First signs of a bad first date

[Drolefille]

@dekeguy, one of my boyfriends is of the more traditional bent as well when it comes to dating. He's also older and I wonder if that has something to do with it. (Not knowing how old you are ) Now, that said, we've gone on less formal dates, but he has a very formal mindset about some things.

However things that would turn me off would include even being offered to order for me. Having the capacity to speak for myself, I'm quite comfortable doing so. The only reason I'd want someone else to order for me would be because I don't speak the language. And I know drinking is part of most people's social lives, but drinks and wine wouldn't do anything for me. But then, you're not trying to date me

Just sharing my thoughts.

[dekeguy]

Originally Posted by Drolefille

@dekeguy, one of my boyfriends is of the more traditional bent as well when it comes to dating. He's also older and I wonder if that has something to do with it. (Not knowing how old you are )
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Mid-30s. I joined FB in 2002 when I was in Law School.
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Now, that said, we've gone on less formal dates, but he has a very formal mindset about some things.
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I was talking about first dates. Not more laid back pizza and a flic, or picnic with friends, or something informal.
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However things that would turn me off would include even being offered to order for me. Having the capacity to speak for myself, I'm quite comfortable doing so. The only reason I'd want someone else to order for me would be because I don't speak the language.
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And normally I'd agree with you, but again this is a formal meal and I have found that while it is death to assume it is often received as 'courtly' if one asks, particularly if she is not familiar with the restaurant and one is a regular who knows its strengths and weaknesses. At Antoine's -possibly appropriate, at Ruth Chris's Steak House -inappropriate. Both delicious but totally different vibe.
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And I know drinking is part of most people's social lives, but drinks and wine wouldn't do anything for me.
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Actually, I'm a very moderate drinker myself, but I think a good wine carefully paired with a good meal enhances the experience. There is a great deal of difference between a glass of champagne while waiting for your table followed by a glass or two of wine that compliments the food and the other extreme of getting hog wimpering paddled.
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But then, you're not trying to date me
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I suppose that would depend on whether you were interested, whether you were interesting (which I suspect), and whether you found the activities I described in my earlier post to your liking or that your's were better still.
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Just sharing my thoughts.

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Wow, what a coincidence!

Peter

[AGDee]

Originally Posted by Drolefille

@dekeguy, one of my boyfriends is of the more traditional bent as well when it comes to dating. He's also older and I wonder if that has something to do with it. (Not knowing how old you are ) Now, that said, we've gone on less formal dates, but he has a very formal mindset about some things.

However things that would turn me off would include even being offered to order for me. Having the capacity to speak for myself, I'm quite comfortable doing so. The only reason I'd want someone else to order for me would be because I don't speak the language. And I know drinking is part of most people's social lives, but drinks and wine wouldn't do anything for me. But then, you're not trying to date me

Just sharing my thoughts.

I'd take a dekeguy kind of date in a heart beat, but I'm old.

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by dekeguy

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Wow, what a coincidence!

Peter

*chuckles* well then

The more formal/courtly boyfriend is actually older than you. But still I'd have kind of an issue with the whole ordering for me thing. And while I fully agree that wine/champagne appropriately paired is fundamentally different than getting sloshed, as a 'dislikes the taste of alcohol' person, it wouldn't work so much.

None of that is a dealbreaker so much though. And such a formal date CAN be completely appealing. I go about dating very much differently than others though, in that I would know the person very well before that first date - even just online, I typically talk/bond a lot before meeting. The times I have not done that have ended poorly, the times I have have resulted in relationships.

All of that said, my *ahem* dance card is a bit full at the moment in that I don't think I could see adding particularly another long distance relationship, but you know, you have my PM box *eyebrow waggle*

Originally Posted by AGDee

I'd take a dekeguy kind of date in a heart beat, but I'm old.

I want to make it clear I wouldn't reject the date in and of itself, but would just adjust a few things for an 'ideal' date. I got one of those kind of dates, including a walk afterwards that could be considered a 'constitutional' and was awesome.

[dekeguy]

Originally Posted by Drolefille

*chuckles* well then

The more formal/courtly boyfriend is actually older than you. But still I'd have kind of an issue with the whole ordering for me thing. And while I fully agree that wine/champagne appropriately paired is fundamentally different than getting sloshed, as a 'dislikes the taste of alcohol' person, it wouldn't work so much.
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Well, there are rather a lot of alternatives to alcohol. One of my favorites is Pellegrino fizzy mineral water with a twist. From my corner, I don't drink wine for the taste of alcohol but for the complexity of taste of the specific wine complimenting the food. If I don't see what I think would do well I very often go with something soft. As to cocktails, there are always the old standbyes such as OJ and tonic, Ginger ale and cranberry juice, etc. Being old fashioned I suppose my priority is to see that my date enjoyes herself, not getting her out of her comfort zone on a first date!
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None of that is a dealbreaker so much though. And such a formal date CAN be completely appealing. I go about dating very much differently than others though, in that I would know the person very well before that first date - even just online, I typically talk/bond a lot before meeting. The times I have not done that have ended poorly, the times I have have resulted in relationships.
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As I mentioned, blind dates are very rare in my case. I like to know the person a bit before I ask her out on a date, so I tend to agree with you there.
In my earlier posting I mentioned that the lady's eyes are a major thing with me. I'd like to lock eyeballs and see both her and my reactions.
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All of that said, my *ahem* dance card is a bit full at the moment in that I don't think I could see adding particularly another long distance relationship, but you know, you have my PM box *eyebrow waggle*
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Hmmm... *thoughtful smile*
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I want to make it clear I wouldn't reject the date in and of itself, but would just adjust a few things for an 'ideal' date. I got one of those kind of dates, including a walk afterwards that could be considered a 'constitutional' and was awesome.

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There is not, or at least ought not be, a one size fits all template for a first date. Assuming one knows the lady at least well enough to be interested in asking for a 'first date' it follows (at least to me) that unless one is a complete cretin one might do well to suggest and to ask.

Peter

[dekeguy]

Originally Posted by AGDee

I'd take a dekeguy kind of date in a heart beat, but I'm old.

Define old please. I'm in my mid thirties and by no means consider myself old. My Dad is sixty six and I think he will never get 'old'. I suppose it is one's outlook on life.
Is a 'dekeguy kind of date' indicative of an 'old' approach? Maybe its because I spent and spend so much time in the UK that I come off in the way I do but I have been that way since I began dating. Just curious.

[KSig RC]

Originally Posted by dekeguy

Define old please. I'm in my mid thirties and by no means consider myself old. My Dad is sixty six and I think he will never get 'old'. I suppose it is one's outlook on life.
Is a 'dekeguy kind of date' indicative of an 'old' approach? Maybe its because I spent and spend so much time in the UK that I come off in the way I do but I have been that way since I began dating. Just curious.

Humblebrag?

[dekeguy]

Originally Posted by KSig RC

Humblebrag?

HUMBLE?????? Arrogant perhaps, but humble?

[AGDee]

Originally Posted by dekeguy

Define old please. I'm in my mid thirties and by no means consider myself old. My Dad is sixty six and I think he will never get 'old'. I suppose it is one's outlook on life.
Is a 'dekeguy kind of date' indicative of an 'old' approach? Maybe its because I spent and spend so much time in the UK that I come off in the way I do but I have been that way since I began dating. Just curious.

I'm in my mid-40s and in a very different life phase than you, that's why I am "old" in comparison to you.

A "dekeguy kind of date" is a gentlemanly approach, in my view.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by AGDee

I'm in my mid-40s and in a very different life phase than you, that's why I am "old" in comparison to you.

Awwww, look at you young bucks.

I haven't read much of this thread but I just want to say that there are different levels of "bad." Also, there are longlasting and wonderful relationships bred from "bad" first dates or "bad" first interactions (for those of us who met and interacted with our significant others before the first actual date).

[TonyB06]

Originally Posted by AGDee

I'm in my mid-40s and in a very different life phase than you, that's why I am "old" in comparison to you.

MID-40s, Represent up in this piece!! I don't co-sign the "old" part but understand the life phase thing. I call it perspective.

[dekeguy]

Originally Posted by AGDee

I'm in my mid-40s and in a very different life phase than you, that's why I am "old" in comparison to you.

A "dekeguy kind of date" is a gentlemanly approach, in my view.

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I suppose it depends on 'life experiences to date' to determine what life phase one happens to be in. Some are old and wise at 25 and some are still a bit wet behind the ears at 50.
I have had people tell me that I think like an old lawyer and act like an Edwardian. Others have said that I have the optimism of a boy and the cynicism of one who has lived too long and seen too much.
I do thank you for your comment 'a gentlemanly approach'. Its the approach I find most comfortable and provides the best opportunity to get to know the one with whom I am sharing the date.