Dating a guy who still lives at home. Advice

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by christiangirl

Or continue to live off of his parents, leading him to choose them over her. That's an option, too.

This is what I was thinking. Clearly, his parents (probably his mother, but maybe his father too) are happy as clams with the situation. He might pay rent, or he might help them out around the house running errands. Either way, it's a situation that neither party seems eager to see come to a close. If things do get serious between the two of you, would his parents feel entitled to give their opinions and butt in? Setting up those boundaries when you're getting married is too late.

I had a similar experience--my college ex lived with his parents after college (he's 2 years older than I am) and was pretty happy with the set-up. He didn't pay rent, but was expected to run errands and help out as needed (they didn't have a ton of money). He saved money, but it wasn't as if he was sitting on a major nest egg. When things became more serious between us and he moved, his father definitely felt the need to comment on every financial decision he or I made as a couple. Guess what? When we split up, he moved back to his parents' house. He's still there now!

Dee provided a good list of caveats. I'd include another one. I'm not sure if you live in a large city, but I have friends who expect to live at home until they get married. Part of it's cultural, and part of it's just that it's super expensive in NYC (not an excuse to me, but there you have it), and they'd like to have the money for a down payment when they get married.

On the other hand, parents of sons who are living at home tend to let their sons bring women over, whereas parents of daughters who are living at home basically still treat them like they're little girls.

This isn't a glaring red flag for me, but it's definitely a yellow flag. Proceed with caution--ask lots of questions about WHY he's still at home. Observe his relationship with his parents. Maybe he had a financial disaster that he's afraid of telling you about, which explains living at home?