Joint account or separate account

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by CutiePie2000

^^^^^
This. Sister #2 went through a nasty divorce and I come from the "Cover Your A$$ School of Philoshophy".

I know I'm going to sound all fuddy-duddy bemoaning the downfall of today's society, but I can't help but think that issues like this make divorce more common. Not just the actual financial issues, but the fact that we have trained ourselves to CYA in regards to marriage. We go in with contingency plans and ready to bail if we feel it necessary. We make it easy because then if things don't work out, we can shrug our shoulders and move on. What would happen if people once again treated marriage of less of an experiment and more of a serious commitment? I feel that if you're seriously ready to make that kind of commitment to someone, you should be ready to tie yourselves irrevocably to that person. And this is coming from someone who many people would feel has had plenty of legitimate "excuses" to throw in the towel and not look back.

/soapbox sermon

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

I know I'm going to sound all fuddy-duddy bemoaning the downfall of today's society, but I can't help but think that issues like this make divorce more common. Not just the actual financial issues, but the fact that we have trained ourselves to CYA in regards to marriage. We go in with contingency plans and ready to bail if we feel it necessary. We make it easy because then if things don't work out, we can shrug our shoulders and move on. What would happen if people once again treated marriage of less of an experiment and more of a serious commitment? I feel that if you're seriously ready to make that kind of commitment to someone, you should be ready to tie yourselves irrevocably to that person. And this is coming from someone who many people would feel has had plenty of legitimate "excuses" to throw in the towel and not look back.

/soapbox sermon

That is one aspect of it, in addition to the "trial marriages" that people are doing now to see how long their marriages last. However, since life is more complex than the A + B = C explanation for things:

Being financially prepared in the event of marital failure is nothing new. For generations, women who were able to do so were encouraged to be financially prepared for whatever life brings. Back in the day that often meant keeping money in the cookie jar or in your bra. There were cultural, social class, and racial and ethnic implications for this because many communities were accustomed to men being unavailable either due to employment or "spread your seeds and multiply mentality."

I hope more women do not revert back to the days where patriarchal rules told women to put their everything into their spouses and children. If that's what some women want for their lives, FINE. But that isn't hardly "the rule" and it definitely isn't the recipe for a happy life and a successful marriage. Some people have a happy life and a successful marriage that way; and some people have a happy life and a successful marriage the other way. It is also important to note that encouraging women, in particular, to not have a safety net is correlated with domestic violence, depression and suicide, and prescription and illicit drug use for women who felt trapped in unions and marriages.

So, yeah, cover your ass women. Men have covered their ass across societies for generations. Children need people to give them permission and resources for everysinglething they say and do. Adults do not. And that includes stay-at-home husbands and wives who eventually aspire toward finding their own identity (and resources) outside of their spouses and children.

[agzg]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

I hope more women do not revert back to the days where patriarchal rules told women to put their everything into their spouses and children. If that's what some women want for their lives, FINE. But that isn't hardly "the rule" and it definitely isn't the recipe for a happy life and a successful marriage. Some people have a happy life and a successful marriage that way; and some people have a happy life and a successful marriage the other way. It is also important to note that encouraging women, in particular, to not have a safety net is correlated with domestic violence, depression and suicide, and prescription and illicit drug use for women who felt trapped in unions and marriages.

So, yeah, cover your ass women. Men have covered their ass across societies for generations. Children need people to give them permission and resources for everysinglething they say and do. Adults do not. And that includes stay-at-home husbands and wives who eventually aspire toward finding their own identity (and resources) outside of their spouses and children.

Stop it. You're taking all my feelings and writing them better than me. Stop doing that.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by agzg

Stop it. You're taking all my feelings and writing them better than me. Stop doing that.

I have always been a quick typer. My apologies.

You also caught me mid-edit.

[agzg]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

I have always been a quick typer. My apologies.

You also caught me mid-edit.

Fixed.

[TonyB06]

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

I know I'm going to sound all fuddy-duddy bemoaning the downfall of today's society, but I can't help but think that issues like this make divorce more common. Not just the actual financial issues, but the fact that we have trained ourselves to CYA in regards to marriage. We go in with contingency plans and ready to bail if we feel it necessary. We make it easy because then if things don't work out, we can shrug our shoulders and move on. What would happen if people once again treated marriage of less of an experiment and more of a serious commitment? I feel that if you're seriously ready to make that kind of commitment to someone, you should be ready to tie yourselves irrevocably to that person. And this is coming from someone who many people would feel has had plenty of legitimate "excuses" to throw in the towel and not look back.

/soapbox sermon

I agree w/ the sentiment behind your post. Married couples tend to argue about the trees rather than the larger philosophical forest. Rather than the money, it's usually differing (more than likely previously undiscussed) philosophies on need vs. want spending.

Of course the thread's answer is basically whatever works for the couple, but I've never been in favor of "mine vs. hers." Joint account, then individual needs are met, according to the couple's agreed upon limits about how much you're trying to save.

As to separate "rainy day" funds, let's complete the circle. I've heard lots of women say their grandmothers told them to keep one and keep konwledge of it private. Cool, but then could you, or grandma say a word if you found out hubby was doing the same thing? IMO, it's just another breeding ground for distrust. If I can't trust you, then I don't need to be married to you.

What, we can share our bodies and all that entails, but my dough gotta be separate?

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by TonyB06

What, we can share our bodies and all that entails, but my dough gotta be separate?

lol