need advice for breaking up before college

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by dmabes

my problem is that now its like a time bomb in my head and heart. i still love her as a person and enjoy being around her, but its just not the same. knowing that we are going to break up is constantly on my mind and it is even more when i am with her. its a little painful actually. Its now the first of may and i graduate the 22nd. on june 26th-july26th i will be at a pre summer freshman course 6 hours away from my home town, so i will not be able to see her then. once i return, i have to leave again august 18th permanently for college.

Basically my question is, is should i end things before the summer course?

Okay, I'm disagreeing with the others who have posted (even though I'm inclined generally to trust advice from those posters), but I'd say yes, go ahead and break up. From what you've said, you really already have broken up, both by your agreement and in your mind -- you're just delaying the effective date of the break-up. That puts you in a strange and uncomfortable limbo where you've broken up in reality but haven't broken up officially. Sometimes you just have to pull the scab off.

Stay friends if you can, not "just in case" but because you want to stay friends. But if you've already made the decision together to break up, you're not doing each other any favors by putting it off.

BTW: ive only noticed girls posting in this section, so i hope that this isn't the wrong area. i apologize if it is

For what it's worth, I'm a guy.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

Okay, I'm disagreeing with the others who have posted (even though I'm inclined generally to trust advice from those posters), but I'd say yes, go ahead and break up. From what you've said, you really already have broken up, both by your agreement and in your mind -- you're just delaying the effective date of the break-up. That puts you in a strange and uncomfortable limbo where you've broken up in reality but haven't broken up officially. Sometimes you just have to pull the scab off.

Stay friends if you can, not "just in case" but because you want to stay friends. But if you've already made the decision together to break up, you're not doing each other any favors by putting it off.

For what it's worth, I'm a guy.

I agree completely. This also gives you both time to recover before school starts rather than going in weepy messes (maybe more of a problem in her case but you never know.)

[AlphaFrog]

I'm reminded of the old "if you love someone, set them free..."

There's truth to that, though. As someone who didn't break up with their HS sweetheart, and went home most weekends to be with him, I can tell you I regret not being "free". You find out so much about yourself during college, and I would advise almost everyone to let their heart be free for awhile - even if your high school sweetheart is going to the same college. You can always get back together later (maybe go on a few dates next summer when you're both home) to see if the people you're becoming are even compatable.

[BraveMaroon]

If I could go back and change one thing about my Freshman year of college, it would be that I'd break up with my boyfriend before we both left for different schools thousands of miles away.

He was a terrific guy, we both really cared about each other, but...

I never really fully engaged my Freshman year. I spent way too much time thinking about him, counting days til I'd see him, waiting for him to call, etc.

We ended up breaking up at the end of the school year, which was devastating, and I spent the whole summer dealing with that aftermath.

Every situation is different, but I think part of the joy of college is going there as a blank slate, open to everything that comes your way. It's hard to do that if you're in a relationship with someone who is there with you.

No matter when it happens, it's going to be hard. But if you're both agreed, why not go ahead and take the summer to heal and move forward?

By the way - he's still a great guy - he married a woman who was totally right for him, they have two gorgeous kids, etc. I found the man of my dreams and married him... it totally worked out.