COB and how these bids work! - Page 4

pinksequins · #46 02-01-2015, 04:22 PM

Confused, ask yourself these two questions and be honest answering it for yourself: Will I still struggle to decide among 17, then 10, then 6 and then 3 chapters Y/N? And most importantly, can I be happy in a house that does not sweep me off my feet but is not a psycho/mean girls/other deleterious attribute house?

ComradesTrue · #47 02-01-2015, 04:57 PM

I am with your mom. You like these girls..they like you. Why not start having fun right now? You get a whole extra semester to be in a sorority and enjoy the benefits. You are WAY overthinking this.

Plus, again, formal may not go as favorably. It will be 10x as stressful as what you are experiencing now, and the houses that have a bid for you now may not invite you back throughout the process. There are tons of unknowns with that one too.

But if you do accept one of these bids, then absolutely no looking back. Enjoy that chapter for all it is worth.

Good luck to you.

Titchou · #48 02-01-2015, 05:10 PM

So you want the rah-rah up front and damned whatever the reality may be? Because that is exactly what can happen. everyone is "rah-rah love my group" in formal recruitment. What you are seeing now is what you will see all the time. The rah-rah is only during formal recruitment. You need to think about that!

And ALL groups are ones you should be proud to be a member of. All of us here belong to different groups and you see how we feel. We wouldn't be here helping others if we weren't proud of our groups. you are so going down the wrong road with that idea.

als463 · #49 02-01-2015, 05:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by c0nfusedpnm

I like the sound of formal rush in that you have to decide. Informal, I feel like I have almost too much say and I'm not good at decision making (obviously) so I've found it extremely stressful. I can be happy in a house that doesn't sweep me off my feet. Trust me, I am not looking to be in a house that has the best rep or anything. I don't know if it was getting that first bid that made me over confident or what but, I can't stop thinking of all the different outcomes. I've been talking to my Mom throughout and she thinks that I'm crazy that I would want to put myself through formal rush when I've met girls in houses that I'd be happy with. I guess the reason why I'm struggling with this so much is that I want to join a house that I can be proud of. I want to meet girls that literally gush about how amazing they their house is and how much they love their sorority because that's how I want to be about the organization that I join. So maybe informal is giving me the wrong judgement of how much these girls actually care about their organization because it's more relaxed? I don't know.

So, the way in which other girls react/ feel about their sorority is going to dictate how you feel about it? You can be in a house that there are some girls who don't care much about being in because they are in tons of other campus activities but, you can be Suzy Sorority about it. Don't let others dictate how you feel about it. Think about your school. There are people who are going to think, "Oh wow! This is my top choice. My mom and dad are alumni of the university. My best friend came here with me. I love their colors and traditions. This place is great!" while other people may think, "This is my safety school but, at least I'm in college." Would you let those people dictate how you feel about your university? I hope not.

pinksequins · #50 02-01-2015, 06:26 PM

Confused, I think that you may have answered your question.
: )

P.S. Wise words from Titchou -- EVERY house will be over the top during formal recruitment. Each member will LOOOOVE her house. It's a seductive, high octane, staged carnival. Fun, yes, but not representative of day to day life. With informal, you get to see how sisters interact in a normal setting.

P.P.S. We are members of different groups, and we all want to give your Mom a bid. : D

thetalady · #51 02-01-2015, 07:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by c0nfusedpnm

I guess what I'm most concerned about with informal is losing the opportunity of participating in fall rush as a pnm.

Seriously? That is like saying "I am thinking of not brushing my teeth because I sure don't want to miss out on the opportunity to have a really great root canal experience!"

Formal rush is HARD HARD HARD WORK and incredible amounts of stress on many campuses. Maybe it is all fun & games on your campus, I don't know...

1964Alum · #52 02-01-2015, 07:08 PM

I completely agree with your mom and the other ladies. Rush is a show, a production. REAL sorority life is with your sisters on day in and day out realities.

navane · #53 02-01-2015, 07:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by c0nfusedpnm

I guess what I'm most concerned about with informal is losing the opportunity of participating in fall rush as a pnm.

Are you maybe wishing that you could have the full, traditional recruitment experience? Do you feel that joining during laid-back, informal recruitment was perhaps a little anti-climatic compared to all of the traditional formal recruitment bid day fun you've read about?

pinksequins · #54 02-01-2015, 08:31 PM

Confused, I am going to approach this from a slightly different angle and see if this isn't what you may be thinking. Decisions are not easy for you (which is what it is), so you may prefer formal recruitment where the decisions essentially are made for you. This is okay provided that you are prepared that the decisions might not reflect your preferences.

Blue Skies · #55 02-01-2015, 08:34 PM

I think that informal is great because you get a better view of what the sisters might be like on a day-to-day basis vs. a staged Broadway production. As for everyone being "nice" -- well yes, all of the sisters are going to be nice to you during recruitment, or at least they should be.

What you want to look for are girls that seem like the friends that you have had in high school and college. Not, this girl is nice to me, this house dazzled me, these girls are the campus rock stars, BUT these are the kind of girls I could see myself hanging out with on a regular basis. They remind me of my existing friends. They are like the "girl next door." I could integrate some of these girls into my existing social circle. I could see myself hanging out with them in my PJs and fuzzy slippers watching "The Bachelor" (or your own guilty favorite.) If I get too drunk at a party they will look out for me. If I have a bad breakup I can cry my heart out to them and they will understand.

Do you understand what I'm saying? You'll know these girls when you meet them. You may not recognize at first that this is the chapter for you, but if you open your heart, you'll know it.

Also -- you learn how to decide by making decisions. Making a decision is empowering. As the years wear on, you will get better at it. But now is the time to start.

MysticCat · #56 02-01-2015, 09:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by c0nfusedpnm

So far, the houses I've met have all had nice girls. So I wonder if there's a house not participating in COB that's nice and that I'd feel a stronger connection with?

Lane swerving, so take this with a requisite grain of salt, but . . .

In my experience, both in Greek life and in other facets of life, the connections you feel most strongly are to ones you work to create and foster, not the ones that just seem to happen. Regardless of where you end up (if you do end up in a chapter), your experiences and bonds will be what you make of them.

Sciencewoman · #57 02-01-2015, 11:53 PM

^^^ good advice

If the glitz and glamour of formal recruitment is something you don't want to miss out on, don't worry. You'll be participating on the "other side." You could volunteer for the recuitment committee and have a lot of fun being involved with planning, prep, etc. I know members who live for formal recruitment -- and others who can't wait for the drama to be over. You may be just the type who would love the excitement.

DubaiSis · #58 02-02-2015, 12:34 AM

Clearly you are only going to be happy if you go through formal rush. There's a phrase I learned from EMILY'S List: BOLTY - best of luck to ya. I, and most of my compatriots from large schools think you are full on nuts for turning down a perfectly good bid to 2 different sorority chapters. But your responses have made clear what you want to do. So politely decline the sororities who have given you bids, tell them you want to go through rush in the fall and say something to let them know that you look forward to meeting them again during formal rush. And then hope to god none of them take your utter flakiness as a turn off and cut you round one.

And then I would seriously start working to address this serious problem, self-admitted, that you want to defer personal decisions to other people, even to the hand of fate. Because choosing a spouse or a career is going to make you catatonic.

sigmagirl2000 · #59 02-02-2015, 01:01 AM

I fear you might have burned bridges with several groups when you go through FR. This isn't necessarily the case, but I would be hesitant to extend a bid to someone who I had already extended a bid to and they declined it....

pinksequins · #60 02-02-2015, 06:43 AM

Confused, you are making things too compicated for yourself. Your school is not that different from most schools with large numbers of chapters. The unusual school are in the South (S E C and some ACC) and IU or Texas. Those are not your schools. So, truly, there is nothing unusual about recruitment at your school, and given the number of sororities, I have a hunch which it is. The advice given applies.

Sophomore status at your school is not a game-ender, so fall recruitment is feasible. Declining two bids is not a burned bridge because those two were issued way too early in informal (and those chapters probably know it). You have some relatively new chapters at your school.

However, you have seen more than a third of the chapters. That is a pretty good representation.

Making decisions does not come easy to you, but you need to practice. And you need to practice with less than 100 percent information. Decisions made by default or by others will not develop that skill and may not align with your desires. Make pros and cons lists, review them with your Mom, play eeny-meeny-minie-moe, but just make yourself choose: informal or formal. Either is a valid choice. (And, no, we will not tell you which one to make.)

Many of the posters here are from schools or have advisory experience with schools in your region. The advice has been quite accurate. The core issue is that you are uncomfortable with decisions, but the good news is that is a skill that you can develop! Now is a good time to do so.: )