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My ex-husband lived at home until we got married. He was an employed accountant working on his MBA part time. He had lived with friends for a couple months at one point, but moved right back home. He was not held responsible for anything financially except his car. The problems this ended up causing in our marriage are pretty much the problems that led to our divorce. Here's the list:
1. He was incredibly selfish because he'd been catered to for so long. He came home from work and dinner was ready. He got up in the morning, showered and breakfast was waiting for him.
2. He was resentful that we had to live on a budget because he was used to spending money on anything he wanted and still saving a ton of money. Once faced with a mortgage, utility bills, cable bills, diapers, formula and day care, he continued to spend money on whatever he wanted and then didn't understand why I was charging groceries and diapers because the debit card was rejected when I tried to pay with it. That credit card debt was, of course, my fault, because I was the one who charged stuff. Necessities. Gas to get to work, groceries, diapers, formula, clothes for the kids.. because he spent all the cash on lunches out every day, 3 golf leagues, a big screen TV we couldn't afford, etc. He didn't understand why we were always broke. When I did the bills, he never gave me the receipts for his lunches, etc. that he put on his debit card. This sometimes amounted to $700 a month. This was before online banking. I had no idea what he was spending or how much we had in the checkbook ever. I did mention that he was an accountant, right? When he took over paying the bills, we bounced checks all the time.
3. Although he agreed that household duties needed to be shared when both spouses were working, he had no idea how to do anything. He had never done his own laundry. He only knew how to cook fried eggs and toast. He called me at work to ask me how to turn the dryer on. He called me at work to ask me how to cook macaroni and cheese from the box. After about 5 years, he told me we needed a new toilet in his bathroom. I asked why. He said it was brown. I suggested he CLEAN IT. with bleach. He had no idea how to do anything. Our first child came within the first year of our marriage. It took years to teach him enough for him to be useful at all. He would go grocery shopping and come home without anything that could be actually cooked for a meal, like beef, chicken, pork, even when given a list.
I was very independent. I only lived at home for 2 months after I graduated from college. The week before I was starting my first real job, I moved into an apartment. I wanted to be a grown up. I was ready for adult responsibilities. He still wasn't ready for all that, even when we got married and became parents. On the surface, he looked great.. accountant, MBA in finance, had saved so much that we had a down payment for a house, had a decent retirement fund started, etc. So, he lived at home.. big deal, he had no real reason to move out. He didn't believe in living together before marriage, so I lived in the house we had bought for 8 months until we got married.
Now, you said your guy did live on his own for a couple years. He might not be as bad as this. However, just living away at college was enough for me to know that I never wanted to be dependent on my parents again. I should have realized that I needed to be with someone who was equally independent. Someone who embraced being an adult, even when it was financially difficult.
Evaluate it carefully. Look for the reasons why he is really staying at home. It probably isn't financial.
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