to drop or not to drop :/

[DrPhil]

You definitely need to drop before this sorority wastes initiation, ritual, and sisterhood on you.

[barbino]

I'm going to mention something no one else here has - the concept of your sorority as a whole entity, not just your own individual chapter. Sure, you want to fit in and feel that you need to fit into your own chapter now. As others have mentioned, this will most likely come with more time. Bonding with anyone does not happen overnight. It takes awhile to get to know anyone, sisters included. Shared experiences turn into recognition of each other as friends.

But consider your sorority as a large national/international organization. Think about why you chose it as one of your personal favorites, and give yourself a chance to feel included as one of its many members. This is why so many sorority members find the alumnae phase the most rewarding of all. You will not always get along with all of your pledge sisters, and you may find that things don't always go well once you initiate. But if you can find in your heart identification with your own sorority as special organization, then you will find a lifetime of rewarding membership.

[Alumiyum]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

You definitely need to drop before this sorority wastes initiation, ritual, and sisterhood on you.

That is unnecessary. New members can be confused, feel overwhelmed, and IMO aren't expected to "get it" before initiation. Her chapter likely wouldn't agree with that "advice".

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by Alumiyum

That is unnecessary. New members can be confused, feel overwhelmed, and IMO aren't expected to "get it" before initiation. Her chapter likely wouldn't agree with that "advice".

Then she should've spoken to her chapter instead of coming here. It is sad when GCers have to advise someone to stick it out.

[barbino]

Originally Posted by Alumiyum

That is unnecessary. New members can be confused, feel overwhelmed, and IMO aren't expected to "get it" before initiation. Her chapter likely wouldn't agree with that "advice".

Ditto on this.

[Alumiyum]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

Then she should've spoken to her chapter instead of coming here. It is sad when GCers have to advise someone to stick it out.

Regardless, telling new members to drop just because they have come here for help is not something chapters would appreciate, IMO.

ETA: As an active I never felt that a new member who was considering dropping because they felt overwhelmed and left out should leave. It happens, and they aren't expected to understand the implications of sisterhood and lifetime commitment fully before initiation, especially since they are not privy to ritual. I know I certainly didn't feel much connection to the concept of "the bonds of sisterhood" or my organization beyond my chapter until I was initiated and had participated in ritual. That was what made me understand.

[ellebud]

Originally Posted by limegreen

This. I didn't really feel like I bonded much as an active. I was always on the fringe. But now 15+ years as an alumni, I am so happy with my choice.

Completely understand and agree. My sorority had it seemed to me at the time, only very wealthy girls. One girl received a staggering (for the time, 1970) $500 a month clothing allowence. I felt beleagured at times, inadequate at others. I transfered schools, affiliated, and was a bit adrift (but made some friends, though not super close.) for the rest of my college life in part because I didn't have a pledge class to relate to one on one.

Fast foward: Life went on and some of my best friends are my sorority sisters from both campuses. I have stood by them and they by me during good and bad times. Several of us live in the same neighborhood, others 20 minutes away. We do have a common bond. I am walking over to one sister's home this afternoon.

[Alumiyum]

Originally Posted by ellebud

Completely understand and agree. My sorority had it seemed to me at the time, only very wealthy girls. One girl received a staggering (for the time, 1970) $500 a month clothing allowence. I felt beleagured at times, inadequate at others. I transfered schools, affiliated, and was a bit adrift (but made some friends, though not super close.) for the rest of my college life in part because I didn't have a pledge class to relate to one on one.

Fast foward: Life went on and some of my best friends are my sorority sisters from both campuses. I have stood by them and they by me during good and bad times. Several of us live in the same neighborhood, others 20 minutes away. We do have a common bond. I am walking over to one sister's home this afternoon.

$500 just for clothing every month is staggering to me in 2010. I wish.

[ThetaPrincess24]

Originally Posted by Alumiyum

$500 just for clothing every month is staggering to me in 2010. I wish.

Me too! That would be a real treat if I had that kind of allowance!

[ellebud]

You should have seen the lavender suede boots with cut outs that she bought back then: $125 at Bullocks Wilshire. Add a zero and that would be the cost today...plus a few hundred more. Lordy, how I coveted those boots.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by Alumiyum

$500 just for clothing every month is staggering to me in 2010. I wish.

Exactly. If it is no longer staggering for ellebud, I respectfully request a clothing donation from her.

[letssingit]

Thank you everyone for your advice

In response to DrPhil: The reason I came to GC for advice isn't to try and disrespect the girls in my house, but because it's hard to go up to girls I don't know well and who love their chapter to talk about something like this. I'm just feeling really overwhelmed and didn't know where else to turn.

But everyone has given some really great advice that I'm definitely going to take

[Alumiyum]

Originally Posted by ellebud

You should have seen the lavender suede boots with cut outs that she bought back then: $125 at Bullocks Wilshire. Add a zero and that would be the cost today...plus a few hundred more. Lordy, how I coveted those boots.

I would have, too. I could do some major damage with $500 a month.

Originally Posted by letssingit

Thank you everyone for your advice

In response to DrPhil: The reason I came to GC for advice isn't to try and disrespect the girls in my house, but because it's hard to go up to girls I don't know well and who love their chapter to talk about something like this. I'm just feeling really overwhelmed and didn't know where else to turn.

But everyone has given some really great advice that I'm definitely going to take

Good luck. Just think everything through and explore all of your options for support. You'll find someone else who does feel the same or has at some point, I guarantee it.

[nittanygirl]

$500 a month?

I could have definitely helped her out. I really need some new clothes.
I've reached that point where my style is starting to sophisticate a bit lol and now I have not much I want to wear.

ETA: and I would only maybe spend $100 of that on the clothes. I would promise to spend the rest completely responsibly (food, utilities, money towards school, dues, etc)

[ellebud]

As I recall she didn't need any assistance in spending her clothing allowence. And no, she didn't spend it "responsibly". She spent it with abandon.

letsingit: Good luck!