Ordering high end on the first date. Is it rude or is it just me? - Page 7

Tulip86 · #91 10-29-2011, 09:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DrPhil

On another note, I am still amused when some servers hand the man the bill/tab. Just put the bill on the table and let the couples figure out the rest. I know it seems more "ritsy" at some establishments when the man is given the bill and the woman doesn't see the bill. We went to one such establishment and the server acted like I smacked her in the face when I put my hand out for the bill. Why does it matter to the server whether I'm paying the bill or was curious and just wanted to see the bill? If my man doesn't care (i.e. it wasn't a gift to me like a birthday dinner) then you should stop caring.

Working in quite a high-end restaurant, I always hand the bill to whoever asked for it. Handing the bill to the male just because it's assumed he's going to pay seems dated to me.

DrPhil · #92 10-29-2011, 09:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tulip86

Working in quite a high-end restaurant, I always hand the bill to whoever asked for it. Handing the bill to the male just because it's assumed he's going to pay seems dated to me.

Thank you!

In your experiences, is it often the man who asks for the bill?

Tulip86 · #93 10-29-2011, 09:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DrPhil

Thank you!

In your experiences, is it often the man who asks for the bill?

More than half of the time, but a lot of women ask for the bill too. I'd say 60/40.
But I work in The Netherlands and having lived both here and in the U.S., there's quite a different culture when it comes to dating and who pays what. I think it's more common for women to pay in The Netherlands than it is in the U.S. When on dates in the U.S. the guys I was with always insisted they pay, here they usually offer to pay, but also ask if you're comfortable with them paying.

ASTalumna06 · #94 10-29-2011, 12:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DrPhil

On another note, I am still amused when some servers hand the man the bill/tab. Just put the bill on the table and let the couples figure out the rest. I know it seems more "ritsy" at some establishments when the man is given the bill and the woman doesn't see the bill. We went to one such establishment and the server acted like I smacked her in the face when I put my hand out for the bill. Why does it matter to the server whether I'm paying the bill or was curious and just wanted to see the bill? If my man doesn't care (i.e. it wasn't a gift to me like a birthday dinner) then you should stop caring.

One time I was out with my cousin, his wife, and my boyfriend. We were at Smokey Bones, sitting at one of the high tables in the bar, so clearly it wasn't a formal dinner of any kind. When the bill came, I already had my card out to pay, and I said I'd cover it. My boyfriend and I would always go back and forth with paying, and it became a race to see who could pull out their card first. So I said to the server, as my bf searched for his card, "Don't mind him, I'm paying" and we were all laughing and having a good time with it, making fun of my bf because he couldn't find his card. However, after telling the server, "We're all set" and handing him my card, he said, "No, I'm letting him pay" and he waited until my bf found his card and took his. SERIOUSLY?! I was pissed off at him, and in turn, my bf for actually giving him the card because the server was such a dick (excuse my language).

I don't know where the server found that it was his place to determine who was paying, but I purposely had my bf tip very little because of it... which is something I never do, as you'll see if you read the Tipping thread located here on Greekchat

33girl · #95 10-29-2011, 01:01 PM

I would have gone beyond not tipping, and found the shift supervisor or restaurant manager and complained. That's beyond offensive and bad customer service.

33girl · #96 10-29-2011, 01:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DrPhil

On another note, I am still amused when some servers hand the man the bill/tab. Just put the bill on the table and let the couples figure out the rest. I know it seems more "ritsy" at some establishments when the man is given the bill and the woman doesn't see the bill. We went to one such establishment and the server acted like I smacked her in the face when I put my hand out for the bill. Why does it matter to the server whether I'm paying the bill or was curious and just wanted to see the bill? If my man doesn't care (i.e. it wasn't a gift to me like a birthday dinner) then you should stop caring.

Either they think you don't have the money for a good tip, or else they're thinking "holy crap I offended them" and are afraid you'll screw them on tip because of it.

ASTalumna06 · #97 10-29-2011, 01:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 33girl

I would have gone beyond not tipping, and found the shift supervisor or restaurant manager and complained. That's beyond offensive and bad customer service.

It really was. I tried "arguing" with him in a nice way and insisted that I pay, at which point he took my bf's card and walked off. I was so pissed, but the reason I didn't make a bigger deal about it, besides complaining to the people I was with and tipping very little, is because I was visiting my cousin in RI, so I know I might never go back there, and it was a restaurant that him and his wife frequent (they've become acquainted with the bartenders and some of the wait staff), so I didn't want to make anything awkward for them.

Otherwise, I would have done exactly what you suggested.

DrPhil · #98 10-29-2011, 01:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 33girl

I would have gone beyond not tipping, and found the shift supervisor or restaurant manager and complained. That's beyond offensive and bad customer service.

Ditto.

I probably would have said "no, I am paying" and made the server take my card. Who the hell did he think he was?

DrPhil · #99 10-29-2011, 01:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ASTalumna06

It really was. I tried "arguing" with him in a nice way and insisted that I pay, at which point he took my bf's card and walked off.

Oh hellllllllll no...what the hell?

Quote:

Originally Posted by ASTalumna06

I was so pissed, but the reason I didn't make a bigger deal about it, besides complaining to the people I was with and tipping very little, is because I was visiting my cousin in RI, so I know I might never go back there, and it was a restaurant that him and his wife frequent (they've become acquainted with the bartenders and some of the wait staff), so I didn't want to make anything awkward for them.

Otherwise, I would have done exactly what you suggested.

On that note, I agree.

33girl · #**100** 10-29-2011, 01:15 PM

Understandable. But I would make sure that your cousin and his wife know how you were treated at the restaurant.

ASTalumna06 · #**101** 10-29-2011, 01:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 33girl

Understandable. But I would make sure that your cousin and his wife know how you were treated at the restaurant.

Oh, they definitely know. My cousins' wife was obviously just as pissed as I was. She said that if they were to get him as a server again, she'd request a different one

But they usually sit at the bar, so it shouldn't be a problem

knight_shadow · #**102** 10-29-2011, 01:36 PM

I've never had a server sit there and wait for a card when I was done eating. It's always "pay whenever you're ready."

This guy sounds like a dick.

ASTalumna06 · #**103** 10-29-2011, 01:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by knight_shadow

I've never had a server sit there and wait for a card when I was done eating. It's always "pay whenever you're ready."

This guy sounds like a dick.

Well I basically had mine out ready to go when he came with the bill, and then my bf said, "no, I'll pay" and searched for his card, and we were all talking and laughing with him, which is why he hung around and waited for my bf's card.

If I was the server in that instance, I'd jokingly say, "I'll give you a few minutes to decide," and walk away

I learned from working in that position, that even if my bf and I were in an all out fight about who was paying, instead of laughing and joking around, you walk away and don't get in the middle of whatever is going on between the customers.

And you NEVER make the decision about who is paying

honeychile · #**104** 10-29-2011, 01:43 PM

Has anyone ever gone to a restaurant where they hand a menu with the prices to the man and one without the prices to the woman? I only went to one of those one time, and I found it more than a little offensive.

ASTalumna06 · #**105** 10-29-2011, 01:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by honeychile

Has anyone ever gone to a restaurant where they hand a menu with the prices to the man and one without the prices to the woman? I only went to one of those one time, and I found it more than a little offensive.

If this ever happened to me, I'd be the idiot who said, "What, they don't show you the prices of ANYTHING here?!"

I keep it classy.