Are you a PNM wondering what you can do to "improve your chances" at recruitment?

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by AXOrushadvisor

...with a man helping a women on with her coat, a gentleman opening up the car door and pulling out a ladies chair.

No, those unnecessary things are not just about manners.

If you think they are, that highlights how manners and necessity in this sense are subjective. Some people think "thank you" cards are manners and, therefore, much needed and others think the "thank you" is implied (or stated) in even being asked to do the favor in the first place.

I think the larger debate in this thread is whether thank you cards have an impact on a PNM's chances. I can't speak on that as far as NPC but I can say that the lack of any type of thank you, or a Soror's belief that an aspirant is ungrateful in general, can impact the aspirant's chances if the Soror cares enough to talk to the Sorors who are in charge of membership intake. That does happen but it isn't rampant.

<===lane swerve from someone who tends to both write and receive "thank you" cards, emails, or some type of interaction that shows appreciation

[honeychile]

Originally Posted by Drolefille

Oh come on. That is a ridiculous stretch.

I am genuinely sorry that you feel that way.

[shirley1929]

Originally Posted by honeychile

I am genuinely sorry that you feel that way.

Me too.

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by honeychile

I am genuinely sorry that you feel that way.

It is flat out ridiculous to connect thank you notes with being a "better" person and then some how associating it with the success of one's recruitment.

You may believe it makes them a more polite person, shows good manners or what have you, but you're reaching really really far to claim 'better' person or that inherently they're more interesting as a PNM and have better chances at recruitment.

Unless you somehow have information on the respective results of PNMs who write thank you notes and those who don't instead of just wishful thinking.

I'm not arguing that it's not generally polite to send a thank you note, but it has jack to do with a PNM's recruitment and pretending otherwise is the only problem people have with the thread.

/and save your pity.

[AnchorAlumna]

A catfight over thank-you notes?
You people are really bored!

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by AnchorAlumna

A catfight over thank-you notes?
You people are really bored!

Ah, but thank you for taking time out of your busy busy day to comment on it! I'm so glad you have more entertaining things to do with your time.

[VandalSquirrel]

The majority of women I write recs for are first generation Greek and/or first generation college students. I work very hard to give those women the advantages other women were born with or have never had to think about and try to even the playing field. I would never do anything to hurt these women in recruitment or hold anything against them for not receiving a thank you note. Not that all manners and etiquette expectations and experience are based on social class, but since a lot are it would be quite unmannerly and poor etiquette to take it out on these women without helping and educating them about the adult world they are entering.

I would also be thrilled if I never had to see another post on GC about manners and/or etiquette where it is implied the South has some monopoly, higher expectations, or exceeds any other region of the USA. I know those of you from the South aren't directly or intentionally insulting everyone else in the country, but in the end reading it over and over again is tiresome and insulting to me.

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by VandalSquirrel

The majority of women I write recs for are first generation Greek and/or first generation college students. I work very hard to give those women the advantages other women were born with or have never had to think about and try to even the playing field. I would never do anything to hurt these women in recruitment or hold anything against them for not receiving a thank you note. Not that all manners and etiquette expectations and experience are based on social class, but since a lot are it would be quite unmannerly and poor etiquette to take it out on these women without helping and educating them about the adult world they are entering.

I would also be thrilled if I never had to see another post on GC about manners and/or etiquette where it is implied the South has some monopoly, higher expectations, or exceeds any other region of the USA. I know those of you from the South aren't directly or intentionally insulting everyone else in the country, but in the end reading it over and over again is tiresome and insulting to me.

Yes, yes, a million times yes. Although my upbringing was filled with a lot of etiquette lessons--formal and unformal--the sorority rec thank you was something I was completely unaware of. I submitted my bio and photos to the local Panhel but I had no idea what they were going to do with them. It wasn't until later that I learned that they had written recs. I didn't grow up with an NPC family, nor did I have a ton of friends who'd give me the deets. I sent plenty of thank-you notes and cards to teachers who wrote recs, and I sent thank-you notes to my teachers after the AP/IB exam results came in, but I still have NO IDEA who wrote my recs for Alpha Chi and Theta. Clearly that didn't impact anything, as I got recs to both groups. I did get a good number of thank-you notes as an alum because I called the women before I wrote their recs.

There is entirely too much Southern chauvinism on GC when it comes to matters of etiquette--this comes from someone who grew up in the South--but I have to say it's gotten way better than it was about 5 years ago!

[FSUZeta]

well then, maybe the pnm (no matter where she resides) should err on the side of caution and send a thank-you note, whether she thinks it is necessary or not. I have never heard of anyone who complained about receiving a thank you note, but as we have seen here, several women would have appreciated receiving one.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by FSUZeta

well then, maybe the pnm (no matter where she resides) should err on the side of caution and send a thank-you note, whether she thinks it is necessary or not. I have never heard of anyone who complained about receiving a thank you note, but as we have seen here, several women would have appreciated receiving one.

I was going to say - maybe the girls don't send thank you notes because they don't know if the women wrote the rec and have no way to find out? I mean isn't that kind of like sending a thank-you note before someone even sends you a present, just assuming they will do so? I would feel quite silly if I wrote a TY note to someone thanking them for the birthday present and never got anything.

Or should they put a TY note in with the packet when they send it to the alumna? That sounds like it would make more sense.

And again, thank you notes are NOT a Southern thing, they're a good etiquette thing, period.

[katydidKD]

Originally Posted by AnchorAlumna

A catfight over thank-you notes?
You people are really bored!

Pretty much everything on here is worth being bitchy about to some posters.

[ComradesTrue]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Or should they put a TY note in with the packet when they send it to the alumna? That sounds like it would make more sense.
.

This.

That is what was recommended that I do when I went through the process, and what I have suggested to PNMs through the years as I have been helping them with recs. If it is just me that they are sending a packet to, then obviously I would never tell them to inlcude the note. In that case they know me, and would know how to send the note a little later.

But, if they are sending the packets through an alumnae panhellenic, if I have offered to have a friend do a rec for a group that they have been unable to secure, or if I am giving them general pointers for what goes in the packets for recs they are securing on their own, then absolutely I tell them to include the Thank You note in the packet. It can be as generic as to "thank you for taking the time to write the rec for me. I recognize that your summer is busy, and appreciate that you would offer to help. l look forward to attending ABC university and can't wait to participate in recruitment."

Easy Peasy.

And, as someone who has lived my entire life in the south, I have never considered Thank You notes to be unique to this part of the country.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by AnchorAlumna

A catfight over thank-you notes?
You people are really bored!

Originally Posted by katydidKD

Pretty much everything on here is worth being bitchy about to some posters.

And there is certainly nothing catty or bitchy about these two posts.

Originally Posted by 33girl

And again, thank you notes are NOT a Southern thing, they're a good etiquette thing, period.

Originally Posted by Blondie93

And, as someone who has lived my entire life in the south, I have never considered Thank You notes to be unique to this part of the country.

I agree. No matter what region I'm in, people are sending thank you cards or showing appreciation in some way (phone call, lunch, etc).

[GeekyPenguin]

Originally Posted by VandalSquirrel

I would also be thrilled if I never had to see another post on GC about manners and/or etiquette where it is implied the South has some monopoly, higher expectations, or exceeds any other region of the USA. I know those of you from the South aren't directly or intentionally insulting everyone else in the country, but in the end reading it over and over again is tiresome and insulting to me.

I was always taught it was bad manners to comment on other people's manners.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by GeekyPenguin

I was always taught it was bad manners to comment on other people's manners.

Isn't that a Catch-22?