Are you a PNM wondering what you can do to "improve your chances" at recruitment?

[VandalSquirrel]

The majority of women I write recs for are first generation Greek and/or first generation college students. I work very hard to give those women the advantages other women were born with or have never had to think about and try to even the playing field. I would never do anything to hurt these women in recruitment or hold anything against them for not receiving a thank you note. Not that all manners and etiquette expectations and experience are based on social class, but since a lot are it would be quite unmannerly and poor etiquette to take it out on these women without helping and educating them about the adult world they are entering.

I would also be thrilled if I never had to see another post on GC about manners and/or etiquette where it is implied the South has some monopoly, higher expectations, or exceeds any other region of the USA. I know those of you from the South aren't directly or intentionally insulting everyone else in the country, but in the end reading it over and over again is tiresome and insulting to me.

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by VandalSquirrel

The majority of women I write recs for are first generation Greek and/or first generation college students. I work very hard to give those women the advantages other women were born with or have never had to think about and try to even the playing field. I would never do anything to hurt these women in recruitment or hold anything against them for not receiving a thank you note. Not that all manners and etiquette expectations and experience are based on social class, but since a lot are it would be quite unmannerly and poor etiquette to take it out on these women without helping and educating them about the adult world they are entering.

I would also be thrilled if I never had to see another post on GC about manners and/or etiquette where it is implied the South has some monopoly, higher expectations, or exceeds any other region of the USA. I know those of you from the South aren't directly or intentionally insulting everyone else in the country, but in the end reading it over and over again is tiresome and insulting to me.

Yes, yes, a million times yes. Although my upbringing was filled with a lot of etiquette lessons--formal and unformal--the sorority rec thank you was something I was completely unaware of. I submitted my bio and photos to the local Panhel but I had no idea what they were going to do with them. It wasn't until later that I learned that they had written recs. I didn't grow up with an NPC family, nor did I have a ton of friends who'd give me the deets. I sent plenty of thank-you notes and cards to teachers who wrote recs, and I sent thank-you notes to my teachers after the AP/IB exam results came in, but I still have NO IDEA who wrote my recs for Alpha Chi and Theta. Clearly that didn't impact anything, as I got recs to both groups. I did get a good number of thank-you notes as an alum because I called the women before I wrote their recs.

There is entirely too much Southern chauvinism on GC when it comes to matters of etiquette--this comes from someone who grew up in the South--but I have to say it's gotten way better than it was about 5 years ago!

[GeekyPenguin]

Originally Posted by VandalSquirrel

I would also be thrilled if I never had to see another post on GC about manners and/or etiquette where it is implied the South has some monopoly, higher expectations, or exceeds any other region of the USA. I know those of you from the South aren't directly or intentionally insulting everyone else in the country, but in the end reading it over and over again is tiresome and insulting to me.

I was always taught it was bad manners to comment on other people's manners.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by GeekyPenguin

I was always taught it was bad manners to comment on other people's manners.

Isn't that a Catch-22?

[GeekyPenguin]

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

Isn't that a Catch-22?

Touche!

[crescent&pearls]

Okay, so maybe the thread title was not exactly what the OP wanted to convey, it wasn't intended that way. Worse crimes have been committed. Let's look at the positive. It did spark an important discussion and here's the thing- some PNM is going to see that title and wanting to know something about the mysterious world of recruitment seek information on how she can improve her chances.Hopefully all PNMs can get this: if you ask a friend to write you a recommendation for sorority recruitment, drop a thank you note. If you ask a stranger to write you a recommendation, make an extra effort to drop a thank you note promptly. It probably won't affect your chances one way or t'other but a cheerful thank you note is appreciated. Always.

One thing that got a little lost in the discussion was remembering that alumnae don't write recs just to help out PNMs. We do it in large part to help our own organizations. When a PNM or her mom or her friend ask you to write a rec, you get a great opportunity to share your sorority experience with that potential member. If you do a good job and leave a lasting positive impression that sorority women are friendly, positive, and selfless people who want women to join not just their specific GLO but all NPCs, you create that ripple effect of good will that spreads from that one PNM to her mom and her sister and her friends. It's a blessing. If the thank you note is a little tardy or maybe never even shows up, let it go. Somehow you did a good deed that will pay off...you'll just have to take it on faith.

[carnation]

^^^ Perfect!!!

[ASTalumna06]

As much as I hate doing it, I send thank you notes a lot. It doesn’t have to be anything over-the-top.. just a nice way of letting someone know that you appreciate something they’ve done for you.

Knowing little to nothing about recs, I still wouldn’t request that someone write one for me without sending a thank you. It seems weird to me to not include even a post-it note that said those two, short words. Just like I thanked every one of the teachers who wrote me letters of recommendation for college, I would thank any sorority member who wrote me a rec, as well.

Btw – I always send a thank you note/letter/email following a job interview. I only think it’s polite, and even if it doesn’t help my chances, it definitely can’t hurt. However, I actually had a job interviewer comment on the fact that I sent a thank you note. She said it was refreshing to know that the practice wasn’t completely lost on younger generations. I didn’t get THAT job, but for what it’s worth, I did get a phone call back from her 2 months later where she offered me another position, which I gladly accepted. Whether or not that thank you note made her think of me first, I don’t know. But again, I’m sure it didn’t work against me.

Originally Posted by VandalSquirrel

I would also be thrilled if I never had to see another post on GC about manners and/or etiquette where it is implied the South has some monopoly, higher expectations, or exceeds any other region of the USA. I know those of you from the South aren't directly or intentionally insulting everyone else in the country, but in the end reading it over and over again is tiresome and insulting to me.

Thank you! It was only a few posts/posters in before people started assuming that this is a “southern thing.” How anyone could deduce that from a few comments about the original post, I don’t know.

Originally Posted by 33girl

I was going to say - maybe the girls don't send thank you notes because they don't know if the women wrote the rec and have no way to find out? I mean isn't that kind of like sending a thank-you note before someone even sends you a present, just assuming they will do so? I would feel quite silly if I wrote a TY note to someone thanking them for the birthday present and never got anything.

You don’t have to specifically say, “Thank you for writing a rec…” You could keep things vague. Using Blondie93’s example ‘thank you,’ I have included one small change:

Originally Posted by Blondie93

"Thank you for taking the time to review this information. I recognize that your summer is busy, and appreciate that you would offer to help. l look forward to attending ABC university and can't wait to participate in recruitment."

Originally Posted by Blondie93

..or something like that.