Mutual Selection in Formal Recruitment: Not So Mutual? For PNMs and Parents.

[FleurGirl]

For whatever reason, this is the major point I think is lost on PNMs: at the end of the day, it doesn't matter how much you love a house; if they don't love you back, you aren't getting a bid. I understand that they don't want the PNMs to be terrified or feel totally out of control, but the reality is that the chapters are ultimately the ones really doing most of the decision making. Yes, the PNMs get to decide which bid they'll accept and certainly have a say in the process, but if a chapter doesn't want a particular PNM for whatever reason, that PNM isn't getting a bid there.

[dgdramadawg]

Originally Posted by FleurGirl

For whatever reason, this is the major point I think is lost on PNMs: at the end of the day, it doesn't matter how much you love a house; if they don't love you back, you aren't getting a bid. I understand that they don't want the PNMs to be terrified or feel totally out of control, but the reality is that the chapters are ultimately the ones really doing most of the decision making. Yes, the PNMs get to decide which bid they'll accept and certainly have a say in the process, but if a chapter doesn't want a particular PNM for whatever reason, that PNM isn't getting a bid there.

And to add onto this, something I always tell my rec girls:

If they don't want you, you don't want them. So if a house cuts you, don't waste your time crying over it.

You want a house that wants you. You deserve a house that wants you. Focus on the houses that invited you back, not the ones that released you.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by dgdramadawg

And to add onto this, something I always tell my rec girls:

If they don't want you, you don't want them. So if a house cuts you, don't waste your time crying over it.

You want a house that wants you. You deserve a house that wants you. Focus on the houses that invited you back, not the ones that released you.

Good advice, but I think it's important to let them know that "they may have wanted you, there was just someone else they wanted more."There's a world of difference between that and the sorority not wanting you AT ALL.

The thing is...I'd hate to encourage girls to think "those snobby bitches didn't like me so forget them!" but on the other hand, to be TOO positive could make a rushee think "I just have to try extra hard, and they will bid me next semester/year." It's a hard line to walk, and I don't know how people do it.

[dgdramadawg]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Good advice, but I think it's important to let them know that "they may have wanted you, there was just someone else they wanted more."There's a world of difference between that and the sorority not wanting you AT ALL.

The thing is...I'd hate to encourage girls to think "those snobby bitches didn't like me so forget them!" but on the other hand, to be TOO positive could make a rushee think "I just have to try extra hard, and they will bid me next semester/year." It's a hard line to walk, and I don't know how people do it.

I guess it's easier to think this in the early rounds of SEC recruitment. If a house cuts half of 1200 rushees after round one, and you were cut by them, that means you weren't even in their top 600. No one wants to be in a group where she didn't cut it for the top 600 (much less the smaller groups for rounds two, three, and prefs).

[mandyk01]

At my school we use Alumni Rho Gammas and I have done it for the past five years and I am rarely asked how it all works. It makes me think the PNMs don't really care...or at least the y don't know they should care about the MS process.

From a Panhellenic standpoint I am pretty honest and tell all the women that they have some say but the decision ultimately lies with the sorority (especially in low quote schools).

[FleurGirl]

Originally Posted by 33girl

The thing is...I'd hate to encourage girls to think "those snobby bitches didn't like me so forget them!" but on the other hand, to be TOO positive could make a rushee think "I just have to try extra hard, and they will bid me next semester/year." It's a hard line to walk, and I don't know how people do it.

That's where it's helpful to think in terms of "fit". It's a lot like trying on shoes. They can be the cutest, most amazing shoes you've ever seen in your life but if it hurts like hell to stand up in them and they're too sizes too big, it doesn't matter how wonderful they are. Some people won't fit into certain chapters, and that's fine. But are you going to cut off your big toe to wedge your foot into those special shoes? No. And a PNM shouldn't want to be a part of a chapter that doesn't fit her right. Encouraging PNMs to find a chapter that they can see themselves living with and growing with usually works a lot better than trying to squeeze into something all wrong just because it's supposedly "better".