Quitting school after an unsuccessful SEC recruitment

[Alumiyum]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

LOL. This excuse is exactly what I was talking about in my last post. Now it's possibly being reduced to a "personality style" and being compared to people who don't like more substantive things like huge classes, huge dorms, and large campuses.

I see the connection she's making...that someone who doesn't handle that sort of recruitment might also not be able to handle the huge school as well. I didn't apply to any large schools because I knew from the start I would feel overwhelmed but I do have friends that tried it, hated it, and left.

But again, if the only reason is an inability to face rejection (or intense pressure from family and hometown social structure...I grew up around this but not in it thankfully), I think that's indicative of some deeper issues that need to be worked out rather than ignored.

Adding to the marriage discussion, my mom said my grandmother was plagued with "Honey, you need to find a good man before it's too late" comments. She married at (I think) 25, was truly gorgeous, outgoing, smart, etc. A good catch. She just wasn't interested in settling. But she had to constantly listen to these comments which is why she made sure not to pressure my mom or aunt into marriage, though both did happen to get married right after college. And it's why my mom has always told me that if I find someone fine, if I don't, fine. I do appreciate not getting that pressure from my immediate family...though it comes from just about everywhere else. (Like asking me when I'm getting married to my SO of a year...we haven't talked about it once and I don't intend to any time soon. I'm not interested and don't get why that's a problem.)

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by Alumiyum

I see the connection she's making...that someone who doesn't handle that sort of recruitment might also not be able to handle the huge school as well.

We were talking about people who transfer because of an unsuccessful recruitment/membership intake. There's no need to dress it up as anything else.

Originally Posted by Alumiyum

But again, if the only reason is an inability to face rejection (or intense pressure from family and hometown social structure...I grew up around this but not in it thankfully), I think that's indicative of some deeper issues that need to be worked out rather than ignored.

Yes, that's what we were saying. And by deeper issues, I don't mean "class sizes are too large."

[Alumiyum]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

We were talking about people who transfer because of an unsuccessful recruitment/membership intake. There's no need to dress it up as anything else.



Yes, that's what we were saying. And by deeper issues, I don't mean "class sizes are too large."

Ok, but as I understand her post, that's what she's saying. IMO there's nothing wrong with adding different viewpoints to a discussion.

Who is "we"?

[DrPhil]

Those of us who were saying it's dumb to transfer because of Greekdom are only talking about "because of Greekdom."

[BadCat25]

Guys transfer, like SEC starting quarterbacks. Some do it because they are criminals or transfer from a coach who is a criminal or just suck. Cameron Newton went to Florida, was kicked out after being arrested and is now starting at Auburn. Jeremiah Masoli went to Oregon, was kicked out after multiple arrests and is now starting at Mississipppi. Ryan Mallett went to Michigan, transferred to and is starting at Arkansas after Michigan brought in coach Rich Rodriguez, who promptly got Michigan on NCAA probation for for the first time in school history for multiple major rules violations. High school all everything qb Mich Mustain went to Arkansas, started as a freshman but was benched after throwing too many interceptions and took off for Southern Cal where he is again riding the bench.

[Nanners52674]

Originally Posted by BadCat25

Guys transfer, like SEC starting quarterbacks. Some do it because they are criminals or transfer from a coach who is a criminal or just suck. Cameron Newton went to Florida, was kicked out after being arrested and is now starting at Auburn. Jeremiah Masoli went to Oregon, was kicked out after multiple arrests and is now starting at Mississipppi. Ryan Mallett went to Michigan, transferred to and is starting at Arkansas after Michigan brought in coach Rich Rodriguez, who promptly got Michigan on NCAA probation for for the first time in school history for multiple major rules violations. High school all everything qb Mich Mustain went to Arkansas, started as a freshman but was benched after throwing too many interceptions and took off for Southern Cal where he is again riding the bench.

What on earth

[DrPhil]

This is not a gendered discussion. You lose at life if you transfer due to Greekdom rejection.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by Nanners52674

What on earth

I really hope her account got hacked because this makes absolutely no sense.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by BadCat25

Guys transfer, like SEC starting quarterbacks. Some do it because they are criminals or transfer from a coach who is a criminal or just suck. Cameron Newton went to Florida, was kicked out after being arrested and is now starting at Auburn. Jeremiah Masoli went to Oregon, was kicked out after multiple arrests and is now starting at Mississipppi. Ryan Mallett went to Michigan, transferred to and is starting at Arkansas after Michigan brought in coach Rich Rodriguez, who promptly got Michigan on NCAA probation for for the first time in school history for multiple major rules violations. High school all everything qb Mich Mustain went to Arkansas, started as a freshman but was benched after throwing too many interceptions and took off for Southern Cal where he is again riding the bench.

You're talking about sports. We're talking about sorority recruitment. Two completely different things.

[Carpe Aeternum]

After my last party during prefs, I got into my mother's car and declared that I would "rather transfer than not be XYZ." Now, I wasn't serious. I was a transfer student- from a tiny college with no Greek life- and was in love with my school. I still am. There is no place else I would rather be; my heart is devoted to this school. But in that moment- with tears rolling down my face from one of the most beautiful ceremonies I have ever seen, and holding that flower- a part of me did feel like it was XYZ or not worth it.

So I can understand the urge to just get out of the school. I wouldn't (and I didn't- I'm not in XYZ), and would never really consider it beyond a passing, emotional comment. No sorority experience makes up for what this university has brought to me. But I do remember my first weeks of freshman year, being so lonely, so overwhelmed, and feeling like I would never fit in, and I can't imagine if I believed the entire school was Greek life, and on top of all the emotion I was feeling, not getting to be Greek. Heck, I almost lost my mind waiting for bid day, and I'm not in the SEC, and Greek life is by no means the center of my school.

It may seem completely irrational, and maybe it is. I don't think I'd want my daughter to do it. But when I go back and read the journal I kept during those first weeks away at school, and the one I kept before and during rush, add those two together, and stick them in 110-degree heat, I can understand.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by Carpe Aeternum

So I can understand the urge to just get out of the school. I wouldn't (and I didn't- I'm not in XYZ), and would never really consider it beyond a passing, emotional comment. No sorority experience makes up for what this university has brought to me. But I do remember my first weeks of freshman year, being so lonely, so overwhelmed, and feeling like I would never fit in, and I can't imagine if I believed the entire school was Greek life, and on top of all the emotion I was feeling, not getting to be Greek. Heck, I almost lost my mind waiting for bid day, and I'm not in the SEC, and Greek life is by no means the center of my school.

It may seem completely irrational, and maybe it is. I don't think I'd want my daughter to do it. But when I go back and read the journal I kept during those first weeks away at school, and the one I kept before and during rush, add those two together, and stick them in 110-degree heat, I can understand.

This is why IMO having rush before the girls can even become part of the campus community is such a crappy idea. It's the same concept as The Bachelor or any of those type shows. Of course at some point you'll think you're in love with the dweeb - THERE'S NOTHING ELSE TO DO.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by 33girl

This is why IMO having rush before the girls can even become part of the campus community is such a crappy idea. It's the same concept as The Bachelor or any of those type shows. Of course at some point you'll think you're in love with the dweeb - THERE'S NOTHING ELSE TO DO.

I tend to agree. At some of the more competitive schools, you go to school early for recruitment, so are in a dorm with mostly PNMs. When things don't go well, you probably do feel like you want to leave school because you have to see every girl in the dorm go to bid day, and you think you will just DIE if you have to stay at Big Southern U.

But what PNMs don't realize is that, come next week, the REST of the students move in and they couldn't care less about Greek Life.

[VandalSquirrel]

Originally Posted by aephi alum

That is an awesome story.

A lot of people don't understand that it IS possible for a woman to do both, to have a successful career AND a husband and children. The Life Script of "go to college, join the right sorority, meet your future husband, get married, have children, and be a SAHM" got jammed down many women's throats in my parents' generation. It's a perfectly valid life path, but it's not the ONLY path. My MIL followed the Life Script, minus the joining a sorority and marrying a doctor parts. My mother, like Low C Sharp's mother, got married and had children (just the one in my mom's case) and also pursued a difficult and challenging career as a doctor. Some women decide not to get married at all, or to get married and not have children. All valid choices.

I'm so glad I had my grandmother as an example and can look to her for justification and support of going to college, working, and postponing marriage. Not that my immediate family has ever harassed me about education, marriage, or kids, but some of my extended family has made comments I don't think were intended as hurtful, but came off that way.

My grandmother went to college, joined Alpha Gam, and yes she received a degree in home economics and english, and became a teacher. She met my grandfather in college, and they didn't marry for almost 10 years and she worked that whole time. My father came along when she was 36, and after WWII she stopped working and took care of him with the help of extended family. Once my grandfather died when my dad was a teenager my grandmother went back to work as a teacher and did that well into her 60s, and chose to never remarry. Even in retirement she had crazy volunteer positions, just like she did when she wasn't employed outside the home. My mother is somewhat similar in that she worked and volunteered while married to my father, and now again married to my stepfather.

My other grandmother stayed at home and raised seven kids and took care of my grandfather, and in her later years took college courses for fun, not for a degree. I like that I was presented with all options and as long as I'm happy, healthy, and productive (doing something like raising kids, volunteering, working, going to school) no one has an issue with my life. I also think I'm off the hook since one sister has been married three times, another twice, and they all have kids so my parents joke I have to wait to get married so they can afford to pay for it

My nephew asked me why I didn't have any boys (all my sisters had boys) and thinks I should have some, thanks preschooler for telling me to have kids! He forgave me when he met my cats though, as there are no pets at his home, nor will there be any time soon. He wants me to bring them to visit and have them stay for vacation, he's a hoot.