Discipline: Spanking

[Alumiyum]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

Yeah, I have disdain for parents whose kids have a habit of acting out in public and who have a habit of having to leave public places. They need to fix that. I'm only talking about patterns of behavior. You said your cousin's child is annoying. That sounds like a pattern of behavior and not just a normal child who challenges boundaries sometimes.

Well, as I clarified, the "child experts" can't "fix" her either. She's a kid, not a toy, computer game, or hairdo.

Parenting isn't a game with scorecards, and looking down upon others doesn't mean one is right. It means one has a personal opinion. My personal opinion is that parents who are loving, consistent, and willing to be creative in their methods of teaching/disciplining their children are good parents.

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by agzg

I don't blame people for being intolerant of kids screaming, kicking, acting up, throwing things, and misbehaving in public.

Sure, I was a kid once, too, but I knew if I behaved that way I would be spanked. I shouldn't HAVE to put up with other people's asshole kids when I'm out.

Eh, being in public means dealing with the public, annoying kids included. Even if I'm annoyed I try and check myself by reminding myself that odds are this is a one off, and the parent is trying to deal with it. If I see the parent being particularly stupid, or hear the screaming go on from aisle to aisle, I'll be less tolerant.

[christiangirl]

Originally Posted by Drolefille

No parent nor kid is perfect.

Originally Posted by DrPhil

Did you know that BP spilled some oil?

I just laughed so hard, I peed a little.



Without re-hashing this entire thread, I think those who said they only spank when the child does something threatening/dangerous are on the right track. I'm not an advocate for spanking as a regular discipline but, from a behavioral standpoint, it's good for children/people to associate life-threatening behaviors (sticking things in a socket, riding bikes into traffic, etc) with pain. Because pain and/or death is what will come of it and better it come from the disciplinarian than the actual result of the action.

Now, there's a difference between spanking to teach a lesson and spanking to let out your own frustrations. I "spank" my nephew occasionally (really more of a light swat) when he's being deliberately defiant because history has shown nothing else will get his attention. I never really swat him hard enough to hurt, but he's a really sensitive kid so even just flicking him in the arm will get his full attention.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by Alumiyum

Well, as I clarified, the "child experts" can't "fix" her either. She's a kid, not a toy, computer game, or hairdo. Parenting isn't a game with scorecards

I know what parenting is.

Originally Posted by Alumiyum

and looking down upon others doesn't mean one is right. It means one has a personal opinion.

Well, you're the one who called your cousin's child annoying.

Originally Posted by Alumiyum

My personal opinion is that parents who are loving, consistent, and willing to be creative in their methods of teaching/disciplining their children are good parents.

I essentially said this in my very first post.

I don't think we disagree. I think we have two different angles for the same point. If you think your cousin is an excellent parent whose child is just...whatever no matter what...then okay.

[Alumiyum]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

I know what parenting is.



Well, you're the one who called your cousin's child annoying.



I essentially said this in my very first post.

I don't think we disagree. I think we have two different angles for the same point. If you think your cousin is an excellent parent whose child is just...whatever no matter what...then okay.

I'll say this. I do not believe children are things to be "fixed". I think they have individual personalities and thoughts and sometimes even patience and consistency don't work.

And for every expert with opinion A there are three more with opinion B, and all four have credibility. (But, that's the case in any field of course).

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by Alumiyum

I'll say this. I do not believe children are things to be "fixed". I think they have individual personalities and thoughts and sometimes even patience and consistency don't work.

And for every expert with opinion A there are three more with opinion B, and all four have credibility. (But, that's the case in any field of course).

As long as you know that we aren't disagreeing. Do not take my use of "fix" so literally.

[starang21]

i watch shows like that nanny show, and think i'll enjoy putting the fear of God in my child.



don't judge me.

[KSUViolet06]

In light of my new job, I found myself discussing this with a co-worker and wanted to bump the thread.

[Munchkin03]

I'm pretty anti-corporal punishment, save for a single smack or "lick" when the kid's done something like run into the street, endanger their siblings, or stick a co-ax cable in a socket (guilty!). That's the way I was raised, and I'd like to think that I'd do the same thing.

There's a strong correlation between race, socioeconomic status, education, and the use of heavy corporal punishment. I've seen that in play with my very large extended family--and how it's played out now that my generation are mostly parents. I wonder how that will play itself out in the next generation or so, when race becomes less of an indicator of socioeconomic status or educational level.

I'm just rambling at this point, but I have STRONG anti-spanking opinions, basically borne out of the fact that I wasn't raised that way.

[KSUViolet06]

Super sad = parents spanking their developmentally delayed children.

I recently started a new position where I work with such kids. You'd be surprised at some of the parental rationales for doing so. Even when they have been told that the behaviors their kid exhibits are the result of a developmental delay or other disorder.

Ex: Bobby has severe ADHD. You spanking him every time he gets a Red Card isn't going to make him stop talking during Circle Time/putting paste in other kid's hair/etc. No, I don't care that your friend/mom/etc. says "he's just not getting enough spankings at home." You can spank him until the cows come home, that's not going to change behavior.

I know I'm not a parent, but jeez.

[Jill1228]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Super sad = parents spanking their developmentally delayed children.

I recently started a new position where I work with such kids. You'd be surprised at some of the parental rationales for doing so. Even when they have been told that the behaviors their kid exhibits are the result of a developmental delay or other disorder.

Ex: Bobby has severe ADHD. You spanking him every time he gets a Red Card isn't going to make him stop talking during Circle Time/putting paste in other kid's hair/etc. No, I don't care that your friend/mom/etc. says "he's just not getting enough spankings at home." You can spank him until the cows come home, that's not going to change behavior.

I know I'm not a parent, but jeez.

And don't get me started with the ones that spank their kids because they had a potty training "accident"

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Super sad = parents spanking their developmentally delayed children.

Honestly, I think that's abuse and/or parental denial that their child actually has a problem. It used to be that people thought autism was just a kid being bad. Sick sick sick.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

Honestly, I think that's abuse and/or parental denial that their child actually has a problem. It used to be that people thought autism was just a kid being bad. Sick sick sick.

Most of the time, it's this.

[Alumiyum]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Super sad = parents spanking their developmentally delayed children.

I recently started a new position where I work with such kids. You'd be surprised at some of the parental rationales for doing so. Even when they have been told that the behaviors their kid exhibits are the result of a developmental delay or other disorder.

Ex: Bobby has severe ADHD. You spanking him every time he gets a Red Card isn't going to make him stop talking during Circle Time/putting paste in other kid's hair/etc. No, I don't care that your friend/mom/etc. says "he's just not getting enough spankings at home." You can spank him until the cows come home, that's not going to change behavior.

I know I'm not a parent, but jeez.

That is sad.

I think spanking is fine on occasion and if it's done with no real harm. I was spanked as a child when I did something particularly horrible, but I would never have been spanked hard enough to bruise or cause any lasting harm. (And if I have kids I will likely do the same...no, it caused no lasting harm or psychological scarring.) Hurting a child makes me sick to think about and it's even worse when it's children that have those developmental issues. It boggles my mind that parents wouldn't educate themselves on the disorder their child is diagnosed with...because if they did they'd know spanking isn't the solution.

I also hate to see children being spanked for things that children routinely do. I was spanked when my actions would have caused harm to myself or my siblings, not when I talked back or cried or had an accident (three examples I've seen very young children spanked for).

[epchick]

Originally Posted by Alumiyum

not when I talked back

THIS didn't warrant a spanking in your household? So you were allowed to talk back?

If I talked back or gave a smart-ass remark, that was an IMMEDIATE slap across the mouth.