still single....

[clarinette]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

Remember all the hue and cry over the Girls episode when she hooked up with Patrick Wilson?

Yeah, and I loved his wife's comment about that hoopla too.

[ASUADPi]

Remember you can always go to Nevada where prostitution is legal.

[DrPhil]

LOL

http://www.care2.com/greenliving/wom...-pressure.html

I find this hilarious because she isn't really (so she claims) living her life with mannequins. She's being a funny photographer. The comments section is interesting.

[NinjaPoodle]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

LOL

http://www.care2.com/greenliving/wom...-pressure.html

I find this hilarious because she isn't really (so she claims) living her life with mannequins. She's being a funny photographer. The comments section is interesting.

BRILLIANT!!

[DrPhil]

Woman at gynecologist office:
Front desk attendant: marital status
Woman: NOT married (happily so)
Attendant: Okay...single
Woman: No...not single...not married.
Attendant: you're trying to be difficult. I bet you're a sweetheart.
Woman: *thinking to herself: uh...I'm too grown to be flattered by "sweetheart" and there's nothing difficult about expecting offices to expand their relationship categories. You want these medical people to acknowledge a more vast range of life circumstances in order to address how these life circumstances impact your health.*

[wildcatpride]

ASUADPi, I've read along on these boards forever but never posted until now - but your post really hit home with me. I'm 34, single, haven't had a relationship in more than a decade, and you pretty much said exactly what I've been struggling with over the past few months. Part of me knows that I'm really good at being single (and is able to appreciate some of the freedoms that go along with it), and the other part just thinks it would be nice to have someone to cuddle with from time to time, or someone who goes with you when you move across the state. It gets lonely. And I'm a high school teacher, so not much chance of meeting eligible men in my line of work! At any rate, I just wanted to post and commiserate - and as someone who frequently gets down on myself for being single, it sort of helps to know that even people I view as cool and interesting (based on reading posts here for a long time) go through the same thing I am.

[sigmagirl2000]

Originally Posted by wildcatpride

ASUADPi, I've read along on these boards forever but never posted until now - but your post really hit home with me. I'm 34, single, haven't had a relationship in more than a decade, and you pretty much said exactly what I've been struggling with over the past few months. Part of me knows that I'm really good at being single (and is able to appreciate some of the freedoms that go along with it), and the other part just thinks it would be nice to have someone to cuddle with from time to time, or someone who goes with you when you move across the state. It gets lonely. And I'm a high school teacher, so not much chance of meeting eligible men in my line of work! At any rate, I just wanted to post and commiserate - and as someone who frequently gets down on myself for being single, it sort of helps to know that even people I view as cool and interesting (based on reading posts here for a long time) go through the same thing I am.

I got married last summer, but before that, let me tell you - as a super nerdy high school math teacher, I met PLENTY of eligible and hot, smart, intelligent, amusing, enlightening men in my line of work! Sounds like you need a new school district!

[wildcatpride]

Originally Posted by sigmagirl2000

I got married last summer, but before that, let me tell you - as a super nerdy high school math teacher, I met PLENTY of eligible and hot, smart, intelligent, amusing, enlightening men in my line of work! Sounds like you need a new school district!

Maybe I'm in the wrong state! I've taught in five different school systems in NC over the past ten years and am hoping to stay put for a while (despite the lack of single men here). There were definitely some cute unmarried men in some of my previous schools, but they usually weren't unmarried for very long.

[KAPPAcino]

I tried marriage but it didn't work. It took marriage for me to realize I wasn't cut for it. There's no way I could see myself together with one woman for the rest of my life. I'd get tired of that after the first year. After I'm done having sex, I'd rather roll over and go to sleep without cuddling, or pillow talk. I have no attachment or emotion after sex. None. Marriage is great for some people, but all the responsibility and give and take that comes with it would make me feel trapped. If I had do that with someone "until death do us part" I'd be miserable. Those words make me cringe. Sex? Yes. Marriage/LTR? No.

[elicampbell]

After my last "relationship" crashed and burned. I realize that I make bad choices in dates. I said "Self if you cannot choose any better than you have done, you need to be single." That was over a year ago.

On another note, I had a priest ask me if I had thought about going into the priesthood. His reason, I am single therefore celibate.

[tld221]

Wow, this thread is capturing a LOT of where I am in life.

Re: marriage. I grew up not wanting to be married. Didn't dream about it or anything. Couldn't ever imagine me and a +1. As an adult, it still is difficult. There are a lot of blanks, but I have realized that while ideally I would want a husband, a wife wouldn't be out of the question. I guess I'd want a life partner who also wants one.

Re: kids. Same as marriage. I have a lot of negative views of parenting (some that I need to work through, others that I'm comfortable in holding regardless of societal pressure) and I definitely identify with being a childless adult. I get nervous when I actually feel positive about having children and being a mother because I don't know if it's a genuine feeling or because I'm inundated with with boatloads of FB feeds of babies doing cutesy baby things. To date, I've only dreamt of being happy about having a man's baby once (we never dated, were never a thing, just really admired him). The role of parent never seemed joyous to me, and while most worry about regretting NOT having children... I think I'd regret having them.

Re: virginity. Whoever talked about detaching sex and love? Yeah, that. I've never tied sex to marriage or religion, so it was a little easier to detach. But I totally get still wanting it to mean something. I lost my virginity (I so wish there was a better phrase) at 25 and while it wasn't ideal, I was just glad to be over with it. It's still hard detach sex and emotion for me. Just means I (still) don't have (lots of) sex.

Re: dating. ugh. NYC has NEVER proven to be a great place for me as a single woman. Everyone dates everyone, despite how big the city is, and most folks I know who are married/engaged knew their mate in college or HS, or via family friend. I don't trust anyone in my family to set me up. My university wasn't the school you went for an MRS - I can only think of 3 couples from college who married. One is a doctor, the other two are lawyers. None of them are SAHM in the least bit and from what I remember about them, they always intended to be career AND family women. The doctor had a baby, the lawyers, dunno.

All this to say... in my heart of hearts, if I ended up a childless, single woman, I could be OK with that. As long as I managed to eek out a decent dating life and didnt struggle financially. I get my fill of children through friend's kids and I love a quiet home! But part of me just wants to give in to societal pressure and just be excited and overwhelmed with desire to birth children and search for Mr. Right with everyone else, because few people can be OK with a woman who doesn't want to put her ovaries to use or change her name for someone else without an eyeroll or disparaging attack to her femininity, sexuality or purpose.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by tld221

Re: marriage. I grew up not wanting to be married. Didn't dream about it or anything. Couldn't ever imagine me and a +1. As an adult, it still is difficult. There are a lot of blanks, but I have realized that while ideally I would want a husband, a wife wouldn't be out of the question. I guess I'd want a life partner who also wants one.

Re: kids. Same as marriage. I have a lot of negative views of parenting (some that I need to work through, others that I'm comfortable in holding regardless of societal pressure) and I definitely identify with being a childless adult. I get nervous when I actually feel positive about having children and being a mother because I don't know if it's a genuine feeling or because I'm inundated with with boatloads of FB feeds of babies doing cutesy baby things. To date, I've only dreamt of being happy about having a man's baby once (we never dated, were never a thing, just really admired him). The role of parent never seemed joyous to me, and while most worry about regretting NOT having children... I think I'd regret having them.
......
All this to say... in my heart of hearts, if I ended up a childless, single woman, I could be OK with that. As long as I managed to eek out a decent dating life and didnt struggle financially. I get my fill of children through friend's kids and I love a quiet home! But part of me just wants to give in to societal pressure and just be excited and overwhelmed with desire to birth children and search for Mr. Right with everyone else, because few people can be OK with a woman who doesn't want to put her ovaries to use or change her name for someone else without an eyeroll or disparaging attack to her femininity, sexuality or purpose.

Ditto for me to all of this (except for the part about potentially having a wife instead of a husband).

I'm currently in a relationship that I'm VERY happy with, and we've both mentioned marriage, but not in any kind of a serious way. We usually just blurt out things like: "If we ever get married, we should totally have a waffle bar and cookie table at our wedding!" while watching a commercial for IHOP. Neither one of us is in any kind of a rush. And even though I could see us tying the knot one day, the idea still kind of freaks me out.

As for kids, what you've said above is exactly how I feel about the whole thing. For those Grey's Anatomy fans out there, it's like Christina said once: "I'd rather decide now to not have a baby and maybe regret it later, than reluctantly have a baby now and resent him/her." People always try to tell me, "Oh, you'll change your mind." Some days I think I will, but it'll only be because some cute kid at the grocery store smiled and waved at me; not because I suddenly have this urge to carry a child and love, nurture and care for it for the rest of my life.

People just need to realize that not everyone is the same, and not everyone desires to have the house with the white picket fence, a spouse, and 2.5 children.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by ASTalumna06

People just need to realize that not everyone is the same, and not everyone desires to have the house with the white picket fence, a spouse, and 2.5 children.

[als463]

Regarding children: I'm still not 100% sure I want children--especially if I don't adopt (because I am an advocate for adoption for personal reasons) but, I'd be lying if I didn't sometimes think, "Wow. What if I have no children and as I become elderly, I don't have kids to pass on traditions or take care of my husband and me?" It scares me.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by als463

Regarding children: I'm still not 100% sure I want children--especially if I don't adopt (because I am an advocate for adoption for personal reasons) but, I'd be lying if I didn't sometimes think, "Wow. What if I have no children and as I become elderly, I don't have kids to pass on traditions or take care of my husband and me?" It scares me.

Two things to keep in mind:

1. Your children are not obligated to care about and uphold your traditions.

2. Your children are not obligated to care for you in your old age. Why parents can still end up lonely. Also, contrary to assumptions, the average abandoned elderly person and person in nursing homes has children. China has had to beg children.