Sandra Bullock Adopts & Confirms Divorce

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by rhoyaltempest

So true, which is why adoption agencies back in the day (not so much now I guess since there are so many non-white children that need homes) had issues with whites adopting non-white children. Pretending your child is not non-white and acting like race/color doesn't matter, does not help a non-white child develop well psychologically and appreciate and love everything about themselves. Since children want to be just like their parents, not looking like their parents and family members around them can lead to a very distorted image of themselves; a feeling that how they look is wrong and bad. It is so important for non-white families (and families in general) to embrace a non-white child's ethnicity and constantly reinforce the message that the child may look different but is no less beautiful and valued.

Agreed. I think though that it is better to have a white family adopt and raise a non-white child in that environment than to have the child raised in "the system."

[rhoyaltempest]

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

Agreed. I think though that it is better to have a white family adopt and raise a non-white child in that environment than to have the child raised in "the system."

I want to agree with you but I am not so certain of that now. I've met some very messed up non-white individuals who were raised in white families where their race/color was never mentioned and while they don't say it, you can tell that they hate their physical appearance.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by rhoyaltempest

I want to agree with you but I am not so certain of that now. I've met some very messed up non-white individuals who were raised in white families where their race/color was never mentioned and while they don't say it, you can tell that they hate their physical appearance.

And I know some messed up white and non-white people that hate themselves for lots of other reasons. Raising kids is tough business. There are lots of ways to screw up.

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by rhoyaltempest

I want to agree with you but I am not so certain of that now. I've met some very messed up non-white individuals who were raised in white families where their race/color was never mentioned and while they don't say it, you can tell that they hate their physical appearance.

I've met some very messed up non-white individuals who were raised in their family of origin, where they were criticized for being "too dark" or "too light," or for the texture of their hair; even though they don't say it, you can tell that they hate their physical appearance. Anyone can mess up a kid.

I also thought the "white families shouldn't adopt black children" wasn't perpetrated by the agencies, but by misguided black nationalism in the 70s. In fact, I believe it was black social workers who said straight-up that white parents shouldn't adopt black children, instead of focusing on giving the child a good home and giving them the tools to raise a black child in a white home.

[rhoyaltempest]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

I've met some very messed up non-white individuals who were raised in their family of origin, where they were criticized for being "too dark" or "too light," or for the texture of their hair; even though they don't say it, you can tell that they hate their physical appearance. Anyone can mess up a kid.

I also thought the "white families shouldn't adopt black children" wasn't perpetrated by the agencies, but by misguided black nationalism in the 70s. In fact, I believe it was black social workers who said straight-up that white parents shouldn't adopt black children, instead of focusing on giving the child a good home and giving them the tools to raise a black child in a white home.

Agencies definitely took issue whether it was black social workers who started this thinking or not and why do these supposed "black nationalists" have to be misguided? I'm sure they had reasons for believing as they did and some Black people still have this view. Just because you have a different opinion doesn't make those with an opposing opinion misguided.

As for the bolded, this is true but still doesn't change my point or make anything more acceptable (and that's not to say that I'm against whites parenting non-white children). Bottom line, if you are going to foster, adopt, or give birth to a non-white child, care enough to have them embrace their ethnicity and do all you can to learn about their needs. I live in a predominately white community where for some reason in recent years, it has become popular (like a trend or something) to foster or adopt non-white children (mostly Black) and if I see one more non-white child of a white mother with her hair all over her head (dry, brittle, and breaking off because it's obvious that the mother doesn't have a clue), I don't know what I'm going to do. That's just wrong. How high would your self-esteem be at 10/11 years old if that were you?

Also, one of my white colleagues recently (last year) tried to adopt a black child and was asked to explain how she and her family were going to ensure that the child learns to appreciate their culture and is surrounded by others like her. She admitted to me that she didn't think she would have to do all that and is now trying to adopt a white child. My point is that some whites just don't want to deal with race/color at all and some have no desire to learn about other races/cultures and this is fine for them...just stay away from the non-white children if that's the case. That's all I'm saying. In my opinion (and this is just my opinion), people do better in life personally when they are proud of who they are, what they are, and from whence they came. It's so much deeper than many realize.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by rhoyaltempest

Bottom line, if you are going to foster, adopt, or give birth to a non-white child, care enough to have them embrace their ethnicity and do all you can to learn about their needs. I live in a predominately white community where for some reason in recent years, it has become popular (like a trend or something) to foster or adopt non-white children (mostly Black) and if I see one more non-white child of a white mother with her hair all over her head (dry, brittle, and breaking off because it's obvious that the mother doesn't have a clue), I don't know what I'm going to do. That's just wrong. How high would your self-esteem be at 10/11 years old if that were you?

It's hard to tell, though, unless the mother also has a white child, if that's her being dumb as a post to black issues in particular, or just dumb as a post in general. I mean, white girls can have mothers who don't see the child in front of them, rather the child they wish they had, and dress her like she's 3 years old or 50 pounds when she's 10 years old or 100 pounds. I do understand what you're saying, and I agree these mothers need to get their act together, but you can't deny that sometimes stupidity is an equal opportunity employer.