A brother in the fraternity I'm pledging is dating my ex

[Gusteau]

Originally Posted by TPA85

You, as a pledge, are essentially a guest in HIS house. You don't get to dictate who comes over and who doesn't. You either need to find a way to get over it or pledge elsewhere.

I agree that sialater should probably seek some kind of support system for his aversion to his ex and that learning to deal with awkward situations is a part of life. However, I find this idea that his degree of membership makes him "less than" and doesn't guarantee him the right to feel safe and comfortable problematic.

[TPA85]

Originally Posted by Gusteau

I agree that sialater should probably seek some kind of support system for his aversion to his ex and that learning to deal with awkward situations is a part of life. However, I find this idea that his degree of membership makes him "less than" and doesn't guarantee him the right to feel safe and comfortable problematic.

As a one-day-new pledge he's probably not living in the house. The guy he has an issue with probably IS.
If I had a new roommate move in and tell me to re-arrange my life to suit them I'd tell them to keep apartment hunting.
This isn't an issue of safety. This is a scorned ex-boyfriend who hasn't moved on.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by TPA85

If I had a new roommate move in and tell me to re-arrange my life to suit them I'd tell them to keep apartment hunting.

Which is not really the situation here.

sialater, I get that this is uncomfortable. But stuff like this happens in life, and now is as good a time as any to learn how to deal with it. You really aren't in any position to ask him not to bring her over, and you certainly don't need to be giving him details of your history with her at this point. If nothing else, learn how to stay on the opposite side of the room from her, but don't be rude about it.

[33girl]

Unless there's a PFA floating around, you're going to just need to deal. You spoke to the brother about it and say he seemed cool - it could very easily have gone the other way and your bid could have been rescinded. Being mature about an uncomfortable situation (and not asking for things like him leaving his girlfriend home during events) will improve your status in the fraternity's eyes.

Plus, if she's in a sorority, the last thing you want to do is piss her whole chapter off.

[Gusteau]

Originally Posted by TPA85

As a one-day-new pledge he's probably not living in the house. The guy he has an issue with probably IS.
If I had a new roommate move in and tell me to re-arrange my life to suit them I'd tell them to keep apartment hunting.
This isn't an issue of safety. This is a scorned ex-boyfriend who hasn't moved on.

I agree that his request that the brother not bring his girlfriend around is unreasonable. I do feel that your comment speaks to a systemic issue with how we treat the newest members of our organizations, troll or not.

[Blue Skies]

One of life's great lessons is that it is almost never all about you and your needs. This applies even if you are deprived, especially deserving, "have been through a lot," or have suffered some sort of personal tragedy.
People will care about your needs to a certain extent, but the reality is that they have perfectly valid needs of their own as well. And wanting your girlfriend to feel comfortable and welcome in your own home is one such valid need.

Learn how to deal. I would venture that a lot of college students have been through this situation -- I went through it myself, watching an ex date a close friend. They are both still friends of mine to this day (but broke up with each other a very long time ago.)

This is part of the reason why you always want to leave dating relationships on good terms, if you possibly can. That person may re-enter your life in the future in one capacity or another.