How Moms Should Treat Their Legacy Daughters

[carnation]

Well, it's easy to discuss how a mom ought to handle the discussion of legacies with her daughter. Most of the Greek moms I know, though, haven't been deeply involved in Greek life since college so they don't know about the current situation of RFM/huge legacy numbers. I live in a big town but until 2005, the closest national Greek system was an hour away so hardly any local Greeks--and there are a lot here-- were physically involved in a Greek system. Many paid their dues and/or sent money to their chapters but it was (is) a hassle getting to the nearest chapter or alum group (which might be one that focuses on socialization and doesn't discuss recruitment unless friends or relatives are rushing). They got their magazines but now a lot of them are published online so people don't bother to read them. Also, they've spent the last several years raising kids and working and Greek life wasn't really on their radar.

Therefore, even though the Greek Life Office usually sends out a pamphlet to parents about the current situation re: legacies, it doesn't really hit home unless the legacy group cuts the daughter. Wonderful women who assumed their groups would pledge their daughters have been blindsided because back in the day, sororities found a way to pledge their good legacies. Often, only the shadier ones were released.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by carnation

Well, it's easy to discuss how a mom ought to handle the discussion of legacies with her daughter. Most of the Greek moms I know, though, haven't been deeply involved in Greek life since college so they don't know about the current situation of RFM/huge legacy numbers. I live in a big town but until 2005, the closest national Greek system was an hour away so hardly any local Greeks--and there are a lot here-- were physically involved in a Greek system. Many paid their dues and/or sent money to their chapters but it was (is) a hassle getting to the nearest chapter or alum group (which might be one that focuses on socialization and doesn't discuss recruitment unless friends or relatives are rushing). They got their magazines but now a lot of them are published online so people don't bother to read them. Also, they've spent the last several years raising kids and working and Greek life wasn't really on their radar.

Therefore, even though the Greek Life Office usually sends out a pamphlet to parents about the current situation re: legacies, it doesn't really hit home unless the legacy group cuts the daughter. Wonderful women who assumed their groups would pledge their daughters have been blindsided because back in the day, sororities found a way to pledge their good legacies. Often, only the shadier ones were released.

I understand that, Carnation, but you should also know that this causes a lot of heartache for those daughters because of these uninformed mothers. Times have changed, and we need to find a way to get this information to these alumnae so that their daughters don't suffer the consequences.

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by Barbie's_Rush

Speaking from my experience, our issues were almost always with Helga VonHeli, the alumna who has essentially forgotten she's a Pi Pi Pi and completely abandoned every alumna responsibility until we cut her pretty perfect princess.

True. And I'd like to see a shift in those schools with 3 billion legacies (exaggerate? Me?) towards preferring legacies of active alumnae.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

I understand that, Carnation, but you should also know that this causes a lot of heartache for those daughters because of these uninformed mothers. Times have changed, and we need to find a way to get this information to these alumnae so that their daughters don't suffer the consequences.

Exactly. It was a lot easier to get into a lot of competitive colleges back in the day too. Haven't we heard about HOPE on this board a million billion times and how it's made it so much harder to get into UGA?

If parents can get their heads out of their asses and figure that out, they can certainly do the same with sorority membership. Especially since many of them seem to be treating it as a commodity, a thing their daughters need to check off to prove they were "raised right" rather than lifetime sisterhood.

Drolefille - when you were gone we had a thread about "weighting" legacies - for example, the longtime alum chapter president's daughter gets more of a preference than random alum's daughter. I don't think it's fair or desirable, for many reasons. There are LOTS of reasons people aren't involved as alums -one of the most basic ones being there might not be an alum chapter near them. Also, something like that just smacks a little too much of bartering - if I give $1000 to the Foundation, my daughter is higher up on the bid list - for my taste.

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Drolefille - when you were gone we had a thread about "weighting" legacies - for example, the longtime alum chapter president's daughter gets more of a preference than random alum's daughter. I don't think it's fair or desirable, for many reasons. There are LOTS of reasons people aren't involved as alums -one of the most basic ones being there might not be an alum chapter near them. Also, something like that just smacks a little too much of bartering - if I give $1000 to the Foundation, my daughter is higher up on the bid list - for my taste.

I get that and I wouldn't want anything that detailed. More like, has donated some amount to the foundation, active in an alum chapter or other volunteer work with the sorority, etc. It shouldn't be well Suzie's mom donated 3k and Penny's mom only donated 1k.

Nor should it guarantee a bid, but it's a way to show that mom, aunt, grandma, whatever has actually been engaged with the sorority over the past 20 years. If it existed (or exists) I'd really just want there to be "alumna" and "active alumna" and have some really basic level of support that equals "active." And I say that as someone who doesn't meet that status now due to my situation/location/etc.

But eh, don't want to rehash that if it's been done, I'll go thread hunting later.

[carnation]

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

I understand that, Carnation, but you should also know that this causes a lot of heartache for those daughters because of these uninformed mothers. Times have changed, and we need to find a way to get this information to these alumnae so that their daughters don't suffer the consequences.

I agree! And they've changed very quickly--we've seen the big changes since maybe 2000?--but I don't know how on earth we can reach the masses.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by carnation

I agree! And they've changed very quickly--we've seen the big changes since maybe 2000?--but I don't know how on earth we can reach the masses.

I know. It's a big problem. I feel sorry for the girls who go in with a false sense of security.