How Moms Should Treat Their Legacy Daughters

[KSUViolet06]

In reading this story, it actually doesn't sound like she is deliberately trying to sabotage her.

It sounds like she genuinely thinks that her daughter doesn't need any other recs because she's guaranteed a bid to her legacy house. You say she's out of state. Heck, where mom was initiated, it may be true that all legacies got bids.

Every now and then, I'll meet a PNM who has decided to go out of state and rush somewhere competitive. Mom usually attended a school in Ohio that wasn't competitive at all (like Akron, BG, Kent, etc.) She'll think the same thing ("oh she'll probably not need that extra stuff because all legacies get bids.") and won't bother securing recs.

I usually refer those moms to the larger SEC recruitment threads (like the Bama or Auburn threads) where moms are coming on in droves lamenting the fact that their daughters were cut as legacies (some as direct legacies to that chapter).

This is why it's SO important for our orgs to EDUCATE alumnae about not only the legacy policy, but also about how recruitment has changed since they were active, that there are INCREASED numbers of legacies at some schools, and that what used to be a sure thing, often isn't anymore.

I recall reading someone on here that an NPC group published a magazine article on this topic not too long ago that bascially said that while we would love for every legacy to pledge XYZ, that doesn't always happen and that parents need to be prepared for that and support their child in her decisions.

At Convention, I met many women who are legacies. I met one collegian who was recently initiated at our newest chapter (High Point). She was pinned by her mother at Initiation with her grandma's badge and her 2 sisters present. That was a great story and I definitely see the value of legacies.

I also had the opportunity to meet older alumnae whose daughters represent a variety of NPC orgs--one woman had 5 daughters and each of them joined a different org! So they do share the bond of being Panhellenicc women and support their daughter's efforts in their chapters.

I don't have kids, but I have always felt that I'd rather see my kid happy as XYZ, than miserable as a Sigma (because I pressured her to join).

[33girl]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

In reading this story, it actually doesn't sound like she is deliberately trying to sabotage her.

It sounds like she genuinely thinks that her daughter doesn't need any other recs because she's guaranteed a bid to her legacy house. You say she's out of state. Heck, where mom was initiated, it may be true that all legacies got bids.

Even if that is the case, the fact that what was right for her 20-30 years ago might not be right for her daughter hasn't even crossed the selfish heffa's mind. This is along the same lines of the moms with weight problems who make their (perfectly healthy and thin) daughters crazy about their weight - although I think that one's a little less deliberate.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Heck, where mom was initiated, it may be true that all legacies got bids.

She said in the OP that daughter is going to mom's school, so the chapter in question at the SEC school is mom's chapter.

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

She said in the OP that daughter is going to mom's school, so the chapter in question at the SEC school is mom's chapter.

True but it may be more a matter of "when" then.

[Splash]

I have a question for you all about legacies. If I knew some super important legacy was going through (example, her twin sister is currently in the chapter, her mom was in the chapter, her great ancestor started that particular chapter of the organization, etc), I would probably be hard pressed to cut her. As long as she wasn't rude and obnoxious, the fact that maybe she didn't have a good conversation flow with one of the members wouldn't make me want to cut her, while as for any other girl it would be. There are no guarentees, obviously but I think a huge connection like that is more important. This is not the situation for all people, but I wouldn't, would you?

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by Splash

I have a question for you all about legacies. If I knew some super important legacy was going through (example, her twin sister is currently in the chapter, her mom was in the chapter, her great ancestor started that particular chapter of the organization, etc), I would probably be hard pressed to cut her. As long as she wasn't rude and obnoxious, the fact that maybe she didn't have a good conversation flow with one of the members wouldn't make me want to cut her, while as for any other girl it would be. There are no guarentees, obviously but I think a huge connection like that is more important. This is not the situation for all people, but I wouldn't, would you?

[Katmandu]

dgdramadawg, I think it is terrific of you and your friends to go ahead and write recs for this girl. She doesn't know what a good friend she has in you!

My God daughter is going through recruitment in August at an SEC school. Her mom was in a glo in Ohio, where recs were and still are, unnecesary and legacies get a lot of consideration. When I told her we needed to get one (preferably two) recs for each chapter, she pointed to the recruitment book which says prominently, "Recs are not necessary. If a chapter needs a recomendation for you, it is their responsibility to get it for you.". I screamed, "NOOOOOO!!!!" Then told her we were getting recs. Period. I also told her that legacy status meant nothing, since the chapter probably had 50 or more legacies going through.

WHY do SEC schools (and other schools that require recs) say they aren't necessary? That makes me crazy. Girls in the know, KNOW, and everyone else is SOL.

Let's hope your girl's Mom is just clueless and narrow minded. That's better than the alternative (that she's a out to make her daughter's life miserable.

Anyway, you are doing a nice thing!

[ree-Xi]

Originally Posted by Splash

I have a question for you all about legacies. If I knew some super important legacy was going through (example, her twin sister is currently in the chapter, her mom was in the chapter, her great ancestor started that particular chapter of the organization, etc), I would probably be hard pressed to cut her. As long as she wasn't rude and obnoxious, the fact that maybe she didn't have a good conversation flow with one of the members wouldn't make me want to cut her, while as for any other girl it would be. There are no guarentees, obviously but I think a huge connection like that is more important. This is not the situation for all people, but I wouldn't, would you?

So would that possibly qualify as "a thing"?

[Barbie's_Rush]

Originally Posted by ree-Xi

So would that possibly qualify as "a thing"?

FTW

[Splash]

Originally Posted by ree-Xi

So would that possibly qualify as "a thing"?

Don't know what you mean but my question still stands.

[qbt1990]

Originally Posted by ree-Xi

So would that possibly qualify as "a thing"?

hahahaahahaha. SO GOOD

[AXOrushadvisor]

Originally Posted by Splash

I have a question for you all about legacies. If I knew some super important legacy was going through (example, her twin sister is currently in the chapter, her mom was in the chapter, her great ancestor started that particular chapter of the organization, etc), I would probably be hard pressed to cut her. As long as she wasn't rude and obnoxious, the fact that maybe she didn't have a good conversation flow with one of the members wouldn't make me want to cut her, while as for any other girl it would be. There are no guarentees, obviously but I think a huge connection like that is more important. This is not the situation for all people, but I wouldn't, would you?

I have seen some "important" legacies go through recruitment in my years of service and it is always hard especially if the women don't like her or don't think they "fit in" with the house. In fact, this year we have a legacy going through that is a Charter Member and 1st President of the Chapter's daughter. I'm praying the women like her because it can get ugly.

On the other hand, if a AXO Chapter dropped my daughter I would be really bummed especially if she liked the Chapter. I tend to think it is better for the legacies to drop the legacy chapter then the other way around, but it NEVER seems to work that way. For me it would be difficult because I have given over 25 years of service to AXO. Do I think they should take my daughter just because of that? My head says no, but my heart says yes. Again, it would be easier for me if my dd called up and said "Mommy, I dropped AXO. I just didn't feel like I fit in." as opposed to getting a teary eyed call that she was dropped and is heart broken.

I think most National organizations still put an emphasis on legacies going through and courtesy invites. I do think they should get all the consideration of an invitation and should not be cut without a lot of thought and discussion.

[Barbie's_Rush]

Originally Posted by AXOrushadvisor

I have seen some "important" legacies go through recruitment in my years of service and it is always hard especially if the women don't like her or don't think they "fit in" with the house. In fact, this year we have a legacy going through that is a Charter Member and 1st President of the Chapter's daughter. I'm praying the women like her because it can get ugly.

On the other hand, if a AXO Chapter dropped my daughter I would be really bummed especially if she liked the Chapter. I tend to think it is better for the legacies to drop the legacy chapter then the other way around, but it NEVER seems to work that way. For me it would be difficult because I have given over 25 years of service to AXO. Do I think they should take my daughter just because of that? My head says no, but my heart says yes. Again, it would be easier for me if my dd called up and said "Mommy, I dropped AXO. I just didn't feel like I fit in." as opposed to getting a teary eyed call that she was dropped and is heart broken.

I think most National organizations still put an emphasis on legacies going through and courtesy invites. I do think they should get all the consideration of an invitation and should not be cut without a lot of thought and discussion.

And sometimes it's the pnm who drops the legacy chapter but is afraid to tell mommy. That's when things get really ugly.

[SydneyK]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

This is why it's SO important for our orgs to EDUCATE alumnae about not only the legacy policy, but also about how recruitment has changed since they were active, that there are INCREASED numbers of legacies at some schools, and that what used to be a sure thing, often isn't anymore.

It is definitely important to educate our alumnae.

Having said that, however, the women who would benefit most from such education are exactly those women who would be least likely to be receptive to such education. (Generalizing here, obviously.) They're the women who aren't very active in alumnae groups; the ones who don't communicate regularly with current collegians; the ones who never crack open their orgs' magazines; etc... They're also the ones who expect their daughters to be given the royal treatment, and are the ones who are most upset when their daughters are cut form their legacy houses.

So yes, we absolutely need to educate. It probably won't reach those alumnae who need it most, though. (And, for some reason, I believe the mom discussed in the OP would fall into this category.)

[Barbie's_Rush]

Originally Posted by SydneyK

It is definitely important to educate our alumnae.

Having said that, however, the women who would benefit most from such education are exactly those women who would be least likely to be receptive to such education. (Generalizing here, obviously.) They're the women who aren't very active in alumnae groups; the ones who don't communicate regularly with current collegians; the ones who never crack open their orgs' magazines; etc... They're also the ones who expect their daughters to be given the royal treatment, and are the ones who are most upset when their daughters are cut form their legacy houses.

So yes, we absolutely need to educate. It probably won't reach those alumnae who need it most, though. (And, for some reason, I believe the mom discussed in the OP would fall into this category.)

Speaking from my experience, our issues were almost always with Helga VonHeli, the alumna who has essentially forgotten she's a Pi Pi Pi and completely abandoned every alumna responsibility until we cut her pretty perfect princess.