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IrishLake: I'd encourage you to stick with being in the wedding. Your brother would not have invited four members of your nuclear family to be in the wedding if it didn't mean a lot to him. His intended may not be your favorite but I'd say try to keep in mind your brother and your future nieces and nephews and be there for them.
Not that the wedding isn't adding considerable stress to a stressful time for you. I'd say see if you can work the problems of being in the wedding one at a time, rather than bundling them all together. For instance, the dress. I would wager that the bridal shop is quite accustomed to dealing with ladies that are expecting :-). See if you can cut a deal with them for deferred fitting and payment, or perhaps they have something standard they do when the size isn't completely predicatable. Remember they want your business and they should be prepared to earn it. As for the torture of kids at the reception, go with your gut and don't bring them to the reception. Traditionally at times like this the older cousins look after the younger cousins, and it sounds like a much better deal all around if your kids hang with their peers instead of the adults. There are probably some 14-to-18-year old cousins that are also going to be bored out of the minds at the reception and they may welcome the chance to babysit instead. If the wedding is in a warm-weather location, the hotel pool will be open and that can occupy cousins for a long time.
Good luck and also best wishes on the baby!
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