In-law venting thread

[AnotherKD]

Originally Posted by BetteDavisEyes

Wow. There are no words. What did you respond with? Did you correct her?

I shook the woman's hand and said "Hi, I'm ____'s wife." I don't care. My MIL and I do not get along, and I think I know most of the reason. Her other DIL literally lives a few miles from her, while we are a few hours from her. She likes having a DIL who is a stay-at-home mom and can bring her grandchild over to her every day, and they have also known each other for almost 10 years. (That being said, she started dating her now-husband when she was almost 16 and he was in his 20s, but whatever, I can say it's weird but there are SO MANY weird things about that side of the family that it's not funny.) She constantly refers to me as the "Big City Girl" or "Princess", simply because I don't necessarily share her ideal of having a simple life in the middle of nowhere, unlike her other DIL. It has gotten to the point where she flamed me in front of half of her town because I dared to wear a black dress and heels (gasp!) to a funeral there recently, when everyone else showed up in jean shorts up their ass, flip flops, and tank tops. I wasn't aware that dressing appropriately made me a princess, but there you go.

Maybe if I'm ever lucky enough to "give" her a grandchild (as she says), she would treat me a bit better. Until then, I try to ignore her. At least we don't live so close that we see each other all the time.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by AnotherKD

I shook the woman's hand and said "Hi, I'm ____'s wife." I don't care. My MIL and I do not get along, and I think I know most of the reason. Her other DIL literally lives a few miles from her, while we are a few hours from her. She likes having a DIL who is a stay-at-home mom and can bring her grandchild over to her every day, and they have also known each other for almost 10 years. (That being said, she started dating her now-husband when she was almost 16 and he was in his 20s, but whatever, I can say it's weird but there are SO MANY weird things about that side of the family that it's not funny.) She constantly refers to me as the "Big City Girl" or "Princess", simply because I don't necessarily share her ideal of having a simple life in the middle of nowhere, unlike her other DIL. It has gotten to the point where she flamed me in front of half of her town because I dared to wear a black dress and heels (gasp!) to a funeral there recently, when everyone else showed up in jean shorts up their ass, flip flops, and tank tops. I wasn't aware that dressing appropriately made me a princess, but there you go.

Maybe if I'm ever lucky enough to "give" her a grandchild (as she says), she would treat me a bit better. Until then, I try to ignore her. At least we don't live so close that we see each other all the time.

You just showed respect for the deceased by dressing appropriately. Seriously jean shorts and flip flops?

[AnotherKD]

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

You just showed respect for the deceased by dressing appropriately. Seriously jean shorts and flip flops?

Not just jean shorts- jean shorts with bits of butt hanging out! And I am not even exaggerating! Well, I only saw 2 people with butt hanging out. But LOTS of jean shorts and cargo shorts. It's just these little things that add up over each and every time I see her. Granted, they never offered my husband money to not marry me, but I sometimes wonder if they wish they would have in hindsight.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by AnotherKD

Not just jean shorts- jean shorts with bits of butt hanging out! And I am not even exaggerating! Well, I only saw 2 people with butt hanging out. But LOTS of jean shorts and cargo shorts. It's just these little things that add up over each and every time I see her. Granted, they never offered my husband money to not marry me, but I sometimes wonder if they wish they would have in hindsight.

I'm always thankful when I hear these stories that my husband doesn't like to associate with his family. As sad as that is, it's his family's fault for being shady and crazy. In the end, it isn't me against his family. Unfortunately, so many men leave it to their wives to fight this battle when it really should be the man who sets down the ground rules to his family as to how they should treat his wife. It would take one conversation to stop all this horrendous behaviour. Stop treating my wife badly or you will have no relationship with me. Period. The same goes for women who let their families treat their husbands poorly.

[aephi alum]

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

It would take one conversation to stop all this horrendous behaviour. Stop treating my wife badly or you will have no relationship with me. Period. The same goes for women who let their families treat their husbands poorly.

aephi alum likes this. (Dang it - GC needs a Facebook-style "like" button.)

That was exactly what my husband said to his mother when she told him to divorce me. And he followed up on it. He gave her the silent treatment for most of the summer. He ignored her emails. He let her calls go to voicemail and then didn't return them. If she'd tried snail mail, we would have written "return to sender" on the letter and sent it back unopened. If she'd tried showing up on our doorstep, we would be "not home" (we have plenty of practice with that as we have an infestation of Jehovah's Witnesses here).

We have re-established a relationship with them, but we are keeping them very much at arm's length.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by aephi alum

aephi alum likes this. (Dang it - GC needs a Facebook-style "like" button.)

That was exactly what my husband said to his mother when she told him to divorce me. And he followed up on it. He gave her the silent treatment for most of the summer. He ignored her emails. He let her calls go to voicemail and then didn't return them. If she'd tried snail mail, we would have written "return to sender" on the letter and sent it back unopened. If she'd tried showing up on our doorstep, we would be "not home" (we have plenty of practice with that as we have an infestation of Jehovah's Witnesses here).

We have re-established a relationship with them, but we are keeping them very much at arm's length.

I tell my own mother this when she complains about my brother in law. I ask her if she wants to have a relationship with her grandchildren. Some people just have to control everything. My sister just isn't confrontational enough to tell my family off, though I do it for her anytime I'm around.

P.S. Good for your husband. His mother deserved it after that remark!

[SWTXBelle]

My mil died before we married - I did get to meet her, and in fact my husband's last words to her were "I'm going to marry Belle if she will have me". I'm very sad that she didn't get to see her grandsons - the one thing she really wanted was grandchildren. So I don't have evil mil stories.

HOWEVER - I can vent about my bil. 13 years older than my husband and a "confirmed bachelor",he really could not care any less about his nephews. He refuses to put our number under ICE on his phone, make a will, or do anything to enable us to possibly take care of him (he lives in Chicago - we are in Texas). He said he wanted to be buried by his parents - the two plots were left to my husband. We told him we'd be willing to sell him a plot if we could have enough money to buy another in the same cemetery.He refused, saying "Mom and Dad wanted me to be buried by them." Well, then it's a shame they didn't leave a plot to you. I'm figuring we'll have him cremated, and bury him with my husband.

When we had our great place in TN he was happy to come and play lord of the manor - now that we are in reduced circumstances he's not interested. It's very sad - we are his only relatives, and the boys are his only descendants - but he's more interested in researching his ancestors than building a relationship with his nephews. It's saddest for him.