Time to End Lavaliering?

[OldOleMiss]

I'm a traditionalist at heart and I have to say it makes me very sad to think about the end of lavaliering. I don't see it as a gay / straight issue but rather a sign of affection between two young people and a sign of tradition. This may be long but I would like to share 2 of my most cherished memories involving "pinning". The first is about my Father-in-law who suffered from Alzheimer's. At one point he had "gone back in his mind" to where he thought he was 19 years old and in University. He very sweetly and solemnly asked me one night at dinner if I would "wear his pin". My husband was amazed that his father not only still had his pin and knew where it was, but also that he "remembered" what pinning was. I accepted his phi-delt pin with all of the love that a 19 year old girl would have had. I keep it in my jewelry box and I LOVE looking at it and remembering that dear sweet man. (I have also joked with my husband asking where HIS pin is...)

My second cherished memory involves my own father who passed away 6 years ago. I recently was "brave enough" to sort through his "catch-all" box that my mother had given me. Inside I found a Chi-Omega badge (Not my GLO). I knew it had to belong to an old family friend whom my father had dated in college and who had written my Chi-O rec when I was going through rush. I called her explaining that I had found a badge and wondered if it was hers as I would like to return it. She started crying. She still had my fathers Sigma-Nu pin!!! She asked that I keep her badge as she did not want to part with my fathers and that she would make sure it was returned to me after she was "gone". This touched me so greatly that she wanted to not only hold on to a piece of her youth and a piece of my father but also wanted me to hold on to it as well. They obviously never married, didn't even date past college, but clearly both cared enough to hold on to each other's badges for more than 50 years. I LOVE owning her pin almost as much as I would love to have my father's for the simple reason that it makes me closer to him in a way that ordinarily I never would have been and it helps me know the man he was before he was "dad".

Without the tradition of pinning or lavaliering I would not have either of these memories. If you do away with the tradition how many future memories are you taking away from the next generation. I know VERY few people that ended up marrying the person they were lavaliered or even pinned to in college, but I do know most of them still cherish that time in their lives and that symbol. Greek life is such a huge part of your life at that age and to a GLO member sharing their letters is the "ultimate" in sharing their love. IMHO part of what makes Greek Life so special and important is the carrying on of traditions. You celebrate the same creed, the same rituals and same values that all of your sisters and brothers before you did. You pass down to the next pledge class these traditions and the same love for the sister/brotherhood. Pins and lavalieres are part of this tradition. If you take away this simple act of two young people (gay or straight) sharing their letters-a tradition that has been shared since the beginning of GLO's- then you in essence taking away part of the history that binds individuals to their GLO.

[DrPhil]

Lavaliering is probably not going anywhere. This author is expressing an opinion. He isn't the first person to do so. All is right with the world.

By the way, saying "(gay or straight)" operates with the premise that it is so obvious and accepted that it goes without saying. Of course that isn't true which, as far as some people are concerned, is one reason to challenge certain traditions.

[Sciencewoman]

Originally Posted by OldOleMiss

My second cherished memory involves my own father who passed away 6 years ago. I recently was "brave enough" to sort through his "catch-all" box that my mother had given me. Inside I found a Chi-Omega badge (Not my GLO). I knew it had to belong to an old family friend whom my father had dated in college and who had written my Chi-O rec when I was going through rush. I called her explaining that I had found a badge and wondered if it was hers as I would like to return it. She started crying. She still had my fathers Sigma-Nu pin!!! She asked that I keep her badge as she did not want to part with my fathers and that she would make sure it was returned to me after she was "gone". This touched me so greatly that she wanted to not only hold on to a piece of her youth and a piece of my father but also wanted me to hold on to it as well. They obviously never married, didn't even date past college, but clearly both cared enough to hold on to each other's badges for more than 50 years. I LOVE owning her pin almost as much as I would love to have my father's for the simple reason that it makes me closer to him in a way that ordinarily I never would have been and it helps me know the man he was before he was "dad".

You have a big heart. I don't think I would be able to view this situation with the same generous spirit. I'd be bothered by the fact that she wanted to keep my father's badge...50 years later and she wasn't my mother/the woman he married, and by the fact that she didn't want to get her own badge back in return.

[KSUViolet06]

Something that chapters at my alma mater do: Big Sisters lavaliere their Littles. Not a romantic thing, but I think it's cool.

[adpiucf]

Lavaliering was affectionately referred to as "the kiss of death" for relationships at UCF. Once a girl was lavaliered, break-up was imminent. This was the rule, rather than the exception. But the girl got her candle lighting out of it, and the guy had to endure some ridiculous razzing from his fraternity brothers (which typically involved running down Greek Park and being thrown into Lake Claire).

I think it is a dumb tradition, and so is pinning, but I don't think that it should end because it is meaningful to many Greeks. And it shouldn't matter what gender you are. Love is love. If you want to argue that a guy shouldn't lavaliere/pin his boyfriend because that boyfriend is not a member of the fraternity, the same argument can be made for why a woman should not be allowed to wear a man's letters.

[SWTXBelle]

When the Theta Tau Chapter of Sigma Chi was installed, I was presented with a badge replica (a charm) by their Grand Consul Keith Sorensen. I was then married to the president of the local/new chapter. When I divorced him, I gave him back the badge he had pinned me with, but did NOT give him my badge charm. That was presented to me in recognition for all I did to help the colony (and trust me, it was a great deal). Since I was given it independent of my relationship with Bozo, I didn't think he had a claim to it.

[sigmagirl10]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Something that chapters at my alma mater do: Big Sisters lavaliere their Littles. Not a romantic thing, but I think it's cool.

My chapter does this, in a sense--bigs purchase lavaliers for the little to receive upon initiation.

[OldOleMiss]

Originally Posted by Sciencewoman

You have a big heart. I don't think I would be able to view this situation with the same generous spirit. I'd be bothered by the fact that she wanted to keep my father's badge...50 years later and she wasn't my mother/the woman he married, and by the fact that she didn't want to get her own badge back in return.

sciencewoman- I would have been bothered by the fact if she HAD wanted her badge back and did not want to give up my fathers... but the simple fact that both had had each other's pins for 50+ years all I could think of was the memories that they must have carried for each other. I like knowing that I own something that meant so much to my father that he didn't throw it away and that she feels the same. Imagine how crushing it would have been to find out she didn't have my dad's pin or worse that she had lost it or thrown it away. I know the pin is where it is safe and cherished. She knows the same about hers. My mother was never in a GLO as she went to an all girls college and the badge would have meant nothing to her- she probably would have tossed Dad's pin years ago during spring cleaning had she ever been in possession of it- ha ha ha.... my parents were married for 41 years and were deeply in love with each other. I look at the pin not so much as a symbol of "old love" but as a fond memory of a happy time in each of their lives.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Something that chapters at my alma mater do: Big Sisters lavaliere their Littles. Not a romantic thing, but I think it's cool.

At my school, your lavalier was always a gift from your big (until GC I thought it was that way everywhere). I wouldn't consider that "lavaliering. "

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

TJ is not always right about everything. I'm sure his partner doesn't want a lavalier now...but what about when they were active in college? Things may have been different. Not all straight or gay couples may find this practice to be important, but for those who do, to each their own.

True story. You can't compare what a 30 year old wants with what a 20 year old wants and using it as an argument is silly.

OldOleMiss, that is a beautiful story. As Patricia Neal said, there are as many ways to love as there are people to love.

[adpiucf]

Originally Posted by 33girl

At my school, your lavalier was always a gift from your big (until GC I thought it was that way everywhere). I wouldn't consider that "lavaliering. "

Same.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by 33girl

True story. You can't compare what a 30 year old wants with what a 20 year old wants and using it as an argument is silly.

Perhaps but this goes beyond age. This is also about campus culture, certain GLO cultures, and other things. My perspective on lavaliering now is not too different than my perspective on lavaliering almost 20 years ago. The people in this thread who like lavaliering are past their 20s yet they still appreciate lavaliering.