Dating a guy who still lives at home. Advice

sanjiyan69 · #1 03-12-2011, 02:01 AM

Is he Asian?

Gretchen W · #2 03-12-2011, 02:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by victoriana

My main concern with that would be that he doesn't know how to be independent. If he's lived at home his whole life, he may not know how to break away from his parents and be his own man. The privacy thing would also be really annoying. I don't know if this applies to your man, but that was my first thought.

I don't know if it's "okay" that he's living at home... it depends on the situation. If he had problems paying for graduate or medical school, or got into some big debt, and moved home temporarily for financial reasons, that can be acceptable.

If you really like this guy, I would say try not to give him a hard time. He's probably trying to make the best of a bad situation. I know if I was living at home with my parents at 28, I wouldn't be too happy about it. Hopefully he will get so sick of the privacy issue that it will become a motivator for him to move out on his own. If not, hopefully he'll take your feelings into consideration. Make it sound like you really would support a decision to move out. Set out some of the benefits he could reap by doing so. If he's as frustrated as I suspect he might be, this could be the final straw to convince him. If he's content to stay where he is, don't push the issue because you could end up pushing him away. He could think that you're trying to force him into doing things he's not ready to do.

He's been out of school since he was 23, and yes he's got student loans to pay, but I do too, and I live on my own. It frustrates him when I don't want to come over because of his parents. He did have his own place for a few years but he moved back in with his parents because he wanted to save more money for a better place, and he wants to go to grad school eventually. Sometimes I think he puts its off a lot. That bothers me.

Quote:

Originally Posted by sanjiyan69

Is he Asian?

No, why?

33girl · #3 03-12-2011, 12:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gretchen W

It frustrates him when I don't want to come over because of his parents.

This is the WEIRDEST part to me. I mean, most guys in that situation do NOT want you to come over and hang with the parents...they want to get the hell out of the house, whether it's to your place, a friend's place, a car, a bar, whatever.

Either he's taking this relationship way more seriously than you are and wants his parents to see you as marriage material, or he's got other issues. I don't think it's financial AT ALL.

KSUViolet06 · #4 03-12-2011, 05:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 33girl

I don't think it's financial AT ALL.

This.

I can totally understand people living at home temporarily for financial reasons, but for some reason, I don't think this is his deal.

He may be one of those people who initially moved home to save money, but got comfortable with it and is delaying moving out.

I personally don't know how people do that. I love my mom/stepdad, and I had to live with them between undergrad and grad school, but by the end of that 7 months I seriously couldn't wait to get out.

Gretchen W · #5 03-13-2011, 02:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 33girl

This is the WEIRDEST part to me. I mean, most guys in that situation do NOT want you to come over and hang with the parents...they want to get the hell out of the house, whether it's to your place, a friend's place, a car, a bar, whatever.

Either he's taking this relationship way more seriously than you are and wants his parents to see you as marriage material, or he's got other issues. I don't think it's financial AT ALL.

That's a good point, but he's not like most guys or most guys I've dated. I'm not ready to be married as of yet and I don't think he is either. We're still trying to get to know each other. It really is a financial thing for him because we don't really go anywhere. We go some places just not very often. We either hang out at my place or his, and maybe a nice dinner on occasion. I don't mind that we don't really go anywhere, what bothers me is that he has a job that pays well enough for him to have his own place. He doesn't seem very motivated and that's what I don't like. When we're at his place, his parents aren't usually around because we spend most of the time in the tv room in their basement and they rarely come down there when I'm around. Just knowing the fact that they're in the same house doesn't feel like privacy to me.

I read all of the other comments, and I appreciate them. In the meantime, I'm going to keep my options open.

33girl · #6 03-13-2011, 12:49 PM

Even that (hanging in the house with the parents letting you alone) is weird. It would almost make more sense if he was trying to get you to get to know them, etc. At any rate, this is completely reminding me of Failure To Launch.

I've said it before and I'll say it again...I guess it's a generational difference, but I just cannot wrap my head around how comfortable some kids (I'm considering this guy a kid LOL) are today having their parents all up in every facet of their lives.

cheerfulgreek · #7 03-13-2011, 06:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gretchen W

That's a good point, but he's not like most guys or most guys I've dated. I'm not ready to be married as of yet and I don't think he is either. We're still trying to get to know each other. It really is a financial thing for him because we don't really go anywhere. We go some places just not very often. We either hang out at my place or his, and maybe a nice dinner on occasion. I don't mind that we don't really go anywhere, what bothers me is that he has a job that pays well enough for him to have his own place. He doesn't seem very motivated and that's what I don't like. When we're at his place, his parents aren't usually around because we spend most of the time in the tv room in their basement and they rarely come down there when I'm around. Just knowing the fact that they're in the same house doesn't feel like privacy to me.

I read all of the other comments, and I appreciate them. In the meantime, I'm going to keep my options open.

He seems like a major procrastinator. Like, one of those guys who says he going to do something tomorrow, and then the days turn into weeks, and the weeks into months and the months into years.....into not doing it at all. I mean, is he lazy? Sounds like it.

adpiucf · #8 03-13-2011, 10:23 PM

He sounds like a loser momma's boy. Drop him. Of course, you won't, even though you know you should (otherwise you wouldn't be asking all of us for our opinion). He's selfish and lazy. This isn't someone who has fallen on hard times and had to move home for a few months to get back on his feet. This is someone who has the means and the know-how to be an adult and simply takes the easy way out. He doesn't exactly sound like a prize.