How Moms Should Treat Their Legacy Daughters

[DaffyKD]

I go crazy when I read about mothers who only want their snowflake to pledge their group and refuse to pay for any other. Each of us chose our chapters because we felt they were the right choice on THAT campus at THAT time. We each looked at the women who were currently active and based our decision on THOSE women. Our daughters are going through recruitment at a different time, often on different campuses and unless something is very very wrong, none of the women who were in the chapter when we joined are currently doing the recruiting.

I joined in the early '70's when chapters were closing faster than you could say "boo." My pledge class was extremely small by today's standards-- 14. The year after I joined we had a HUGE pledge class-- 22. In those days there was no problem taking a legacy at our school as 1) there were very few rushing and 2) we had plenty of room. Today with pledge classes often over 100 and over 200 legacies going through recruitment there has to be cuts. Those of us who are alumna members are not sitting in on the current membership selection meetings. We had our opportunity. I think it is MUCH tougher on the active members today because of the numbers going through recruitment and the number of helicopter moms who are hovering over not only their own daughters but the current chapter members.

In the end, I did not have to worry about my daughter being cut from Kappa Delta because she did not go through recruitment. Several KDs were good friends of my daughter and had no idea that her mother was a KD. They were attempting to get her to join through COB because they wanted HER not because she was a legacy. I found this out the year after she graduated when I met up with one of these young ladies at convention.

DaffyKD

[bakd]

Originally Posted by DaffyKD

I go crazy when I read about mothers who only want their snowflake to pledge their group and refuse to pay for any other. Each of us chose our chapters because we felt they were the right choice on THAT campus at THAT time. We each looked at the women who were currently active and based our decision on THOSE women. Our daughters are going through recruitment at a different time, often on different campuses and unless something is very very wrong, none of the women who were in the chapter when we joined are currently doing the recruiting.

I joined in the early '70's when chapters were closing faster than you could say "boo." My pledge class was extremely small by today's standards-- 14. The year after I joined we had a HUGE pledge class-- 22. In those days there was no problem taking a legacy at our school as 1) there were very few rushing and 2) we had plenty of room. Today with pledge classes often over 100 and over 200 legacies going through recruitment there has to be cuts. Those of us who are alumna members are not sitting in on the current membership selection meetings. We had our opportunity. I think it is MUCH tougher on the active members today because of the numbers going through recruitment and the number of helicopter moms who are hovering over not only their own daughters but the current chapter members.

In the end, I did not have to worry about my daughter being cut from Kappa Delta because she did not go through recruitment. Several KDs were good friends of my daughter and had no idea that her mother was a KD. They were attempting to get her to join through COB because they wanted HER not because she was a legacy. I found this out the year after she graduated when I met up with one of these young ladies at convention.

DaffyKD

The fact that you refer to my legacy daughter as a "snowflake" rather proves my point doesn't it?

[33girl]

You know, it's always nice when someone comes along and posts in a thread and totally validates its purpose. It's kind of like when you have a car accident and you're kind of happy in a way that it happened since you spent all that money on insurance.

[bakd]

Originally Posted by 33girl

You know, it's always nice when someone comes along and posts in a thread and totally validates its purpose. It's kind of like when you have a car accident and you're kind of happy in a way that it happened since you spent all that money on insurance.

Wow. That was sort of passive/aggressive or something.

I come here just to share a differing opinion with a rather unique story twist (did legacy status help or hurt) and I get attacked.

Thanks.

If we don't listen to each other, how can we improve this controversial situation? I just know that there is a better way. We need to find it.

[ColdInCanada11]

Originally Posted by bakd

Wow. That was sort of passive/aggressive or something.

I come here just to share a differing opinion with a rather unique story twist (did legacy status help or hurt) and I get attacked.

Thanks.

If we don't listen to each other, how can we improve this controversial situation? I just know that there is a better way. We need to find it.

This is only controversial to a small subset of people. There are several GCers who work with their respective IHQ, and definitely know what they are talking about. I'm sorry that you aren't able to be sisters with your daughter, that is a truly unique situation. However, most people do not get to experience that. You continue to say, she had a great experience in recruitment and loves her house. Well, all you've done is massively complain. What you are presenting does not relay those feelings of happiness.

[bakd]

Originally Posted by ColdInCanada11

This is only controversial to a small subset of people. There are several GCers who work with their respective IHQ, and definitely know what they are talking about. I'm sorry that you aren't able to be sisters with your daughter, that is a truly unique situation. However, most people do not get to experience that. You continue to say, she had a great experience in recruitment and loves her house. Well, all you've done is massively complain. What you are presenting does not relay those feelings of happiness.

SHE is happy enough.

Wait, also, isn't this almost entire 23 page thread about this and other mom/daughter controversial subjects?

Also, about the complaining...I'm no feminist, but to say that a sorority woman shouldn't complain because it is unseemly just smacks of control. I am only complaining to help make this situation better in the future. After all, for me it is too late. Since this happened to us, you wouldn't believe the number of sisters that I have told me that they were never volunteering or donating again because of this situation. What other system asks for loyalty and work with no reward? I think that the sororities are going to be sorry for this policy in the long run. Yes, sororities are popular right now, but you know what they say, "easy come, easy go". We are (by virtue of this very topic) training these girls to think that sorority life is just a "for college thing" with no payoff for alumna loyalty. I believe that we will definitely find our $ and volunteer base dried up then. And then, we will find ourselves in a situation like the 1970s.... Wash, Rinse, Repeat.

[ColdInCanada11]

Originally Posted by bakd

SHE is happy enough. I am not.

Ahhhh, I see. Have fun harboring that resentment, it's going to do you a lot of good.

FWIW, I work in university admissions and talk to parents in similar situations every day. Policies are not made to benefit a small minority, that's how life goes. You also seem to be missing the fact that YOU AREN'T A COLLEGIAN. You wouldn't be active with her, therefore your opinion that the chapter would be "the same or better" with her is purely speculative and moot. Good Lord, Tuesdays are something, that's for sure.

[ColdInCanada11]

Originally Posted by bakd

SHE is happy enough.

Wait, also, isn't this almost entire 23 page thread about this and other mom/daughter controversial subjects?

Oh, you got me!

[AZTheta]

Originally Posted by bakd

SHE is happy enough.

Wait, also, isn't this almost entire 23 page thread about this and other mom/daughter controversial subjects?

Also, about the complaining...I'm no feminist, but to say that a sorority woman shouldn't complain because it is unseemly just smacks of control. I am only complaining to help make this situation better in the future. After all, for me it is too late. Since this happened to us, you wouldn't believe the number of sisters that I have told me that they were never volunteering or donating again because of this situation. What other system asks for loyalty and work with no reward? I think that the sororities are going to be sorry for this policy in the long run. Yes, sororities are popular right now, but you know what they say, "easy come, easy go". We are (by virtue of this very topic) training these girls to think that sorority life is just a "for college thing" with no payoff for alumna loyalty. I believe that we will definitely find our $ and volunteer base dried up then. And then, we will find ourselves in a situation like the 1970s.... Wash, Rinse, Repeat.

Nowhere in my vows did it state that my reward for loyalty and hard work would be membership for any progeny I might have. "Payoff"? Really? This is news to me.

Further, what does it say about your sisters' loyalty to their GLO, if they put those types of conditions on their membership? "I am only going to support my GLO as long as I get what I want." How mature. Further, THAT sounds like bullying to me.

Simple mathematics indicates that the number of legacies far exceeds the available openings in any given chapter. As for your "national officer" comment - I think you're grasping at straws to support your unhappiness.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by bakd

SHE is happy enough.

Wait, also, isn't this almost entire 23 page thread about this and other mom/daughter controversial subjects?

Also, about the complaining...I'm no feminist, but to say that a sorority woman shouldn't complain because it is unseemly just smacks of control. I am only complaining to help make this situation better in the future. After all, for me it is too late. Since this happened to us, you wouldn't believe the number of sisters that I have told me that they were never volunteering or donating again because of this situation. What other system asks for loyalty and work with no reward? I think that the sororities are going to be sorry for this policy in the long run. Yes, sororities are popular right now, but you know what they say, "easy come, easy go". We are (by virtue of this very topic) training these girls to think that sorority life is just a "for college thing" with no payoff for alumna loyalty. I believe that we will definitely find our $ and volunteer base dried up then. And then, we will find ourselves in a situation like the 1970s.... Wash, Rinse, Repeat.

Your last statement is doubtful. It's not as if our orgs are not pledging legacies at all or not pledging anyone. Plenty of women are joining.

Also, there are chapters who have high numbers of legacies to the point that they simply have to prioritize (for lack of a better word) legacies based on several factors (i.e. chapter legacies v. those from out of state.) Example: If you are a Big Texas University chapter member, and you have 2 equally qualified legacies, the one whose mom went to Big Texas might get the invite over the one who is from out of state.

It's entirely possible that the legacies who do not get bids are those not connected enough to the institution. Or their moms weren't particularly active. You wouldn't believe how many mad legacy moms swear they're never donating or doing ______ again when the only time the sorority heard or saw them was when they had a daughter coming through. Like, they'd never done any of that to begin with!

[bakd]

Originally Posted by ColdInCanada11

This is only controversial to a small subset of people. There are several GCers who work with their respective IHQ, and definitely know what they are talking about. I'm sorry that you aren't able to be sisters with your daughter, that is a truly unique situation. However, most people do not get to experience that. You continue to say, she had a great experience in recruitment and loves her house. Well, all you've done is massively complain. What you are presenting does not relay those feelings of happiness.

With all due respect, you said that you are not a legacy so you have no skin in this game.

If you were a legacy and it occured to you that you may have been specifically got cut BECAUSE you were a legacy and were therefore less than equal to other PNMs at a house, you might see it differently.

It is a valid complaint, IMHO.

[ColdInCanada11]

Originally Posted by bakd

With all due respect, you said that you are not a legacy so you have no skin in this game.

If you were a legacy and it occured to you that you may have been specifically got cut BECAUSE you were a legacy and were therefore less than equal to other PNMs at a house, you might see it differently.

It is a valid complaint, IMHO.

Once again, you got me! I'll also discard all of my graduate work in history because I wasn't there and "have no skin in [the] game".