I'm gay, looking to join a southern fraternity... Help!

[DubaiSis]

There's another thread here, http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/sh...d.php?t=120694. It's a trainwreck, but you might be able to get a few nuggets out of it.

My perception is, as far back as the 80's when I was in college (a large Midwestern university so admittedly not exactly the same environment), there were a few to several gay men in a lot of the fraternities, although most were probably on the down low. A guy friend of mine laughingly said there were so many of them, him included, the fraternities should have been having exchanges with each other!

There are also a few threads about lesbians wanting to join traditionally straight sororities. You can probably gain some good advice from those as well.

If it were me, I'd probably feel obliged to out myself before pledging, but as in so many other issues mentioned on this board, you don't need to vomit out your life story in the first 5 minutes of a conversation. I think you can probably gauge the atmosphere of a fraternity by attending their events and have a decent idea of how they would handle the news before spilling the beans.

[Benzgirl]

Originally Posted by DubaiSis

My perception is, as far back as the 80's when I was in college (a large Midwestern university so admittedly not exactly the same environment), there were a few to several gay men in a lot of the fraternities, although most were probably on the down low. A guy friend of mine laughingly said there were so many of them, him included, the fraternities should have been having exchanges with each other!

Ditto here, but then we went to large midwestern universities. I do think there is still a bias in southern universities, not just for gays but for other races. When I look at pictures of the sororities and fraternities from my university vs. SEC schools I don't see the same diversity that I would see above the Mason Dixon line or in the west.

Now, that is not always the case. I have a very good friend that was president of his fraternity at a small college in the deep south and he not only is gay, but flamboyant.

[Xylochick216]

My Elon experience is from 2000-2004, but there were several gay men in fraternities when I was there. I'd meet the guys and see how you fit in with them.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by DubaiSis

There's another thread here, http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/sh...d.php?t=120694. It's a trainwreck, but you might be able to get a few nuggets out of it.

That isn't a trainwreck.

[Chratos]

Thanks everyone for your responses. I will take a look at that other thread.

I'm not exactly SET on a certain chapter, but I have done some research and have found a handful that interest me. But I guess I won't really know until I rush and meet everyone. And "diversity" in a fraternity isn't something I care about or pay much attention to; I just want to make some good friends and meet new people.

I've been to a lot of my friends' fraternities parties and fundraisers and community service projects and whatnot, and they all seem really nice (actually going to some fundraiser I was invited to with Lambda Chi on Tues). I just don't know if they'd treat me the same way if they knew I like dudes lol.

Anyways, again, thanks for your responses. I appreciate them.

[DGTess]

Originally Posted by Chratos

Thanks everyone for your responses. I will take a look at that other thread.

I'm not exactly SET on a certain chapter, but I have done some research and have found a handful that interest me. But I guess I won't really know until I rush and meet everyone. And "diversity" in a fraternity isn't something I care about or pay much attention to; I just want to make some good friends and meet new people.

I've been to a lot of my friends' fraternities parties and fundraisers and community service projects and whatnot, and they all seem really nice (actually going to some fundraiser I was invited to with Lambda Chi on Tues). I just don't know if they'd treat me the same way if they knew I like dudes lol.

Anyways, again, thanks for your responses. I appreciate them.

I'll ask you the same thing I ask women considering greek life. Would you really want to be part of a fraternity who didn't like you for who you are?

[amIblue?]

Originally Posted by Chratos

Thanks everyone for your responses. I will take a look at that other thread.

I'm not exactly SET on a certain chapter, but I have done some research and have found a handful that interest me. But I guess I won't really know until I rush and meet everyone. And "diversity" in a fraternity isn't something I care about or pay much attention to; I just want to make some good friends and meet new people.

I've been to a lot of my friends' fraternities parties and fundraisers and community service projects and whatnot, and they all seem really nice (actually going to some fundraiser I was invited to with Lambda Chi on Tues). I just don't know if they'd treat me the same way if they knew I like dudes lol.

Anyways, again, thanks for your responses. I appreciate them.

I think as in any large group, you're likely to find guys who are accepting and guys who aren't. I also think that some fraternities will be more likely to have a higher percentage of guys who are willing to be accepting than others.

When you say that you're not interested in "diversity," what does that mean? The more open minded a group is, the more likely your situation will be accepted.

Good luck to you.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by Benzgirl

Ditto here, but then we went to large midwestern universities. I do think there is still a bias in southern universities, not just for gays but for other races. When I look at pictures of the sororities and fraternities from my university vs. SEC schools I don't see the same diversity that I would see above the Mason Dixon line or in the west.

Duke, UNC and Elon are not going to be quite like SEC schools. (And LOL at Duke being a southern school.)

Seriously though, my hunch is that some chapters will be comfortable with it, others maybe not as much.

Originally Posted by DGTess

I'll ask you the same thing I ask women considering greek life. Would you really want to be part of a fraternity who didn't like you for who you are?

Absolutely.

[Ghostwriter]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

Duke, UNC and Elon are not going to be quite like SEC schools. (And LOL at Duke being a southern school.)

I had to laugh at the "Duke being a southern school". Some of us refer to Duke as UNC at New Jersey.

None of these schools have a large number of huge in size Fraternities in the tradition of the SEC schools. Elon is pretty big for the total size of the student population but there are not a lot of Fraternities to choose from either at Elon or Duke.

I venture to guess that all Fraternities have gay members at some time or even at all times. Mine did and there were some in my Fraternity who did not like it at all and stated publicly they would have voted out the gay pledge if they had known.

In many cases this is just not something that is advertised or even admitted to by many Fraternities. I would take caution in how I approached the subject as, when you get right down to it, it is no ones business but your own. Even though we like to believe we are the "enlightened", predjudices are evident in many, if not most, of the organizations.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by Ghostwriter

I had to laugh at the "Duke being a southern school". Some of us refer to Duke as UNC at New Jersey.

We always said The University of Southern New Jersey at Durham, which I almost put in my earlier post.

[smithsorority]

Originally Posted by Ghostwriter

In many cases this is just not something that is advertised or even admitted to by many Fraternities. I would take caution in how I approached the subject as, when you get right down to it, it is no ones business but your own. Even though we like to believe we are the "enlightened", predjudices are evident in many, if not most, of the organizations.

I have to agree with this. Coming from a huge SEC school, you have to realize that these organization have been around for a LONG time, and are usually looking for a specific person. I mean just look at totalfratmove.com, and almost everything you read is about "slampeices" and hooking up with girls without knowing them. I'm not saying to not rush (believe it or not, there are many closet gays in fraternitys), but I would not suggest mentioning your sexuality during rush. I know that many people say that you should find a fraternity that accepts you as you are, but just know that you will come across people who are prejudice and will cut you for it. Im not saying its fair, but its the way the greek system works. Greek system tends to work as a dictatorship, not a democracy...