But I'm Perfect! (a Recruitment Story Parody)

[madoug]

Thank heavens! Bless your heart! My Pretty Princess will finally have a clear illustration of the tutoring I have been giving her since birth.

[peppermint23]

Originally Posted by madoug

Thank heavens! Bless your heart! My Pretty Princess will finally have a clear illustration of the tutoring I have been giving her since birth.

Aww you're SO welcome madoug! Bless her little heart.

[peppermint23]

So after the Awkwards we had a break and I met this frat guy across the street who was SO hot, oh my GOD. I walked right up to him and asked him which house he thought I should be in. He gave me the once-over and said - you're not going to believe this guys - "Honestly, you kind of look like a geed."

(That's GDI or GOD DAMN INDEPENDENT for those of who you don't know anything!)

He was teasing me!!! Obviously when a guy likes you he makes fun of you (teehee ) so I gave him my number as a personal favor and confidently walked away. You got to leave 'em wanting more, ladies!

Then...oh my God I can't believe it...it was time for the Goddesses! FINALLY. I asked my Pi Chi if I could just skip all the other parties after that because let's be real, I wasn't gonna end up anywhere else. She gave me this look like I'd just asked her if I could wear footie-pajamas to pref and then continued talking to the fugly PNM I'd just interrupted. I mean GEEZ, it was just a QUESTION. She's so not helpful. Can I request a new one or get like a refund for her?

We stepped in front of the Goddesses house, which was freakin' gorgeous (and had a pool and BBQ and balconies!), lined up in alphabetical order and watched them do their door song. They stepped out, looking like Vogue and Elle models, and their song sounded like angels singing in heaven. I had tears in my eyes at that point. I knew, this was where I belonged. This was where I was meant to be. I had finally found my home.

When we went inside I had the biggest smile on my face. The sister who rushed me had long, curly blonde hair, blue eyes and the most adorable outfit ever. I could tell it was expensive which made me like her right away. I was like, "Oh thank God, finally someone with style!" She just laughed (it sounded like a lovely tinkling chime) and we sat down to talk.

She asked me some boring questions because she had to so it didn't look like she was dirty rushing me or anything. I nodded sagely and said, "I'm ten steps ahead of you." I whipped out the piece of paper I'd been keeping in my bra and handed it to her. It was their house photo with me photoshopped in the middle. (I was covering a few semi-fuglies that no one would notice missing anyway). She looked at the image, her face going through a series expressions: confused, startled, visibly distraught.

I burst into tears because I could tell she felt the same way I did. "That's US!" I said. "Don't you see? And that's...(sniffle sniffle) supposed to be my leg but (voice cracking) but...it kind of looks like a squashed pickle..."

It was SO embarrassing to sob like that in front of her but I figured if we were going to be sisters she'd have to accept me for the emotional, sensitive person that I am.

"Is this a joke?" she asked.

I appreciated that she could recognize my charming sense of humor but I was a little offended that she'd asked that during such an emotional moment.

The sister got up, paper in hand, and walked over to her recruitment chair. They whispered in confidence about me while I wiped my tears away and re-did my frosted nude lip-gloss. My heart was beating so fast because I just had this feeling they were going to extend me a bid right then and there...

And then, you won't BELIEVE what happened.