Originally Posted by mbatisah
GDI - if you’re still checking-in I wanted to chime in with my thoughts as a long-time lurker, first-time poster.
First, I absolutely empathize with you. I pledged a fraternity in college, was initiated and spent two years as an active live-in. I then moved into an off-campus apartment with a pledge brother. Due to an intense schedule with other activities I essentially had no more contact with my fraternity after becoming a townee. It's very easy to drift apart if you don't make an effort and, to my regret, I did not. I was also punched into a class society and decided not to accept it and regret that too. So I can, of course, understand your regret in having not pledged a fraternity at all.
THAT SAID, a few things to keep in mind ...
(a) the vast majority (80%+) of American college students are exactly like you and have also never pledged a fraternity, so though you may feel you are missing out on a certain experience, keep in mind you are not missing out on the "typical” American college experience,
(b) in professional life your fraternity affiliation, or lack thereof, will probably never come up despite popular fiction that says people will constantly be trading stories (it's been 10 years since I've graduated and my fraternity affiliation has come up exactly 2 times with clients and co-workers and both times it was because I mentioned it; maybe that's just the field or geography in which I work [advertising / NYC]),
(c) I know this isn't going to sound like logical advice from where you're sitting, however, if you are very active in your school's alumni association, the connection you will come to realize you have with fellow alumni of your school - even if you didn't know them as an undergrad - will be almost as enduring as the fraternal bond (though of a necessarily different type). The essence of the fraternity experience is the connection with a group of people who went through the same thing you did and it’s why fraternity brothers can feel a bond with a frater who is 50 years older. But the same thing is true, to an extent, with alumni of the same university.
(d) As others have said, you should investigate Freemasonry (this is, IMO, *inferior* to the bond created by a fraternity experience, but it is not worthless – you should focus your efforts , if you decide to go this route, on a Traditional Observance Lodge),
(e) You will absolutely create greater friendships and better life connections serving in the U.S. military, which is essentially its own fraternity, than you would in any fraternity. (Plus you will get even more and cooler stuff to hang on your walls than a pledge paddle and composite photo.) Consider joining the National Guard. If you don't want to spend 4 months in basic training, the Coast Guard Reserve has an accelerated training option for those with college degrees who aren't interested in becoming officers and you can complete it in (IIRC) 4 weeks plus some supplementary weekends.
Now, to your specific question:
REALISTICALLY, no one is going to pledge you as a graduate student and certainly no ‘top tier’ fraternity at your campus.
HOWEVER, having said that (I'm going to be extremely frank in what follows, and I apologize in advance as I know it will offend a number of people here, but I want to cut to the case) - at my particular university there were probably 2-3 houses in the "bottom tier" of fraternities (in terms of social standing), and I would not be surprised if they would have been willing to pledge a young graduate student (assuming their policies allowed it). If you are absolutely intent on doing this you should try to find a few houses on your campus that have low membership numbers and a low social standing (look for colonies perhaps) and make a soft email inquiry to their rush chairs explaining the situation. A non-residential fraternity could also be a clue - at my campus where all fraternities had been residential for the last century, an unhoused fraternity was essentially socially "untouchable" within the Greek system and would be anxious to take anyone. Again, I know this isn't exactly what you want to hear (and I’m sure I’m going to get flack from this off the regulars here), but I don't want to mislead you with platitudes.
Now, to the other scenario you proposed (a second undergraduate degree) - if you are going to get a second degree you could most probably find a lower tier house (or colony) willing to pledge you. I emphasize it would be lower tier.
Having said all this, if I were in your position I would not pursue pledging a fraternity. I would,
(a) become very active in your alumni association, (b) petition your local Masonic lodge for admission [I strongly recommend you look for a Traditionally Observant Lodge], (c) join a military reserve component. If you do those three things you will find yourself with more fraternalism than you could ever have achieved through a GLO.
You seem like a fine young man, so I wish you the very best of luck. Please feel free to PM me if you would like to discuss this more or have additional questions.
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