them an earful or venting about it online.

[TXDG]

Originally Posted by LXA SE285

And you can bet that if DD somehow got cut from the "right" chapter in spite of all that, Mom would be giving them an earful or venting about it online.

Or the ultimate - pulling whatever money Mom has pledged from her estate.