How Moms Should Treat Their Legacy Daughters

[bakd]

Originally Posted by BeeBee23

I actually just read a TON of comments regarding this on the ADPi facebook page. Basically a bunch of moms are expressing their now "hate" for ADPi because their precious daughters were cut from the ADPi chapter during recruitment and no longer will support ADPi in any way and are demanding explanations. It's ridiculous! I think there is a huge generation gap going on and that mom's arent understanding (or remembering or refusing to remember) that membership selection cannot be told to them, and it's nothing against them or their daughter that they were cut.

Whoever runs the ADPi page politely responded with the "too many legacies to meet quota" only to be attacked by the moms saying it's a silly excuse.

I wish there was a way to help them understand about how the system works in today's times. ADPi has published articles regarding these issues, but moms seem to disregard it until their baby girl gets cut and then all hell breaks loose! It's just sad to see these grown women bashing their sorority and trying to encourage PNMs not to pledge ADPi because "legacies aren't treated fairly."

Or could it possibly be because it is true, and they have some perspective on that fact.

Remember, many of these current alumna moms are from roughly the years 1980 - 1986 and they virtually "saved" the Greek system.

Chapters during that time frame were closing right and left, and the popularity that the sororities have now is a direct result of the efforts of that annoying alumna from 30 years ago.

[Nanners52674]

Originally Posted by bakd

Or could it possibly be because it is true, and they have some perspective on that fact.

Remember, many of these current alumna moms are from roughly the years 1980 - 1986 and they virtually "saved" the Greek system.

Chapters during that time frame were closing right and left, and the popularity that the sororities have now is a direct result of the efforts of that annoying alumna from 30 years ago.

[bakd]

Originally Posted by Nanners52674

Really, an eyeroll?

Why are legacies seen as the enemy? I just don't get it.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by bakd

Really, an eyeroll?

Why are legacies seen as the enemy? I just don't get it.

Where on EARTH did you get that?

Sorority members want to give legacies a good look and hope that they'll find someone who would be a good sister, and if not, they hope she'll find a loving sorority home with another group. In huge rushes, it is hard to give ANYONE as much time as you want. Giving a legacy "extra time" may amount to 10 minutes of extra time. It sucks, but the only other way to do it would be to make rush last for a semester. Focusing only on legacies and not paying attention to any of the other rushees isn't fair to anyone.

The eyeroll is for those moms who feel their daughters are ENTITLED to membership, even if they are a horrible fit for the chapter, even if the daughter herself would be miserable in the chapter.

[ChioLu]

Originally Posted by bakd

I think that the actives should take MOST of the qualified legacies. Simple. If they want to set a limit and rank them, fine, but I think those statistics should be released.

There are many reasons a inter/national HQ wouldn't (or couldn't) put a quota on the # of legacies each chapter had to pledge. Talk about chapters resenting their headquarters! It would be a nightmare for HQ dealing with chapters going "rogue"!

Of the 7 women in my family who went Greek, only 2 are in the same sorority. I am happy my legacy houses didn't continue inviting me back due to legacy status -- I LOVE WHERE I LANDED. It would have been confusing (during a stressful recruitment): Do I go where my heart leads me or do should I be an XYZ because my [insert relative] was in the same house?

You said your daughter is happy where she is.
Excellent.
That's the outcome you should hope for no matter what sorority she is in.

And remember, your future grandaughter will be a legacy of 2 GLOs.

[bakd]

Originally Posted by ChioLu

There are many reasons a inter/national HQ wouldn't (or couldn't) put a quota on the # of legacies each chapter had to pledge. Talk about chapters resenting their headquarters! It would be a nightmare for HQ dealing with chapters going "rogue"!

Of the 7 women in my family who went Greek, only 2 are in the same sorority. I am happy my legacy houses didn't continue inviting me back due to legacy status -- I LOVE WHERE I LANDED. It would have been confusing (during a stressful recruitment): Do I go where my heart leads me or do should I be an XYZ because my [insert relative] was in the same house?

You said your daughter is happy where she is.
Excellent.
That's the outcome you should hope for no matter what sorority she is in.

And remember, your future grandaughter will be a legacy of 2 GLOs.

I'll put it another way:

Have you ever known of a case where a national officer of any sorority has had a daughter that joined any house other than her own? I only know of one from many years ago and that is because the daughter went to a university for a specific academic program, and the school did not offer a chapter of that sorority. She joined her paternal grandmother's house. What is sauce for the goose should be sauce for the gander.

Why should other alumna be bullied into feeling that they are selfish if they want their legacy in their sorority? (Presuming the daughter wants to be there, too.)

[ADqtPiMel]

Originally Posted by bakd

I'll put it another way:

Have you ever known of a case where a national officer of any sorority has had a daughter that joined any house other than her own? I only know of one from many years ago and that is because the daughter went to a university for a specific academic program, and the school did not offer a chapter of that sorority. She joined her paternal grandmother's house. What is sauce for the goose should be sauce for the gander.

Why should other alumna be bullied into feeling that they are selfish if they want their legacy in their sorority? (Presuming the daughter wants to be there, too.)

I think I said this somewhere upthread -- my mother is a former national officer of Kappa Alpha Theta. My grandmother and great-grandmother were also members, and my great-grandmother was a founding member at the chapter where I went through recruitment.

The Theta chapter at my campus released me. Why? I have no idea -- I had a strong recruitment otherwise and ended up in the chapter of my choice -- but I know they are a very highly desired chapter and usually have more legacies rushing than quota. My mom was upset, but she also understood that it was the active members' prerogative to do so.

I'm an international officer in my own organization now, and despite my background, I feel strongly that chapters should be able to make their own membership selection decisions within the legacy policy of the international organization. I don't want to be a part of an organization where every pledge class is made up entirely of legacies. I don't want to exclude possible members who are first generation college students; who are from a less wealthy background; who don't have the privilege of knowing the right people.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by bakd

Or could it possibly be because it is true, and they have some perspective on that fact.

Remember, many of these current alumna moms are from roughly the years 1980 - 1986 and they virtually "saved" the Greek system.

Chapters during that time frame were closing right and left, and the popularity that the sororities have now is a direct result of the efforts of that annoying alumna from 30 years ago.

I was in a chapter in the latter part of those years, and I assure you that even when Greek life was in the toilet, there were STILL girls who got cut.

Why a mom would want her daughter to be chosen just because she's her daughter, I honestly don't understand. I love my parents with all my heart, but God was it good to get away to college where I was something other than "Dad33's daughter" or "Mom33's little girl."

[ComradesTrue]

Originally Posted by bakd

Or could it possibly be because it is true, and they have some perspective on that fact.

Remember, many of these current alumna moms are from roughly the years 1980 - 1986 and they virtually "saved" the Greek system.

Chapters during that time frame were closing right and left, and the popularity that the sororities have now is a direct result of the efforts of that annoying alumna from 25 years ago.

Because what is true? That [insert sorority here] doesn't value the legacy relationship?

My experience is that all organizations, including the aforementioned ADPi, value that relationship. However, when 150 legacies are going through recruitment and quota will be in the 60s, what does the 1980s generation recommend that their chapters do?

And please don't interpret this a generation bash. I pledged in 1992, so right on the heels on these moms. Their membership is certainly valued.

My organization has been shouting from the treetops about the legacy number quandary. However, my first-hand experience has been that the moms who protest the most are the ones who have been least involved in their organization for the past 10-15 years. I cast no judgment on their lack of involvement- we women can only do so much- but to not be involved and THEN bash the current ways that things are done is quite disrespectful and uninformed.

[bakd]

Originally Posted by ComradesTrue

Because what is true? That [insert sorority here] doesn't value the legacy relationship?

My experience is that all organizations, including the aforementioned ADPi, value that relationship. However, when 150 legacies are going through recruitment and quota will be in the 60s, what does the 1980s generation recommend that their chapters do?

And please don't interpret this a generation bash. I pledged in 1992, so right on the heels on these moms. Their membership is certainly valued.

My organization has been shouting from the treetops about the legacy number quandary. However, my first-hand experience has been that the moms who protest the most are the ones who have been least involved in their organization for the past 10-15 years. I cast no judgment on their lack of involvement- we women can only do so much- but to not be involved and THEN bash the current ways that things are done is quite disrespectful and uninformed.

I think that if the national organizations would release some actual stats about how many legacies went through, etc. many alumna could come to grips with those facts. As it is, the numbers are never named, they only say that "at some larger campuses the # of legacies is larger than quota..." Yet, later when we see the bid day pictures - we only see a handful of legacies. It just sounds like hooey.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by bakd

I think that if the national organizations would release some actual stats about how many legacies went through, etc. many alumna could come to grips with those facts. As it is, the numbers are never named, they only say that "at some larger campuses the # of legacies is larger than quota..." Yet, later when we see the bid day pictures - we only see a handful of legacies. It just sounds like hooey.

It's true. Which is why they cannot take all of them. If Q is 60 and and you have 70 legacies, then take all legacies, you get, well, a class of legacies. And the 10 left over would still cry foul.

[WCsweet<3]

Originally Posted by bakd

I think that if the national organizations would release some actual stats about how many legacies went through, etc. many alumna could come to grips with those facts. As it is, the numbers are never named, they only say that "at some larger campuses the # of legacies is larger than quota..." Yet, later when we see the bid day pictures - we only see a handful of legacies. It just sounds like hooey.

I don't have stats, but what would you like the chapters to do? Take every single legacy regardless of whether or not they fit or make the membership requirements? If you'd rather alumnae and moms do the membership selection than the collegiate actives, I think you need to check your priorities.

[bakd]

Originally Posted by WCsweet<3

I don't have stats, but what would you like the chapters to do? Take every single legacy regardless of whether or not they fit or make the membership requirements? If you'd rather alumnae and moms do the membership selection than the collegiate actives, I think you need to check your priorities.

I think that the actives should take MOST of the qualified legacies. Simple. If they want to set a limit and rank them, fine, but I think those statistics should be released.

[WCsweet<3]

Originally Posted by bakd

I think that the actives should take MOST of the qualified legacies. Simple. If they want to set a limit and rank them, fine, but I think those statistics should be released.

This is delving into membership selection, which as you said you were a member of a sorority and should know, is private and NOTHING leaves the selection process room. It would make no sense for any nationals to set up a system to make a cut off or to publish because A) recruitment around the nation is so widely variant that it would be beyond foolish and B) membership selection is based on the chapter, not nationals, and is always private.

Sorry your daughter's recruitment didn't work out, but there is no way you could (or probably should) know why they cut her. Perhaps they just didn't like your daughter and it had nothing to do with her legacy status. Maybe if she has friends in the chapter now that some of the seniors who have graduated had something against her. Perhaps she didn't make a great impression during recruitment because she was tired during that round. There are too many variables to just base it off of legacy status.

[bakd]

Originally Posted by WCsweet<3

This is delving into membership selection, which as you said you were a member of a sorority and should know, is private and NOTHING leaves the selection process room. It would make no sense for any nationals to set up a system to make a cut off or to publish because A) recruitment around the nation is so widely variant that it would be beyond foolish and B) membership selection is based on the chapter, not nationals, and is always private.

Sorry your daughter's recruitment didn't work out, but there is no way you could (or probably should) know why they cut her. Perhaps they just didn't like your daughter and it had nothing to do with her legacy status. Maybe if she has friends in the chapter now that some of the seniors who have graduated had something against her. Perhaps she didn't make a great impression during recruitment because she was tired during that round. There are too many variables to just base it off of legacy status.

All I said was that she may have stood a better chance if she did not disclose her legacy status. Of course, there is no way to know, but she did otherwise have a perfect rush and went to a house that was equal or superior in the "rankings" (if one cares about those).