My Boyfriend's Fraternity Hates My Sorority

[Jp685]

Issues with my boyfriend?

I mean he's not necessarily the gentleman type. His idea of taking me out on a date is taking me to a party at his dirty fraternity house which are always fun, but still I'd rather go see a movie or eat dinner than have random guys try to hit on me at a party. And sometimes at the party he just leaves me to socialize with random people while he shotguns with his brothers in the backyard. I've let it go because the parties are fun, but I feel like I deserve better treatment. It's too much greek life for me like sometimes I need to get away and just relax at home with my sisters. And when I tell him I don't want to go to a party, he gets really sad like "But I love having you there it's only a fun party when you're there with me" so I kind of get guilted into going every time. And when only a couple of my sisters are there it's not as fun because I can't take all my friends to his parties only a couple. I'd rather just do things with my sisters than be treated poorly by him. I guess I just let it all go before, but I guess his views on my sorority really just opened my eyes to see that I could do a lot better.

[AOX81]

I joined a sorority to meet and hang out with people other than my boyfriend...we had been together for a about 4 years before I rushed...

The fraternity that my boyfriend was in did not exactly care to hang out with my sorority and the feeling was mutual with most of my sisters.

I didn't care! I had so much fun at the mixers with all the OTHER fraternities and sororities!

[DrPhil]

Exactly, AOX81.

If the OP's (ex?) boyfriend is an unworthy asshole, let it be for reasons beyond Greekdom.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

Exactly, AOX81.

If the OP's (ex?) boyfriend is an unworthy asshole, let it be for reasons beyond Greekdom.

I think that was everyone's point here. Her boyfriend wasn't a jerk until he told the OP her sorority was less than his in the manner that he did. A gentleman may have said, "I'd love for my fraternity to hang out with your sorority, but I just don't see it happening because of what occurred in the past. Sorry. But you're more than welcome to invite some sisters to our parties." Instead, he sounded like an immature, stuck up a-hole. It had more to do with how he spoke to her and the fact that he didn't seem to care whether or not he hurt hurt her feelings.

When I first joined my sorority, I was hanging out with fraternity ABC more than any other, but a lot of our sisters were dating members of XYZ (and 4 of them are now married to those brothers). We mixed with them a lot, and our sweetheart was an XYZ. I didn't care. On Friday nights, I would go to ABC and a lot of my sisters would go to XYZ. No big deal.

You can't force something that neither chapter wants.

[amIblue?]

I have two thoughts.

Originally Posted by Jp685

Like I can go to their parties and bring a couple sisters with me, but the only reason I can do that is because I was dating a brother. If any of my sisters tried to go to a party without me, they wouldn't be allowed in. It's just childish like grow up. They know my sisters and they aren't bad people but because they aren't a "higher tier" sorority- nope sorry can't come in we're full. I just don't feel like putting up with that shallow mindset anymore..

1. Sounds like a bunch of really douchetastic men. I've rarely heard of a fraternity that gives a rats behind about what letters women have. Girls are allowed into fraternity parties. Almost always.

Originally Posted by Jp685

Issues with my boyfriend?

I mean he's not necessarily the gentleman type. His idea of taking me out on a date is taking me to a party at his dirty fraternity house which are always fun, but still I'd rather go see a movie or eat dinner than have random guys try to hit on me at a party. And sometimes at the party he just leaves me to socialize with random people while he shotguns with his brothers in the backyard. I've let it go because the parties are fun, but I feel like I deserve better treatment. It's too much greek life for me like sometimes I need to get away and just relax at home with my sisters. And when I tell him I don't want to go to a party, he gets really sad like "But I love having you there it's only a fun party when you're there with me" so I kind of get guilted into going every time. And when only a couple of my sisters are there it's not as fun because I can't take all my friends to his parties only a couple. I'd rather just do things with my sisters than be treated poorly by him. I guess I just let it all go before, but I guess his views on my sorority really just opened my eyes to see that I could do a lot better.

Sounds to me as if he wants to party with his friends and make sure you're available for the after party. I don't know you, but you deserve better.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by amIblue?

Sounds to me as if he wants to party with his friends and make sure you're available for the after party. I don't know you, but you deserve better.

She says he wanted her at the parties. Some people have a difficult time multitasking when they are in social settings. For example, I used to have a difficult time hanging with siblings and high school friends when they visited me in college. I wanted my siblings and high school friend to just blend in and make their own fun whereas my siblings and high school friends felt they needed a formal invitation when I was sitting and talking with other people.

Even if he didn't want her at the parties, have you all never had a different social circle than your significant others?

I don't know what the OP and her boyfriend deserve but I haven't read anything in this thread that sounds like a deal breaker

[amIblue?]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

Uh yeah have you all never had a different social circle than your significant others?

I don't know what the OP and her boyfriend deserve but I haven't read anything in this thread that sounds like a deal breaker

Absolutely I have. In fact, I recommend it, but our dates didn't consist of solely hanging out with his social circle while he ignored me while shotgunning beers with his friends. There's his time, my time, and the all important our time. My first impression of this thread was who gives a rat's behind if your chapters are mixing, but the more she's told us about him the more he sounds like he's all about him.
YMMV.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by ASTalumna06

I think that was everyone's point here. Her boyfriend wasn't a jerk until he told the OP her sorority was less than his in the manner that he did. A gentleman may have said, "I'd love for my fraternity to hang out with your sorority, but I just don't see it happening because of what occurred in the past. Sorry. But you're more than welcome to invite some sisters to our parties." Instead, he sounded like an immature, stuck up a-hole. It had more to do with how he spoke to her and the fact that he didn't seem to care whether or not he hurt hurt her feelings.

When I first joined my sorority, I was hanging out with fraternity ABC more than any other, but a lot of our sisters were dating members of XYZ (and 4 of them are now married to those brothers). We mixed with them a lot, and our sweetheart was an XYZ. I didn't care. On Friday nights, I would go to ABC and a lot of my sisters would go to XYZ. No big deal.

You can't force something that neither chapter wants.

You are typing about Greek stuff. I encourage the OP to get over the Greek stuff and see whether he is an overall asshole.

"Gentleman" is extremely subjective. Adding extra words or even a soft voice and smile does not change the point being made. It also doesn't make him a gentleman. This is all based on the OP's wording of what she claims he said.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

You are typing about Greek stuff. I encourage the OP to get over the Greek stuff and see whether he is an overall asshole.

Again, I think was everyone's point.

"Gentleman" is extremely subjective. Adding extra words or even a soft voice and smile does not change the point being made. It also doesn't make him a gentleman. This is all based on the OP's wording of what she claims he said.

Exactly. Remember, all we can analyze is what's been presented to us

And there's a big difference between saying, "Sorry, stuff happened a while ago and there's nothing I can do about it," and "My chapter is better than yours."

The OP can do what she wants. Perhaps he's a perfect guy in every other way, but she doesn't make it sound that way. I find that when people complain about one thing regarding their significant other to strangers online, there are much deeper issues there. Just my experience.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by ASTalumna06

Again, I think was everyone's point.

Based on Greek stuff.

Originally Posted by ASTalumna06

And there's a big difference between saying, "Sorry, stuff happened a while ago and there's nothing I can do about it," and "My chapter is better than yours."

I see the former as bullshit and the latter as to the point.

[DubaiSis]

A person is rarely douchy in limited context. While no, this one scenario shouldn't necessarily be a deal breaker, my guess is it started her thinking about who this guy really is.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

The point is that he should be able to show some basic respect for something that is important to her. It's not different from my boyfriend finding out I love underwater basket weaving and telling me that it's dumb, instead of just asking a few polite questions and being supportive of my time spent weaving baskets.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

The point is that he should be able to show some basic respect for something that is important to her. It's not different from my boyfriend finding out I love underwater basket weaving and telling me that it's dumb, instead of just asking a few polite questions and being supportive of my time spent weaving baskets.

This.

[DrPhil]

I don't think that's the point at all. I think that's what some GCers got from the OP's story. I interpreted the story differently. Of course, neither interpretation is necessarily correct since only the OP and the boyfriend know what's going on.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

I don't think that's the point at all. I think that's what some GCers got from the OP's story. I interpreted the story differently. Of course, neither interpretation is necessarily correct since only the OP and the boyfriend know what's going on.

The story kind of started out with one issue, and ended on another, probably causing most of the confusion.

And yes to the bold.