But I'm Perfect! (a Recruitment Story Parody)

[StargazerLily]

and in typical recruitment story fashion... we get left hanging.

[peppermint23]

Originally Posted by StargazerLily

and in typical recruitment story fashion... we get left hanging.

Ummm like no, I'm just super busy as President of my new sorority so it's hard for me to find time to finish writing this story.

But anywayy, if you really want to know, as I'm sure you guys are DYING to find out what happened next....

Basically, I was escorted from the Goddesses house and told to wait outside until the party was over. My Pi Chi said that this hasn't happened to a single PNM in the last 50 years of recruitment at my school, and shook her head.

I was truly blessed! The Goddesses just knew, and clearly didn't need to waste any more time with me. I expected my bid in my student mailbox that evening.

So the rest of the day pretty much sucked because after the Goddesses, all of the other houses were a letdown. The Fuglies houses talked a lot about sisterhood and were really nice and accepting and welcoming but like...not only was it a shame about their faces, their dues were so LOW. They clearly had their formals at Pizza Hut or something. I mean what could they possibly do with such a terrible budget?

Anyway, what happened the next day was such a shock. Like you seriously WILL NOT believe it.

[thetalady]

Cannot wait for the end, especially since you just let slip that you are the PRESIDENT already! You must be a super special little snowflake! I am majorly, amazingly impressed

[peppermint23]

Originally Posted by thetalady

Cannot wait for the end, especially since you just let slip that you are the PRESIDENT already! You must be a super special little snowflake! I am majorly, amazingly impressed

Thanks my mom always told me I was special and destined for greatness. Well...she was always high when she said it and probably quoting whatever Oprah episode was on what but whatever.

So for second rounds I got up early to do my hair, make-up, and drove to the Red Door Spa for a mani/pedi, seawater pearl hydrating facial, Swedish massage and collagen injection. It caused me to be a little late getting to meet my rush group because the stupid bitches at the spa were taking like forEVER to run my credit card, and so my Pi Chi (and entire rush group) was pissed at me but like, PRIORITIES!

"Seriously, you guys," I said. "Do you all want me to look and smell like a wet dog when I walk into these girl's houses?"

My Pi Chi rolled her eyes and said flatly, "Oh well, in that case, you holding up the rest of the rush group for the past half hour is completely and totally justified with a rational and reasonable explanation."

Ugh, what a bitch.

So anyway I finally got my invite list, which my Pi Chi made sure to hand me last. I opened it and it read:

Fuglies

I think I stood there in shock for a good minute or two. I couldn't believe it. This could not be happening to me. It was the one thing I had a feeling going in that MIGHT have occurred. But then I took a moment to reflect. Look Angel, I thought. You knew this might happen. You knew it was possible. Let's try and accept the fact that...

The computer had fucked up my schedule!

But lemme tell you, at the time I was NOT having it. I threw a HUGE fit complete with crying, screaming, and throwing random objects around the room at my rush group and stupid lazy Pi Chi. Now, being older and wiser, I probably would have resorted to crying and screaming only.

"How could you let this happen?" I wailed, tearing my invite list up on the spot and stomping all over it with my $500 Steve Maddens. "I am Angel van Burken, destined for greatness! My grandfather owns half the Red Hot & Blue's off of Route 365! And let me tell you, he is NOT going to be happy and y'all are no longer gonna be able to use ANY OF YOUR GIFT CARDS!"

My Pi Chi refused to speak to me anymore at that point (they really need to hire more sensitive people) so they had to get another one to escort me to the Greek life office so I could take it up with them.

I took a moment in the bathroom beforehand to finish crying, fix my make-up and do some deep breathing before I could go talk to the Recruitment Director about this horrible fiasco...that was totally their fault, of course.

The extra Pi Chi led me in and said she'd wait for me outside. I asked her if she could get me a Perrier while she was at it. She just looked at me kind of weird. Maybe they don't have those drinks around here.

I sat in the Greek life director's office and explained to her my dilemma. She was a decent-looking older lady with a bad dye job but surprisingly almost NO wrinkles for her age. She remained sympathetic-looking while I sniffled and explained the horrible mistake her office had made that would cause me terrible emotional distress and possibly nightmares for the rest of my life.

"I might even need a psychologist after this," I said in a shaky voice.

She nodded and took a deep breath. "Angel, I've heard about you. You're certainly a unique and uh...veracious young woman. And I'm sorry to tell you dear, but your schedule is not a computer mix up."

"It's not?" I asked.

"No, I'm afraid not. But it looks like you have a chapter that did invite you back. They are a wonderful chapter here and clearly saw something in you that they liked. I advise you pick yourself up and go make the best of it."

I nodded and cried a little more. It was horrible. I wondered what I did wrong, what I could have possibly said that made everyone - even the ugly fat girls - hate me so much! I mean I was everything a sorority girl should be...rich, popular, hot, and incredibly superficial. It was hard to take, but in the end I resolved that these girls were all clearly complete morons who probably would marry their first cousins in this redneck town anyway.

"You're right," I told the director. "I will go...to the fuglies house."

"Yes I think that's a wise deci- I'm sorry, the what?"