For the ladies.. "Why aren't you married?"

[Little32]

I was up at the park the other day, just sitting there enjoying the day, and this dude comes up to me and asks me if I am married. I say no. He said why not. I said why.

I am also one of those people who not certain that marriage is in her future. Not that I want to be alone when I am older, but I don't know aobut marriage. I believe in it in principle...I could be with someone for the rest of my life...but I don't know that most people understand the work that such a relationship takes. If I ever get married it will be for good, so I need a high degree of certainty about my potential spouse.

He went on to ask me if I had kids. Again, both of these questions imply that I am incomplete without one or the other.

[Little32]

Originally Posted by Little32

I am also one of those people who not certain that marriage is in her future. Not that I want to be alone when I am older, but I don't know aobut marriage. I believe in it in principle...I could be with someone for the rest of my life...but I don't know that most people understand the work that such a relationship takes. If I ever get married it will be for good, so I need a high degree of certainty about my potential spouse.

Roughly five years later, most of this still holds true; particularly the bolded. I think that I appreciate a little more each day the valuable partnership that marriage creates, what it enables a couple to build in their lives. I don't think that I had this appreciation five years ago. I guess, maybe, it might be better than just shacking up with someone for the rest of my days.

[rhoyaltempest]

I was single for a long time before that special person found me and I got married nearly 5 years ago. One thing I learned is that you don't have to wait for any man to ask you to marry them before you start doing you and living it up. Take care of you. Learn to love yourself and work on whatever it is you need to work on about yourself BEFORE getting into a serious relationship. If you have some serious issues that are holding you back from life (baggage), get into therapy and work them out while you're single; focus on you first and when everything is worked out or even while you're working things out, the right man for you will just show up. You won't even have to go looking. So buy that house, that car, save your pennies (as the current economy is showing us), take trips, spend time with friends and family, and just do you to the fullest! When you get married, there is so much more on your plate (whether you have kids or not) so you need to focus on yourself right now because you may not have the time you need to focus much on yourself after marriage and possibly children.

So if a man asks you why you aren't married (and I used to get this all the time and was down right sick of it!), tell him you are doing you and that you have everything you're supposed to have at this time.

Oh and if you never get married or you don't want to get married, that's fine too. Having a man does NOT define who we are as women. A man can add to your life but he is NOT your life and you can have a life on your own, just maybe a different kind of life than that of married women. Most days I love being married and other days I would just love to be doing me...all day....every day!

[AKA_Monet]

Originally Posted by rhoyaltempest

I was single for a long time before that special person found me and I got married nearly 5 years ago. One thing I learned is that you don't have to wait for any man to ask you to marry them before you start doing you and living it up. Take care of you. Learn to love yourself and work on whatever it is you need to work on about yourself BEFORE getting into a serious relationship. If you have some serious issues that are holding you back from life (baggage), get into therapy and work them out while you're single; focus on you first and when everything is worked out or even while you're working things out, the right man for you will just show up. You won't even have to go looking. So buy that house, that car, save your pennies (as the current economy is showing us), take trips, spend time with friends and family, and just do you to the fullest! When you get married, there is so much more on your plate (whether you have kids or not) so you need to focus on yourself right now because you may not have the time you need to focus much on yourself after marriage and possibly children.

So if a man asks you why you aren't married (and I used to get this all the time and was down right sick of it!), tell him you are doing you and that you have everything you're supposed to have at this time.

Oh and if you never get married or you don't want to get married, that's fine too. Having a man does NOT define who we are as women. A man can add to your life but he is NOT your life and you can have a life on your own, just maybe a different kind of life than that of married women. Most days I love being married and other days I would just love to be doing me...all day....every day!

QFP. Very good. I agree!

[NinjaPoodle]

Originally Posted by rhoyaltempest

I was single for a long time before that special person found me and I got married nearly 5 years ago. One thing I learned is that you don't have to wait for any man to ask you to marry them before you start doing you and living it up. Take care of you. Learn to love yourself and work on whatever it is you need to work on about yourself BEFORE getting into a serious relationship. If you have some serious issues that are holding you back from life (baggage), get into therapy and work them out while you're single; focus on you first and when everything is worked out or even while you're working things out, the right man for you will just show up. You won't even have to go looking. So buy that house, that car, save your pennies (as the current economy is showing us), take trips, spend time with friends and family, and just do you to the fullest! When you get married, there is so much more on your plate (whether you have kids or not) so you need to focus on yourself right now because you may not have the time you need to focus much on yourself after marriage and possibly children.

So if a man asks you why you aren't married (and I used to get this all the time and was down right sick of it!), tell him you are doing you and that you have everything you're supposed to have at this time.

Oh and if you never get married or you don't want to get married, that's fine too. Having a man does NOT define who we are as women. A man can add to your life but he is NOT your life and you can have a life on your own, just maybe a different kind of life than that of married women. Most days I love being married and other days I would just love to be doing me...all day....every day!

Soror, I couldn't agree more!