Helicopters, Snowplows and Recruitment

[TXDG]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

The people coptering and plowing are not the ones you think.

Everyone thinks of a certain type of Southern mom coptering and plowing at places like Ole Miss, Bama, Texas.

The thing is, the well-to-do Southern kiddos, moms whose kids are legacies to the school and the chapter, the kids who went to camp and school with lots of sorority members, the ones whose moms are significant donors - those are not (usually) the moms in trees. Those are the kids who do not need a copter because they are generally going to get bids to wherever they want.

They don't need to be told how to dress. They already know. They do not need to be told they need recs. Their friends and mom's friends are already writing them. They don't have to jockey for connections, they already have them.

The guiltiest of coptering and plowing and going generally crazy over recruitment are those who are:

1. Social climbers. Parents who are not Greek and are interested in their kids having the social capital that they do not have. So they have to work hard to get prepared because they do not have the advantanges that the above kids have.

2. Greek moms from NON-SOUTHERN CHAPTERS WHO DON'T KNOW HOW competitive recruitment WORKS. This is the girl whose mom went to CORNFIELD STATE. She is a Confield State Kappa alumna. Child is rushing at Big Southern and parent assumes that daughter will get a bid to Big Southern Kappa. Not realizing that chapters prioritize their own legacies above those from other chapters.

3. Clueless moms. Clueless lady whose sister's cousin's daughter rushed at an entirely different school and they heard it was easy. Therefore it should be easy for Suzy. No.

Agree & disagree. Yes, totally moms 1/2/3 are the ones climbing trees and harassing alumnae/ chapter officers/ GL offices. 110%.

But I would argue that the girls who seem to effortlessly get into “those” houses at Texas, SMU, Ole Miss, Bama, etc are benefiting from a lifetime of “helicopter” parenting. Moms who made sure to get daughter into the right camps, help hone daughter’s sense of style and congeniality, help guide daughter towards friendships with the “right” girls in her class, help steer her towards the “right” summer jobs and volunteer work. Everything is done for the social resume. I grew up in one of “those” zip codes and it might have looked like those girls just floated right into the prestigious houses, but they had 18 years of subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) parents choppering right alongside them and swoop it down to get her out of any jams that might derail her.

[APhi2KD]

Originally Posted by TXDG

Agree & disagree. Yes, totally moms 1/2/3 are the ones climbing trees and harassing alumnae/ chapter officers/ GL offices. 110%.

But I would argue that the girls who seem to effortlessly get into “those” houses at Texas, SMU, Ole Miss, Bama, etc are benefiting from a lifetime of “helicopter” parenting. Moms who made sure to get daughter into the right camps, help hone daughter’s sense of style and congeniality, help guide daughter towards friendships with the “right” girls in her class, help steer her towards the “right” summer jobs and volunteer work. Everything is done for the social resume. I grew up in one of “those” zip codes and it might have looked like those girls just floated right into the prestigious houses, but they had 18 years of subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) parents choppering right alongside them and swoop it down to get her out of any jams that might derail her.

Yup.

[LXA SE285]

Originally Posted by TXDG

Agree & disagree. Yes, totally moms 1/2/3 are the ones climbing trees and harassing alumnae/ chapter officers/ GL offices. 110%.

But I would argue that the girls who seem to effortlessly get into “those” houses at Texas, SMU, Ole Miss, Bama, etc are benefiting from a lifetime of “helicopter” parenting. Moms who made sure to get daughter into the right camps, help hone daughter’s sense of style and congeniality, help guide daughter towards friendships with the “right” girls in her class, help steer her towards the “right” summer jobs and volunteer work. Everything is done for the social resume. I grew up in one of “those” zip codes and it might have looked like those girls just floated right into the prestigious houses, but they had 18 years of subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) parents choppering right alongside them and swoop it down to get her out of any jams that might derail her.

And you can bet that if DD somehow got cut from the "right" chapter in spite of all that, Mom would be giving them an earful or venting about it online.

[TXDG]

Originally Posted by LXA SE285

And you can bet that if DD somehow got cut from the "right" chapter in spite of all that, Mom would be giving them an earful or venting about it online.

Or the ultimate - pulling whatever money Mom has pledged from her estate.

[AnchorAlumna]

I've done recs and our local alumnae panhellenic for many, many years, so I thought I was well prepared when daughter went through. In addition to the recs via the alum panhellenic, i also called friends in various sororities and asked them if they would write a rec for her.
I always thought the moms who'd stay the week were just creepy, so I didn't go, didn't even make plans for bid day.
But when she was dropped after pref, I devoutly wished I had been there to let her cry on my shoulder and to hug her and tell her it would all work out.
But...24 hours later she was fin;, I was the one still devastated!
It all did work out, she got a COB bid to her preferred group. But she was never as involved in her sorority as I was in mine. She never served as an officer, and the only little sister she got didn't show up after bid day. Her closest friends in the sorority resigned in their sophomore and junior years.
So...I don't think handling her recs was "helicopter parenting." It was something I had done for others for many years and that I could easily do. They were my friends, not hers.
It's great for the girls themselves to make the calls and requests, but I always encourage moms to lend a hand. It's a struggle enough when they're that age, so all the better if there's something mom and daughter can work on together.