bid day gone wrong..so sorry this is long but heres my story

[LAblondeGPhi]

Originally Posted by IrishLake

#1 and #2 might have really liked you. They just liked a lot of other girls MORE. And all those girls liked them MORE than their other options too. That's why you didn't get a bid. And very few members REALLY know what was discussed and why you were so low on their lists. If you were dead set against #3, you shouldn't have put them on your pref card at all.

YES!!

OP - the first thing you need to know about the recruitment process is that it is complicated and that 99% of ACTIVE members do not understand the inner workings of the RFM process.

Plus, with highly selective chapters, they will probably have whole pref parties full of women whom they ADORE. I don't doubt that actives in your dream chapter really did love you and lobby for you and assumed that you chose to go elsewhere when they didn't see you in their pledge class.

While the membership selection process is private and secret to each individual chapter, I feel confident in saying (from years of seeing the same things being said by actives of all chapters) that most active members never know the detailed order of bid lists of their own chapters - they simply DO NOT KNOW where you were on the bid lists. They only know that they really loved you and wanted you.

Last thing, which I've said in other forums before. The difference between carried to the next round and released, or pledged and not pledged, can be razor thin between PNMs. There is an arbitrary cut-off that is assigned by Panhellenic (not by the chapter), and that often means that there is no statistical difference between how much a chapter liked the last woman invited and the first woman released.

I'm sorry you're so upset by the whole process, but you need to put your big girl underwear on now and learn to deal with disappointment in a mature way. This is life, girl.

Originally Posted by Sciencewoman

Maybe someone behind the scenes "accidentally" erased her from the Bid List. Of course, that never really happens, but maybe she should have her friends ask what went on during MS, just to be sure.

I try not to be mean, but sometimes....

If that were the case, it's highly unlikely that the average active would have any idea about it.

**IF*** anything happened, it most likely would have been a computer input error, and only an advisor or Panhellenic would be able to go back and double-check.

That being said, I'd bet money that this wasn't the case.

[Blue Skies]

As others have already explained, there was no mistake. You were at pref for your favorite two chapters (that alone means they did like you and could see you as a potential sister,) so you WERE on their respective bid lists. The question is what ranked number you were on each list. If you were number one, five, ten, etc. you would have matched and gotten a bid. Unfortunately you were on the lower end for each chapter and other girls matched ahead of you. If your favorite chapters each have 40 new members, then each one of those girls matched ahead of you.

Will you have success if you rerush? No one here can tell you that. You can certainly try. In your favor, you now have more friends in each chapter. To your detriment, you will be another year older and will now have a track record of not accepting a bid from a chapter that was on your pref card. Improving your grades, clubs, activities, and volunteer work might help you out.

In the future, do NOT put a chapter on your pref card if you have no intention of joining it.

[MaryPoppins]

Originally Posted by Blue Skies

In the future, do NOT put a chapter on your pref card if you have no intention of joining it.

This. By putting the third chapter on her list, OP took a bid from another PNM who probably actually wanted that third chapter. And that is also another reason why it looks bad that you declined the bid.

[chi-o_cat]

Originally Posted by Blue Skies

In the future, do NOT put a chapter on your pref card if you have no intention of joining it.

But her roommate's best friend's lab partner told her that if she didn't list all 3 chapters that she preffed, the system would automatically kick her out!

[Jenitx]

Originally Posted by chi-o_cat

But her roommate's best friend's lab partner told her that if she didn't list all 3 chapters that she preffed, the system would automatically kick her out!

Unfortunately that is EXACTLY what my niece was told just this weekend during recruitment at UT. And so she listed a 3rd choice that she really did not have an interest in. And got that choice and walked away. I am so upset with her for not giving this precious chapter a chance and so upset with the process that doesn't make this clear to the PNM. It sucked for everyone.

[pinapple]

Originally Posted by Jenitx

Unfortunately that is EXACTLY what my niece was told just this weekend during recruitment at UT. And so she listed a 3rd choice that she really did not have an interest in. And got that choice and walked away. I am so upset with her for not giving this precious chapter a chance and so upset with the process that doesn't make this clear to the PNM. It sucked for everyone.

Had your niece not listed this 3rd choice chapter, she would have gotten a phone call that she had been released from recruitment. The process worked for her. She got a bid. I saw a few girls outside of HOGG on Monday who I was down right embarrassed for. Girls who had cards in their hands and walked away. They will never experience bid day even if they change their mind and take their bid (which by the way your niece can still do) Girls who were with THEIR MOTHERS and still walked away. I guess closed mindedness is a taught skill. Really really sad.

[utkdce]

Originally Posted by pinapple

Had your niece not listed this 3rd choice chapter, she would have gotten a phone call that she had been released from recruitment. The process worked for her. She got a bid. I saw a few girls outside of HOGG on Monday who I was down right embarrassed for. Girls who had cards in their hands and walked away. They will never experience bid day even if they change their mind and take their bid (which by the way your niece can still do) Girls who were with THEIR MOTHERS and still walked away. I guess closed mindedness is a taught skill. Really really sad.

It is so sad. Sometimes it is the mother that can't accept that their daughter did not get a sorority that the mother considers good enough. In the not so distant past, I witnessed a mother removing her daughter from bid day activities at UT, after the daughter was already wearing her bid day t-shirt. Can you imagine the pain that daughter felt? Disgusting behavior by a grown woman. Yet another example of the brutality of recruitment at Texas.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by utkdce

It is so sad. Sometimes it is the mother that can't accept that their daughter did not get a sorority that the mother considers good enough. In the not so distant past, I witnessed a mother removing her daughter from bid day activities at UT, after the daughter was already wearing her bid day t-shirt. Can you imagine the pain that daughter felt? Disgusting behavior by a grown woman. Yet another example of the brutality of recruitment at Texas.

[amIblue?]

Originally Posted by utkdce

In the not so distant past, I witnessed a mother removing her daughter from bid day activities at UT, after the daughter was already wearing her bid day t-shirt.

Just

[ZTA1550]

Originally Posted by utkdce

It is so sad. Sometimes it is the mother that can't accept that their daughter did not get a sorority that the mother considers good enough. In the not so distant past, I witnessed a mother removing her daughter from bid day activities at UT, after the daughter was already wearing her bid day t-shirt. Can you imagine the pain that daughter felt? Disgusting behavior by a grown woman. Yet another example of the brutality of recruitment at Texas.

How incredibly rude!

[cinder1965]

Originally Posted by utkdce

It is so sad. Sometimes it is the mother that can't accept that their daughter did not get a sorority that the mother considers good enough. In the not so distant past, I witnessed a mother removing her daughter from bid day activities at UT, after the daughter was already wearing her bid day t-shirt. Can you imagine the pain that daughter felt? Disgusting behavior by a grown woman. Yet another example of the brutality of recruitment at Texas.

WTH? Are you for real? I am trying to picture this scene in my mind and, well, I just can't.

[Jill1228]

Originally Posted by utkdce

It is so sad. Sometimes it is the mother that can't accept that their daughter did not get a sorority that the mother considers good enough. In the not so distant past, I witnessed a mother removing her daughter from bid day activities at UT, after the daughter was already wearing her bid day t-shirt. Can you imagine the pain that daughter felt? Disgusting behavior by a grown woman. Yet another example of the brutality of recruitment at Texas.

Oh. Hell. To. The. No
I can't even

[AOII*Azra-elle]

We had one girl in absolute tears this year. She preffed us and another house. Her friend accepted a bid from the other house and she from us. She lied to us at Bid Day and told us that her parents were in town and wanted to soend time with her. Two of our sisters walked her out when her ‘parents’ got there only to find out she called friends to come get her bc she didn’t want her bid from us anymore. Why accept the bid if you aren’t going to at least give the new member process a chance? Why take the spot from someone else who may have really wanted a bid from us? And then why lie? As I am handing you your new member goodie pack and book, just be straight with me.

My understanding is that she thinks they’ll give her a bid—-that she cannot accept for a year. And, that chapter is above campus total, so they won’t be doing COB or spring recruitment. I have no sympathy at this point.

If you accept a bid, give it a chance and get to know the women. You may truly love it. If you don’t see yourself in that house, don’t pref them.

Originally Posted by pinapple

Had your niece not listed this 3rd choice chapter, she would have gotten a phone call that she had been released from recruitment. The process worked for her. She got a bid. I saw a few girls outside of HOGG on Monday who I was down right embarrassed for. Girls who had cards in their hands and walked away. They will never experience bid day even if they change their mind and take their bid (which by the way your niece can still do) Girls who were with THEIR MOTHERS and still walked away. I guess closed mindedness is a taught skill. Really really sad.

[33girl]

Exactly- once you’re bound for a year, you literally have nothing to lose by trying to get to know the sorority. Unless you have some sort of delusion and think that being Polly Pouty Pants and refusing to accept an offer of friendship makes you more attractive to other sororities.

[navane]

Originally Posted by AOII*Azra-elle

My understanding is that she thinks they’ll give her a bid—-that she cannot accept for a year. And, that chapter is above campus total, so they won’t be doing COB or spring recruitment. I have no sympathy at this point.

Oof. Let us know how that works out. If the other chapter wanted her enough, she would have been higher on their bid list.