Would you pledge a sorority known for dirty rushing?

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by Size_Small

I've never heard the term "squick" but I think it describes the emotion you're describing exactly! Welcome to the South, where talk of God is never forbidden.

After reading some of your replies, I have come to realize that if I love a house and a group of girls so intensely, I should learn to accept the bad along with the good. Reading recruitment stories and listening to my older friends talk, I think many many girls do truly fall in love on pref night. Love (in my very young heart) shouldn't be about choosing the option with the least wrongs but instead, choosing the option with the most rights. I've always tried to do the right and ethical thing, so this dilemma hurts me a bit.

I think for the rest of the Summer, I'll continue attending the parties and socializing with actives, because I certainly don't want to alienate anyone before recruitment has even begun! I'll hear what the other sororities have to say and try to bond with the actives there. And at the end of pref night, if I'm still lucky enough to have a choice, I'll ask myself "can you be happier at any other sorority?" and if I can't, then I'd put them first, and if I can, then my decision would have been made.

Your school has recruitment parties over summer?

[Size_Small]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Your school has recruitment parties over summer?

No, the alums and actives of this one particular sorority have recruitment parties over the Summer. Per the recruitment guide for 2014, PNMs are not to have "non-normal contact" with actives or alums. The graduation party I mentioned earlier was hosted by an alum I had never met before, but there were actives there who I knew from high school activities. Also the rules state that actives and alums can't purchase meals for PNMs, but this event was catered for. This is also where the "you won't be able to sign your pref card fast enough" comment came from. I thought this party (and some comments made by the actives present) was a little suspect, so I Googled the recruitment rules for my school and found that it broke the rules that I described above. I then felt torn, so I decided to put the question to the ladies of GC. Some feel as if the party was completely kosher and I'm overreacting, even though by the book it's illegal. I'm just a little more confused now than before I even posted!

[Titchou]

Originally Posted by Size_Small

No, the alums and actives of this one particular sorority have recruitment parties over the Summer. Per the recruitment guide for 2014, PNMs are not to have "non-normal contact" with actives or alums. The graduation party I mentioned earlier was hosted by an alum I had never met before, but there were actives there who I knew from high school activities. Also the rules state that actives and alums can't purchase meals for PNMs, but this event was catered for. This is also where the "you won't be able to sign your pref card fast enough" comment came from. I thought this party (and some comments made by the actives present) was a little suspect, so I Googled the recruitment rules for my school and found that it broke the rules that I described above. I then felt torn, so I decided to put the question to the ladies of GC. Some feel as if the party was completely kosher and I'm overreacting, even though by the book it's illegal. I'm just a little more confused now than before I even posted!

This party sounds like "normal" contact. A graduation party where only graduates NOT going thru recruitment are invited would be highly ill-mannered. And since a proper party requires refreshments of some sort, the caterer is "normal." Also, you knew these actives and so talking with you would be "normal." Sure, someone may say something about recruitment - but it wouldn't be a big deal. You are making far more out of a simple event than PH ever intended you to. And forget what older alums say - no one can control them. Quit being so literal.

[Size_Small]

Originally Posted by Titchou

Quit being so literal.

In this time, I'd like to refer to some advice you gave me: Don't ever assume things. I kindly ask that you refrain from assuming things about this party that I went to, because I highly doubt that you were there. As this party was as of yet my only person experience with "dirty rushing" I think it would be best if I explained it fully.

About two weeks before graduation, I received in the mail an invitation to a "Congratulations you graduated!" party hosted by an alum whom I had never met before. I was kind of expecting such an invitation because back in April when a lot of actives were back in town for Easter, I let them know that I was going to go through recruitment in the Fall. My neighbor (she is in the house in question) told me "oh great, well, alums will probably have parties this Summer. I'll make sure that you get introduced!" Plus, all the seniors in my HS know about these, so use were kind of expecting them. My mother and any sisters we may have (I don't) were also invited.

Day of, my mother and I arrived, and it was immediately apparent that the other guests were graduated seniors, their mothers and sisters, and other actives and alums of this sorority. I knew almost all of the other seniors because we all had decided to rush. I knew some of the actives, but certainly not a majority. The hostess and others there congratulated us on graduating, and then we started the meal. Yes, it was a full 4 course meal with hors d'oeuvres, not just "refreshments." Conversation wasn't full on "you should join XYZ because we have the highest GPA, our girls are the classiest, etc. etc." It was more subtle than that. For example, someone would ask what our summer plans were, and an active would chime in with how she and her sisters went on a trip to Europe last year, and wasn't it so nice to be able to meet XYZ alums in a country so far away? A senior would be asked her major and then someone would say "why, Sally is an accounting major too!" And then Sally would share her story of how she would study with her equally studious sisters and how they guided her through interviews for her internship. Additionally, if a senior said something like "do you get along well with ABC? They're very academically focused too" then the bad mouthing would start. But of course, bad mouthing in a very Southern passive-aggressive way.

Besides the pref card comment by the alum, actives would say things like "we hope to see all of you on our lawn on Bid Day," more God/Jesus-y things, "I've watched you since you were a sophomore and I know you'll be an excellent sister." At the worst, what was said was oral bidding and illegal, and at the best, it was highly highly misleading (especially given the exclusive setting).

I'm truly trying to go through with an open mind during rush. I think I've done a good job keeping an independent mind over the years, and I know my mom won't pressure me into anything (she never rushed, so the whole sorority thing really baffles her).

[33girl]

Thanks for the explanation. Yeah, that's a little more than "Susan Sigma graduated and there just happen to be lots of Sigma alumnae at her party where friends and family were invited. "

Have there been any other sororities/alumnae having parties in your area, or is it just this one?

[Size_Small]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Have there been any other sororities/alumnae having parties in your area, or is it just this one?

There have been things like pool parties, dinner, mini golf, just hanging out and chilling at people's houses with friends of friends who are actives, or sisters of friends who are actives. Sometimes the groups have 2-3 actives of one particular sorority, sometimes a friend whose mom is an alum will order a pizza if we're at someone's house for a pool party. I would consider all of this normal contact though, because it's always a group of people who I personally know. The grad party was by far the most formal and had the most number of actives/alums and people I didn't know.

[Size_Small]

Originally Posted by Size_Small

I knew almost all of the other seniors because we all had decided to rush.

I would suggest you read my explanation of the party more closely then because all of the graduated seniors who were invited were all going to go through rush. I am not "making up details" to suit my narrative. That's frankly quite insulting.

It seems from the beginning that you are laser-sighted on trying to prove me a fraud or get me to shut up. Your main complaint with me asking this question is "you are a PNM, you don't know anything." I have received a lot of well-meaning advice from other GC ladies in the form of replies to the OP and in the form of PMs. For what reason would I "troll?" I am not religious so I have no pastor to talk to, for obvious reasons I can't talk about this to my friends, my mom is not a member of a GLO, and Greekrank is (for also obvious reasons) a terrible source. I tried using a wonderful resource called Google, but could not find queries similar to mine. GC seems the best resource.I have read GC for the past year, looking for advice and getting excited by Recruitment Stories. Now that it's my turn to go through recruitment, I thought it wise to utalize my resources. While again I thank the ladies who take the time to be helpful to me, I am very disappointed in how things have devolved between us Titchou. If you doubt so much my intentions, might I suggest you no longer continue commenting on this post? If I am truly a troll, I will stop when I have no more attention. I have tried PM-ing you to see where I have gone wrong and where I can make amends but that seems to be unfruitful.

[AZTheta]

Originally Posted by Size_Small

I would suggest you read my explanation of the party more closely then because all of the graduated seniors who were invited were all going to go through rush. I am not "making up details" to suit my narrative. That's frankly quite insulting.

It seems from the beginning that you are laser-sighted on trying to prove me a fraud or get me to shut up. Your main complaint with me asking this question is "you are a PNM, you don't know anything." I have received a lot of well-meaning advice from other GC ladies in the form of replies to the OP and in the form of PMs. For what reason would I "troll?" I am not religious so I have no pastor to talk to, for obvious reasons I can't talk about this to my friends, my mom is not a member of a GLO, and Greekrank is (for also obvious reasons) a terrible source. I tried using a wonderful resource called Google, but could not find queries similar to mine. GC seems the best resource.I have read GC for the past year, looking for advice and getting excited by Recruitment Stories. Now that it's my turn to go through recruitment, I thought it wise to utalize my resources. While again I thank the ladies who take the time to be helpful to me, I am very disappointed in how things have devolved between us Titchou. If you doubt so much my intentions, might I suggest you no longer continue commenting on this post? If I am truly a troll, I will stop when I have no more attention. I have tried PM-ing you to see where I have gone wrong and where I can make amends but that seems to be unfruitful.

IMO, it's probably best for you to just step away from the keyboard, Size_Small. You have gotten what you asked for (based on what you wrote, above) and there really isn't any point in prolonging this. KSUViolet had a pretty on-target take on your "throwing shade without trying to look like that's what you're doing" (I'm paraphrasing); so why not quit while you can?

[Size_Small]

Originally Posted by AZTheta

IMO, it's probably best for you to just step away from the keyboard, Size_Small. You have gotten what you asked for (based on what you wrote, above) and there really isn't any point in prolonging this. KSUViolet had a pretty on-target take on your "throwing shade without trying to look like that's what you're doing" (I'm paraphrasing); so why not quit while you can?

Yes, I think you're right. I just have an impulse to respond to slights against me, and I admit that I did get quite frustrated when people imply that I am a liar or fraud. I thought that I wrapped up my thoughts a deal earlier but then someone asked "your schools hosts recruitment parties?" (Also paraphrasing), I said no, and I explained it fully. Someone else asked "do others do it?" I said no, and explained myself. Then others commented on my account of the party and called me a troll, so I replied to clarify and defend myself. I have only continued posting because others asked for clarification, certainly not because I want to throw shade (at an imaginary target at that). But I am done for good! Thank you again for all the ladies who were helpful. This will be my last post on the topic - I promise! If anyone has any more questions, please PM. Have a good Summer everyone