need advice for breaking up before college

[33girl]

Originally Posted by dmabes

We decided to break up for college but remain close friends JUST IN CASE...

I read this as...

-in case she's (to use a nice euphemism) socially unsuccessful
-in case you're socially unsuccessful
-in case you both have a lonely night and want to make a booty call

I totally agree with TonyB's post. Also, breaking up before you're really ready is just going to make you look at her (and her look at you) at some point as "the one that got away." You have to let things happen organically with relationships, not artificially.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by 33girl

I read this as...

-in case she's (to use a nice euphemism) socially unsuccessful
-in case you're socially unsuccessful
-in case you both have a lonely night and want to make a booty call

I totally agree with TonyB's post. Also, breaking up before you're really ready is just going to make you look at her (and her look at you) at some point as "the one that got away." You have to let things happen organically with relationships, not artificially.

See, I'm reading his post as "we we've already made the decision to break up, and I'm already starting to move on, but we just haven't ripped the band-aid off yet so I feel very conflicted about even thinking about moving on."

I guess the OP needs to be honest with himself about which scenario is really going on here -- whether it's a situation of them breaking up because they're "supposed to" even when they don't want to, or whether it's a situation of deciding to break up because they want to but delaying the break-up's effective date because it's hard and scary to actually do it.

If the OP doesn't think the decision to break up is the right one, you and Tony are, I think, right, and he needs to revisit the decision with his girlfriend. But if he does think it's really the right decision, then he needs to own it, stop putting the actual break-up off and not live in limbo for the next few months.

[greekdee]

I guess the OP needs to be honest with himself about which scenario is really going on here -- whether it's a situation of them breaking up because they're "supposed to" even when they don't want to, or whether it's a situation of deciding to break up because they want to but delaying the break-up's effective date because it's hard and scary to actually do it.

If the OP doesn't think the decision to break up is the right one, you and Tony are, I think, right, and he needs to revisit the decision with his girlfriend. But if he does think it's really the right decision, then he needs to own it, stop putting the actual break-up off and not live in limbo for the next few months.

OP -- you're getting good advice and it's all correct -- depending on what side of the fence you're really on.

[dmabes]

Thanks for all the responses guys I appreciate them and I do agree with them all. Maybe I didn't put in enough information but I do want to break up for college, and she is on the fence about it but knows we will. When I say I love her still, I do and I believe that is possible in a relationship. It's not the romantic love though we've never had that, it's the more of a friendship love for someone like a best friend. I have decided after reading that I will talk to her about ending our relationship before summer school so I can have the remainder of the summer to get over it.
Also when I say just in case, I don't mean anything that you said... I ment just on case we get back together. Thanks for the respect...

[33girl]

Originally Posted by dmabes

When I say I love her still, I do and I believe that is possible in a relationship. It's not the romantic love though we've never had that, it's the more of a friendship love for someone like a best friend.

It sounds like you were in a very small town with a very couples-based HS culture, and you guys ended up together kind of out of necessity and out of liking each other more than anyone else around. That's cool. You are both going to have a lot more options available to you in college, though.

[LouisaMay]

There is some really excellent advice here. It sounds like you have a "sweet" relationship but not a love-of-my-life sort of thing. If you break up before college, you may have a shot of looking back at this time fondly, thinking of her with warm memories and happy nostalgia. If you don't break up and you embrace the "casual encounters" that some college students enjoy, you will probably never look this girl in the eye again. She will be hurt and angry. You will be THAT guy. You don't want that. Sounds like AlphaFrog is right on the money--if you love her, let her go.

I have to add that I positively loved TonyB06's post. Even though I basically gave the opposite advice, in general I agree that premature, artificial decisions are problematic. That kind of decision is based on how you presume you will feel at some point in the future.

Good luck, OP! I hope you have a great college career.

[dmabes]

thats spot on how we feel about each other. thanks for the understanding!

[dmabes]

nope, actually we live in a very big city, the capital of the state actually im just not going to be specific. we go to different schools. i assume that there will be more choices though.