Quote:
Originally Posted by nmarti36
Hey everyone,
I'm not a part of any greek organizations, but my on/off boyfriend of 5 years is and I've been trying really hard to adapt to this change and understand him. It has been very challenging so I figured the best way to go about this would be to talk to those who are in greek organizations.
My boyfriend was hazed as a part of his pledging process. As I understand it, the hazing was mostly in the form of violence or other physical torment. I did not appreciate this but tried to show my support. Since then, something about his demeanor has changed and I can't put my finger on it. I asked him if when the time comes he will condone and/or participate in hazing and he said that he would.
The guy I fell in love with has never been violent. I told him that I understand violence to be an act of hate. He tells me that he doesn't expect me to understand and that "it is what it is". How can I go about handling this and understanding him better? It really is tearing us apart.
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I'm not sure that I would define violence as an act of hate.
There are a lot of variables here that you may not understand and that he may not yet understand in himself, psychologically, sociologically, etc.
Although you haven't disclosed your race (and it really doesn't matter), you should read
Black Haze by Ricky Jones. It's a good first step to understanding the hows and whys of hazing, and it's my belief that there are similarities there among all organizations or chapters which haze.
Full disclosure: I wrote a novel called Lazarus which also deals with this topic. Although it is out of print,
used copies are available through Amazon.
While I can't tell you whether you should leave your man or not, I don't think staying or leaving are the only options.
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