Rushing again

wow! I missed a lot of posts while gone.

I understand the negativity that some girls feel towards me and what I have stated but I never said that I was not personally offended. I do feel as if some people have been frank, which is great-I need to hear the truth. But I also feel as if some people have been down right rude.
I did state that if I went through rush again, I would go into it with an open mind and like someone said, chapters can change through the pledge classes. However, I do not take back that the two sororities will take anyone. They have the most girls coming to their houses during rush because they do not cut anyone and they have the biggest pledge classes. I of course do not know why they do that but that is NOT the reason I, in the past, did not feel as if it were a right fit for me.

Why should I have taken a bid from a sorority where I most likely would not have felt comfortable? Yes, there is that chance that I would have loved it, but from the girls I know in the sororities and from rush week I do not feel it would have been a good fit for me just as the other sororities who dropped me thought that I would not have been a good fit for them at that time.

I like constructive, honest, criticism, and telling me I sound stuck up and pointing out why so I can fix that is fine. But I came here for your personal opinions and advice and I thank you for that, but I do not need to be harassed via the internet for the decisions I have made in the past.

However, I do have to thank everyone for responding because, although some posts may be against me and whatever I have done/choose to do, they will help me make my decision with everything you all have said to me in mind.

[33girl]

angelove, I felt kind of that way with the chapter that won all the athletic competitions. I have 2 left feet. There HAVE been women on here who cut the "higher tier" chapter and explained it in a very nice way. No one has any beef with them. There have been girls who cut the "lower tier" chapter and explain it in a very nice way. No one (well, almost no one) has any beef with them.

It's the attitude that this one is giving that has pissed people off. She's at what is apparently a at least semi-competitive school with 5 groups - and she received invites back. I'm betting there were girls at her school that got cut from ALL the groups. She said rude things about the groups that she did cut and tried to make it sound not rude (which of course has the exact opposite effect). I'll also repeat that if she had become as BFF with these women in the sororities she wants that she thinks she has, they would have already said "are you rushing again once you come back from study abroad?" Oddly enough, she skipped right over that part of my post.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by I_Wish

However, I do not take back that the two sororities will take anyone. They have the most girls coming to their houses during rush because they do not cut anyone and they have the biggest pledge classes.

You are really, really digging a hole here. You know NOTHING about the membership selection policies of these groups, and I would like you to produce evidence that says they don't cut anyone. "All my friends got asked back" does not equal "they don't cut anyone."

Aaaaaand....the biggest pledge class is usually something to be proud of.

No one said you should have taken a bid from a group you hated. But you dropped out before even going to Pref night. That night changes a LOT of minds - just read the rush stories on here. It just seems like you didn't keep an open mind at all - like you didn't want to be a part of these two groups before rush even started.

But then again - if you would have been that miserable at pref, it's a good thing you weren't there to ruin the memories of the girls who DID want to be there. All we're trying to tell you is that unless you have become SUPER SUPER CLOSE (not waving hello or Facebook friends) with girls in one of the three sororities that cut you, they'll probably all 3 cut you again, and the other two groups will probably cut you too, since you've made it clear that you don't want to be there.

[agzg]

Sometimes I think PNMs should take a cue from the chapters and keep their "Chapter Selection" practices as private as our Member Selection Practices.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by carnation

Some of your national offices know you by your screen names (and real names) and they aren't happy.

"You know you've spent too much time on GC when" you say silly things like this. Are you bragging about having the inside scoop or was this meant as a warning?

[epchick]

Originally Posted by kddani

Hush, you shouldn't say that. You're an embarrassment to sororities everywhere!!!

I'm sorry

Originally Posted by 33girl

angelove, I felt kind of that way with the chapter that won all the athletic competitions. I have 2 left feet. There HAVE been women on here who cut the "higher tier" chapter and explained it in a very nice way. No one has any beef with them. There have been girls who cut the "lower tier" chapter and explain it in a very nice way. No one (well, almost no one) has any beef with them.

It's the attitude that this one is giving that has pissed people off. She's at what is apparently a at least semi-competitive school with 5 groups - and she received invites back. I'm betting there were girls at her school that got cut from ALL the groups. She said rude things about the groups that she did cut and tried to make it sound not rude (which of course has the exact opposite effect). I'll also repeat that if she had become as BFF with these women in the sororities she wants that she thinks she has, they would have already said "are you rushing again once you come back from study abroad?" Oddly enough, she skipped right over that part of my post.

People's minds are set that I am a rude person and I guess trying to state otherwise makes me seem even crueler so I can't even try.
But I am close to many girls in the sororities, most are my age though and have never actually gone through the process from the other side. School hasn't even started and I have not expressed to them that thought of me rushing. Who knows that if I say "hey I might rush again" they'll say "oh do you think thats a good idea? or "Oh yeah, totally do it!" I dont want to say anything to people until I know it is what i want to do. Girls were not cut from all groups (at least the ones I have talked to, i of course cannot say that I know for sure).

I'm sorry. I actually am, I don't want to be offensive to anyone and you are right, I don't know what goes on behind closed door and I don't know how the rush process of choosing a pledge class works.

I really don't want this post to be about me and how wrong and rude and stupid I am.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by I_Wish

(My school is very small and competitive because of how many girls rush and how many are accepted into the Sororities).

Originally Posted by I_Wish

Girls were not cut from all groups (at least the ones I have talked to, i of course cannot say that I know for sure).

These two things don't go together.

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by I_Wish

People's minds are set that I am a rude person and I guess trying to state otherwise makes me seem even crueler so I can't even try.
But I am close to many girls in the sororities, most are my age though and have never actually gone through the process from the other side. School hasn't even started and I have not expressed to them that thought of me rushing. Who knows that if I say "hey I might rush again" they'll say "oh do you think thats a good idea? or "Oh yeah, totally do it!" I dont want to say anything to people until I know it is what i want to do. Girls were not cut from all groups (at least the ones I have talked to, i of course cannot say that I know for sure).

No, we think you said things that sounded rude. No one here has been cruel. It sounds like you're maybe starting to learn how what you say comes across to other people, particularly online. Remember, we're not people who know that you mean well, because we don't know you.
If you have friends in those groups, tell them you're thinking about it. There's nothing wrong with that, and even if they're new to being on the other side of recruitment, they can give you better feedback than we can.

Originally Posted by 33girl

These two things don't go together.

Ok hears the deal: the ones I have talked to were not cut from all sororities but we always asked back to either ABC or XYZ or both (these are the two that I was invited back to) The other three are the competitive ones that drop many people, unfortunately.

and yeah, it is true, I need to watch how what I say online comes across...i really don't mean to be rude.

[Blue Skies]

I agree with Carnation. A post-collegiate woman knows that sororities provide a wealth of connections and leadership opportunities that extend well past her relatively brief time in school.

But a young, 18 (19, 20-) year old girl is looking for friends. She's looking for a home. She wants to have fun. If she's gone back to a particular chapter three times or more, and she still hasn't found any friends or potential friends, I can't blame her for dropping the chapter or recruitment entirely.

I think where the advice "keep an open mind" comes in handiest is when a girl has gone back at least three times and still feels iffy about a chapter or just doesn't know.

I liked most of the chapters at my school when I went through recruitment. I even liked chapters that in retrospect were not a good fit for me, lol. And although I could point out some of the more popular chapters, I was largely unaware of tiers. Even if I had been aware, I don't think it would have mattered much. I was looking for a good fit.

There were two chapters that almost right from the beginning were a clear, "no." Yet I kept going back, giving them a chance. Both were strong national orgs.

Chapter A -- all of these girls that I met were in-state at a school that attracted many, many out of state kids, from all over the country. I had traveled thousands of miles to come to this school. This was worrisome, but not a deal-breaker. The deal-breaker was that the girls that I met had never traveled out of state, much less out of the country. I just felt that I didn't have much in common with them. In addition, I was quite sporty in college, and none of the girls that I met engaged in my (quite common) sport. No match. (This chapter folded some years later. This was not a surprise to me.)

Chapter B -- was somewhat more promising than Chapter A. They had absolutely the prettiest, most beautifully decorated house on campus -- a real showplace. They were a smaller chapter, so they had to double- and triple-rush at times. This confused me, clueless rushee that I was, but it wasn't a deal-breaker. There was one girl that I liked -- I wasn't sure if she was BFF material, but I liked her. There was also one distinctly odd girl, with very stare-y eyes, who spoke as if she were talking from a million miles away, along with a few others who seemed "off." Collectively, they reminded me of a girl that I has met in high school who was a member of a fringe religious group. Just off. Also, they brought out an elderly alumna who sang one of their songs with them. With the benefit of hindsight, I think this was an incredibly sweet thing. As a young girl, I just didn't get it. I wasn't going through rush to hang out with my mom! No match. (This group went through many tough years, but eventually turned into a strong chapter. I could see the positives even as a rushee, so this wasn't a surprise to me. I just didn't feel a match with the chapter as it was at the time.)

So, if I were to give advice to young PNM's...it would be to make a commitment to yourself to see the process through to prefs. If you're feeling iffy about a chapter (no strong feelings about it one way or the other,) that's a chapter that you really should take a close look at and give a chance. But if you are still finding a chapter a clear "no" after prefs, there's no shame in not signing your bid card. You will find your friends elsewhere.

[Barbie's_Rush]

Why do some greekchatters who feel compelled to tell us what meanies we are assume that everyone is some old alumna?

Some people are so out of touch with the reality of membership selection today, and I don't care if you are able to sit in with a chapter you advise or have daughters who tell you things or whatever. Plenty of stuff goes on behind the scenes that you will never ever see.

I think it does a disservice to tell pnms, particularly the ones re-rushing, that "yay! just make friends, join some clubs and bring your grades up and you can totally have another chance with your dreamy top tier chapter!" Unless you are at Wazoo Non-competitive U and went into your first recruitment with a 1.2 gpa, smelling of rotten diapers and acting like a deaf mute during parties, this is most likely not true. In 99.9% of the cases, your second recruitment is going to be less successful than your first one and you need to know that going in. Blowing alumna sunshine up people's butts about how things "should" be is not going to change it.

[Blue Skies]

Originally Posted by Barbie's_Rush

I think it does a disservice to tell pnms, particularly the ones re-rushing, that "yay! just make friends, join some clubs and bring your grades up and you can totally have another chance with your dreamy top tier chapter!" Unless you are at Wazoo Non-competitive U and went into your first recruitment with a 1.2 gpa, smelling of rotten diapers and acting like a deaf mute during parties, this is most likely not true. In 99.9% of the cases, your second recruitment is going to be less successful than your first one and you need to know that going in. Blowing alumna sunshine up people's butts about how things "should" be is not going to change it.

No one is saying that. Trust.

[kddani]

Why was it appropriate to derail this young woman's thread like this?