What to tell overconfident PNMs

[OldOleMiss]

Groan- didn't know where else to share and this thread seemed appropriate enough-and need to vent--- a friend of mine contacted me about a month ago-- daughter will be a freshman at Alabama. She asked if I would write a rec. and give them some "recruitment advice"- this girl is not only OOS but northern OOS (NJ) AND has ZERO greek family connections-- of course I said I would be happy to help and told her what daughter needed to get me (and other writers) for the rec.

Friend JUST called me and after thanking me profusely for the offer to help told me that after preview weekend Daughter has been invited to SEVERAL teas- so she thinks they are ---direct quote "good to go on the whole rush thing"-- end quote.... OMG- can I just slap her?? I tried my best to explain to her that recs are still going to be needed, etc.. etc... but friend didn't want to hear any of it. I can only HOPE she comes to her senses soon or she is going to have one very upset daughter on her hands.... I talked until I was blue- and finally hung up with a "good luck, let me know if she changes her mind"-- UGH! some people just need to have sense slapped into them......

[Lovethesand]

Originally Posted by OldOleMiss

Groan- didn't know where else to share and this thread seemed appropriate enough-and need to vent--- a friend of mine contacted me about a month ago-- daughter will be a freshman at Alabama. She asked if I would write a rec. and give them some "recruitment advice"- this girl is not only OOS but northern OOS (NJ) AND has ZERO greek family connections-- of course I said I would be happy to help and told her what daughter needed to get me (and other writers) for the rec.

Friend JUST called me and after thanking me profusely for the offer to help told me that after preview weekend Daughter has been invited to SEVERAL teas- so she thinks they are ---direct quote "good to go on the whole rush thing"-- end quote.... OMG- can I just slap her?? I tried my best to explain to her that recs are still going to be needed, etc.. etc... but friend didn't want to hear any of it. I can only HOPE she comes to her senses soon or she is going to have one very upset daughter on her hands.... I talked until I was blue- and finally hung up with a "good luck, let me know if she changes her mind"-- UGH! some people just need to have sense slapped into them......

As an OOS with no Greek family connections I can relate to your friend to some extent. You don't know the ins and outs and recruitment brochures and the schools can make it seem like you sign up, show up, and at the end you'll have a house. Add in the mix of getting invited to teas and you can think you're good to go. I probably would have thought Debbie was good to go too........... until I came across this site.

If you have a friend like yourself or stumble upon this site then you slowly start to learn what you thought you knew about the process greatly differs from reality. In addition, a Greek friend in a WA school may have a completely different perspective than a Greek friend in AL.

When my Debbie went through recruitment I tried to share with my husband the before, during, and after of recruitment. He just didn't get it. He especially didn't understand recs when everybody has to get them what then made them unique or special. I couldn't explain it either but told him she had to have them.

An outsider to the process can easily be led to believe by talking to a school's Panhellenic office that it's not that big a deal when you know that it's exactly the opposite. Sometimes it's easier to take the "official" word as gospel instead of a friend or someone in the know. Maybe after teas your friend will come back to you for more info once her daughter hears the other girls talk. Tea/pre-tent talk can open a lot of eyes in a good or bad way.

[OldOleMiss]

AWESOME perspective Lovethesand-- THANKS!!! I guess I have never thought of it from the point of view of an OOS / non-greek / non SEC parent / PNM. Being from the south and then going through SEC recruitment my perspective is definitely more skewed. You are right- they really don't have any idea. I have tried to steer them to this site, but it was clear from my recent conversation that they have not checked it out. I really do hope that the teas will open daughters eyes a little bit, I also casually mentioned it to another friend of ours who, while did not attend a competitive recruitment school, was in a sorority and knows the importance of recs... she is going to see if she can also slip into the conversation in the coming days how daughter is going to need much much more than just some cute outfits and a couple of tea invites. Like I said in my rant I really do pray that they come to their senses...

[AOIILisa]

Originally Posted by OldOleMiss

AWESOME perspective Lovethesand-- THANKS!!! I guess I have never thought of it from the point of view of an OOS / non-greek / non SEC parent / PNM. Being from the south and then going through SEC recruitment my perspective is definitely more skewed. You are right- they really don't have any idea. I have tried to steer them to this site, but it was clear from my recent conversation that they have not checked it out. I really do hope that the teas will open daughters eyes a little bit, I also casually mentioned it to another friend of ours who, while did not attend a competitive recruitment school, was in a sorority and knows the importance of recs... she is going to see if she can also slip into the conversation in the coming days how daughter is going to need much much more than just some cute outfits and a couple of tea invites. Like I said in my rant I really do pray that they come to their senses...

Yes, or even from the POV of northern greeks who aren't on this site. Before I came here, I wouldn't have known how different SEC rush is from anywhere else and would have probably been just as nonchalant about getting recs as your friend.

As a reference: my alumnae chapter was just reviewing its goals for the year and one of them was to write at least one MIF (our term for a rec). We wrote.. exactly one, for someone who was going to a big SEC school. (There was a collective sigh around the room over what the poor kid is going to experience going through recruitment there!). Penn State and all the other PA schools just don't use recs, for the most part. Yet I am sure there are other AOII alum chapters that write hundreds!

[OldOleMiss]

What I can't understand though is like ASTalumna06 said- what does it hurt... why not line up the recs... I know the Ole Miss site specifically says on their website that recs are highly encouraged- and I have to imagine Alabama's says the same thing (???)-- so why not get them!!? I guess I am just an "over-preparer" but I always think "better safe than sorry" in any situation…

[Lovethesand]

Originally Posted by OldOleMiss

What I can't understand though is like ASTalumna06 said- what does it hurt... why not line up the recs... I know the Ole Miss site specifically says on their website that recs are highly encouraged- and I have to imagine Alabama's says the same thing (???)-- so why not get them!!? I guess I am just an "over-preparer" but I always think "better safe than sorry" in any situation…

I'm definitely like you - an over-preparer - while my Debbie isn't. Drives me absolutely crazy that she isn't and I'm sure it drives her crazy that I am.

I really think it goes back to you don't know what you don't know. I'm pretty sure once she gets to teas the other PNMs will open her eyes to SEC Greek reality.

[OldOleMiss]

I hope you are right love!! BTW I just finished reading Debbie's rush story and by far one of my faves!!!!

[thetalady]

Originally Posted by OldOleMiss

What I can't understand though is like ASTalumna06 said- what does it hurt... why not line up the recs... I know the Ole Miss site specifically says on their website that recs are highly encouraged- and I have to imagine Alabama's says the same thing (???)-- so why not get them!!? I guess I am just an "over-preparer" but I always think "better safe than sorry" in any situation…

I think they don't bother with recs for a couple of reasons:

1. It is just SOOOOOO much work (done with that dismissive tone that teenagers excell at)

2. Special Snowflakes think the rules don't apply to them because they are just... so... SPECIAL

3. Teenagers seem to think that if you can't do it via Instagram or Snapchat, it is ancient and trivial.

Yes, I am being a bit snarky today. Latest run in with a couple of little twits used up all of my restraint.

[als463]

Originally Posted by AOIILisa

Yes, or even from the POV of northern greeks who aren't on this site. Before I came here, I wouldn't have known how different SEC rush is from anywhere else and would have probably been just as nonchalant about getting recs as your friend.

As a reference: my alumnae chapter was just reviewing its goals for the year and one of them was to write at least one MIF (our term for a rec). We wrote.. exactly one, for someone who was going to a big SEC school. (There was a collective sigh around the room over what the poor kid is going to experience going through recruitment there!). Penn State and all the other PA schools just don't use recs, for the most part. Yet I am sure there are other AOII alum chapters that write hundreds!

I bolded what you said because it's a great point! I write recs for girls going through schools now as an involved alumna and a few of my girls have gone Phi Mu. I'll never forget when I was in college and we had a southern girl going through recruitment. We got a rec for her. Since I had never seen them used in recruitment, I thought it was a sign she really-really-really wanted to be a Phi Mu. I remember thinking, "Wow. This girl really wants to join our chapter. She even sent a headshot and a resume. She must really have her heart set on Phi Mu." I didn't know any better that this was common practice down south.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by OldOleMiss

Groan- didn't know where else to share and this thread seemed appropriate enough-and need to vent--- a friend of mine contacted me about a month ago-- daughter will be a freshman at Alabama. She asked if I would write a rec. and give them some "recruitment advice"- this girl is not only OOS but northern OOS (NJ) AND has ZERO greek family connections-- of course I said I would be happy to help and told her what daughter needed to get me (and other writers) for the rec.

Friend JUST called me and after thanking me profusely for the offer to help told me that after preview weekend Daughter has been invited to SEVERAL teas- so she thinks they are ---direct quote "good to go on the whole rush thing"-- end quote.... OMG- can I just slap her?? I tried my best to explain to her that recs are still going to be needed, etc.. etc... but friend didn't want to hear any of it. I can only HOPE she comes to her senses soon or she is going to have one very upset daughter on her hands.... I talked until I was blue- and finally hung up with a "good luck, let me know if she changes her mind"-- UGH! some people just need to have sense slapped into them......

I just don't understand...

Even if you (general you) think that you have recruitment figured out and a bid in the bag, why not get recs as a fail-safe?

The company I work for now is where my mom works. Her boss was essentially the person who hired me. I had met him a few times prior to my interview, and we always had great conversations. He told me a year prior when I was still living in northwestern PA (the company's home office is in Jersey) that should I ever decide to move, he would have a job waiting for me.

Guess what I did when I was told I had an interview..... I sent in my resume, brought one with me to the interview, wore a full suit (even though I was told business casual), gave them 2 letters of recommendation, 3 references, and followed it up with a thank you letter.

Nothing in life is guaranteed.

[KDCat]

Originally Posted by ASTalumna06

I just don't understand...

Even if you (general you) think that you have recruitment figured out and a bid in the bag, why not get recs as a fail-safe?

The company I work for now is where my mom works. Her boss was essentially the person who hired me. I had met him a few times prior to my interview, and we always had great conversations. He told me a year prior when I was still living in northwestern PA (the company's home office is in Jersey) that should I ever decide to move, he would have a job waiting for me.

Guess what I did when I was told I had an interview..... I sent in my resume, brought one with me to the interview, wore a full suit (even though I was told business casual), gave them 2 letters of recommendation, 3 references, and followed it up with a thank you letter.

Nothing in life is guaranteed.

By jumping through the hoops, you show them that you take the opportunity seriously and are willing to do what it takes to get the job.

Recruitment is the same way. Even if you have strong connections to a chapter, you want the whole chapter to know that you take the opportunity to join them seriously. If you don't, there is a strong chance that people in the house are going to look at you and say "Y'all, I just don't think she cares that much about us. She didn't even bother to get a rec for us. She's not serious about joining XYZ. We should let her go because she is going to drop us. There are other women who are serious about XYZ who we need to focus on."