Bid Promising/Dirty Rushing?

[allthatglitters]

So my school, like many others I'm sure has a strict policy against dirty rushing and bid promising. Unfortunately there is really no way to enforce that policy, which brings me to the story behind this post:

A girl in my pledge class met a girl through a mutual friend and immidiately told that girl "I want you to be my baby!" She has since brought that girl to every single social we've had and introduced this girl to everyone as her "future pledge daughter". The thing is, this girl is very very average, but she interviews SO well and because she's been at everything a lot of girls know her.

She went through recruitment as a freshman and got cut from our chapter, so she's going through now as a sophomore and has her sights set on our chapter and only our chapter and seems pretty confident because a) that girl has been telling her all year she's definitely in and b) she knows so many girls because she's always in our house hanging out and at socials. My thing is, if you were cut once, there was probably a reason, a solid reason, and I don't think its fair that she's essentially playing the system backwards and going though again to get in our house and isn't really caring about any other house. I talked to an older girl about it and she said to trust the system, so I am, but is that "dirty rushing" technically or am I just crazy?

[adpiucf]

It sounds to me like you have a very over-enthusiastic sister who would really like her friend to join your sorority. Unless your chapter has a cut once, cut always policy, give the girl a chance like everyone else. If you have any information about her that you think would be damaging to the sisterhood if she were a member, take it up with your chapter executive board or recruitment team.

I knew plenty of girls who came through as upperclassmen and got bids to their chapters because their friends were members of those chapters.

Also, are you really going to report this as dirty rushing to Panehellenic and get your chapter called out? It seems it isn't your chapter, it is one member who is just really eager bordering on a little obsessive. But she hasn't promised anyone a bid and her friend knows or has the means to know that after hanging around sororities all year and going through recruitment once. And one member being eager does not a bid make.

[gee_ess]

Also, sometimes girls get cut for random reasons. The reason is not always one that is still pertinent the next year. Often, girls get bids because they ave made friends with a sister who "champions" her.

That said, your sister has behaved inappropriately by calling the pnm her "little", etc. This is not fair to the pnm and actually makes her recruitment far more difficult. The other houses on campus have, no doubt, heard that your house favors this girl and will release her because of it.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

I would bring this to the attention of your standards chair or an advisor so it can be nipped in the bud now. If this girl doesn't get a bid, there could be hell to pay.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by allthatglitters

She went through recruitment as a freshman and got cut from our chapter, so she's going through now as a sophomore and has her sights set on our chapter and only our chapter and seems pretty confident because a) that girl has been telling her all year she's definitely in and b) she knows so many girls because she's always in our house hanging out and at socials. My thing is, if you were cut once, there was probably a reason, a solid reason, and I don't think its fair that she's essentially playing the system backwards and going though again to get in our house and isn't really caring about any other house. I talked to an older girl about it and she said to trust the system, so I am, but is that "dirty rushing" technically or am I just crazy?

I don't think this is dirty rushing at all. She got to know a sister and the sister really likes her, and apparently the other sisters do too. That's pretty much the best way to get a bid if you're a sophomore. Many women don't do well going straight from high school to sorority rush without knowing anyone (I know I wouldn't have) and that year of college makes a big difference for some people.

As far as the sister calling her "pledge daughter to be" - well, it's her reputation that's going on the line. It will shake out however it shakes out. If this girl gets a bid and turns out to be awful, you can bet no one will EVER listen to any recommendation your sister makes ever again.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by 33girl

I don't think this is dirty rushing at all. She got to know a sister and the sister really likes her, and apparently the other sisters do too. That's pretty much the best way to get a bid if you're a sophomore. Many women don't do well going straight from high school to sorority rush without knowing anyone (I know I wouldn't have) and that year of college makes a big difference for some people.

As far as the sister calling her "pledge daughter to be" - well, it's her reputation that's going on the line. It will shake out however it shakes out. If this girl gets a bid and turns out to be awful, you can bet no one will EVER listen to any recommendation your sister makes ever again.

I think it's dicey as to whether or not it's bid promising. If she is saying "you are going to be my pledge daughter" that's walking a little too close to the line for my comfort.

[gee_ess]

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

I think it's dicey as to whether or not it's bid promising. If she is saying "you are going to be my pledge daughter" that's walking a little too close to the line for my comfort.

Agreed. In this day, when you cannot even say. "I hope I see you tomorrow" to a rushee as she leaves your party, then telling everyone that this is your future little sis, is over the top.

[allthatglitters]

Oh no, I wasn't planning on running to the front door of the Greek Life office to report her or anything. Its just a very awkward situation because the girl has called her her "baby" at parties/functions/etc. all year and people are associating her with our chapter which wouldn't be bad if this girl didn't also have a dicey reputation. I guess it'll just play out on its own.

[DubaiSis]

You've changed your story. In the OP, you said she was just average and now you're saying she has a dicey reputation. Slut is not average. Or druggy or whatever. If you are a sophomore yourself, you were not part of member selection and the discussion involved is not your business, even though you are a member now. Although it's not cool for your sister to be saying these things to a rushee, your choice is to either go to standards and narc on your sister, or keep your trap shut and use your voice and your vote however your MS works.
But what I'm feeling here is jealousy of this "just average" girl who is loved and adored by so many of your sisters. Maybe you felt like it was hard for you to get in your sorority and she's just skating right in. Of course, I could be completely off base here, but that was the first thing that popped into my mind.

[Greek_or_Geek?]

Originally Posted by allthatglitters

So my school, like many others I'm sure has a strict policy against dirty rushing and bid promising. Unfortunately there is really no way to enforce that policy, which brings me to the story behind this post:

A girl in my pledge class met a girl through a mutual friend and immidiately told that girl "I want you to be my baby!" She has since brought that girl to every single social we've had and introduced this girl to everyone as her "future pledge daughter". The thing is, this girl is very very average, but she interviews SO well and because she's been at everything a lot of girls know her.

She went through recruitment as a freshman and got cut from our chapter, so she's going through now as a sophomore and has her sights set on our chapter and only our chapter and seems pretty confident because a) that girl has been telling her all year she's definitely in and b) she knows so many girls because she's always in our house hanging out and at socials. My thing is, if you were cut once, there was probably a reason, a solid reason, and I don't think its fair that she's essentially playing the system backwards and going though again to get in our house and isn't really caring about any other house. I talked to an older girl about it and she said to trust the system, so I am, but is that "dirty rushing" technically or am I just crazy?

Originally Posted by allthatglitters

Oh no, I wasn't planning on running to the front door of the Greek Life office to report her or anything. Its just a very awkward situation because the girl has called her her "baby" at parties/functions/etc. all year and people are associating her with our chapter which wouldn't be bad if this girl didn't also have a dicey reputation. I guess it'll just play out on its own.

Is she just average or has a dicey reputation? Make up your mind. You're sounding a little envious.

And if this isn't yet another argument against the use of that
"baby" junk.

[AUAZD2001]

And if this isn't yet another argument against the use of that
"baby" junk.

Yes! I can't stand all this "baby" business I've been seeing over the last few years! Ok, it's kinda cute for like 5 seconds, but really I think it's demeaning and I would have HATED to be called a "Baby Xi." IMHO (in a world where I am the queen and everybody has to do as I say) PMNs and active sisters would only be refered to as WOMEN, not girls, children, and the like. The VAST majority are 18 and adults when they attend college. But that's just my $.02.

[gee_ess]

slight swerve,

MY NPC group no longer allows us to have Pledge Mom/Pledge Daughters (I was initiated in the early 80's) so the 'baby' phenomenon must be killing them!

To the OP -
You will need to bring up your concerns regarding the pnm through your regular MS channels. Voting and selection processes allow for dissension. Prior to recruitment, you could ask the member who love, love loves this pnm about recruitment last year and maybe she can shed some light on the situation, confidentially. However if the enamored member is your age and was not involved in rush last year, then you might need to look for that info elsewhere.

Tread carefully. You have not gone through rush on the 'inside'. It can be just as emotional and stressful as regular recruitment. Respecting your sisters is a very important part of the process.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by DubaiSis

You've changed your story. In the OP, you said she was just average and now you're saying she has a dicey reputation. Slut is not average. Or druggy or whatever. If you are a sophomore yourself, you were not part of member selection and the discussion involved is not your business, even though you are a member now. Although it's not cool for your sister to be saying these things to a rushee, your choice is to either go to standards and narc on your sister, or keep your trap shut and use your voice and your vote however your MS works.
But what I'm feeling here is jealousy of this "just average" girl who is loved and adored by so many of your sisters. Maybe you felt like it was hard for you to get in your sorority and she's just skating right in. Of course, I could be completely off base here, but that was the first thing that popped into my mind.

Ditto. I smell a green eyed monster from post #1.

[allthatglitters]

Originally Posted by DubaiSis

You've changed your story. In the OP, you said she was just average and now you're saying she has a dicey reputation. Slut is not average. Or druggy or whatever. If you are a sophomore yourself, you were not part of member selection and the discussion involved is not your business, even though you are a member now. Although it's not cool for your sister to be saying these things to a rushee, your choice is to either go to standards and narc on your sister, or keep your trap shut and use your voice and your vote however your MS works.
But what I'm feeling here is jealousy of this "just average" girl who is loved and adored by so many of your sisters. Maybe you felt like it was hard for you to get in your sorority and she's just skating right in. Of course, I could be completely off base here, but that was the first thing that popped into my mind.

I think she's fine. Not in love with her, don't hate her at all and have never had a problem with her. I know shes rubbed some girls the wrong way and thats where the dicey reputation comes into play. I haven't seen her out and about, but suddenly stories are emerging from all over the place about behavior in all kinds of social settings. If there is a green eyed monster lurking about, its not me. Really, I think she's fine. No qualms here besides the fact that my sister would tell her in public and at parties that she's *definitely* getting her in and talking about all their plans once she was in the chapter and how exciting it would be.

Which is awkward since the girl in question was recently cut..

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by allthatglitters

I think she's fine. Not in love with her, don't hate her at all and have never had a problem with her. I know shes rubbed some girls the wrong way and thats where the dicey reputation comes into play. I haven't seen her out and about, but suddenly stories are emerging from all over the place about behavior in all kinds of social settings. If there is a green eyed monster lurking about, its not me. Really, I think she's fine. No qualms here besides the fact that my sister would tell her in public and at parties that she's *definitely* getting her in and talking about all their plans once she was in the chapter and how exciting it would be.

Which is awkward since the girl in question was recently cut..

Don't worry about it so much. These things tend to work themselves out.