Domestic Violence

[knight_shadow]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

There is more to it than just leaving.

Agreed

[DrPhil]

And what constitutes verbal abuse varies. Does everyone plan on leaving the moment they have their first heated argument where things get even remotely disrespectful? Or should people wait for a pattern of behavior? Or will many people explain it all away (i.e., "she's a good, Godfearing person who loves me, she's just acting like this because she's really stressed at work"). What will you (in general) do when the person who seemed so awesome sauce seemingly suddenly switches on you for whatever reason? Who knows and the outcome may surprise people about what they assumed about themselves. The strongest person can become "the opposite" in an instant.

[christiangirl]

Originally Posted by knight_shadow

Agreed

Originally Posted by amIblue?

What you said.

Originally Posted by Tulip86

WOW, seriously?

Word.

The Chessman (my ex-boyfriend for those who did not follow our D&R soap opera) and I had a conversation about this when we were dating. He did not understand why a woman being physically or sexually assaulted would not fight back--fear, threats, the presence of a weapon, etc. "are not excuses to sit there and take it" as he put it. He jokingly asked me "You're a strong woman--if a man came at you, why not just kick his ass?" I said, "Because he was was bigger than me. And when a 300lb man pins you to the floor, it's about more than just kicking his ass." He shut up. Then, we had an educational moment.

Originally Posted by DrPhil

Or should people wait for a pattern of behavior? Or will many people explain it all away (i.e., "she's a good, Godfearing person who loves me, she's just acting like this because she's really stressed at work").

I think you hit a big one with this. A lot of people think "abuse" was an ongoing, consistent pattern. My view on that did not change until a counselor told me that "abuse history" is still a history even if it only happened one time. So when a person is being harmed, I'm pretty sure on e of the factors playing into it is "I'm not 'being abused' it only happened once or twice." This message comes from several directions, including family and friends. Depending on how people are raised and how their worldview is shaped, a woman or man who stays in an abusive situation is weak and a fool and one who leaves after only one time is unforgiving and selfish. He or she will usually catch flack either way.