Daughter's friend's recruitment

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by Splash

No one has to answer me, I just posted a question, no big deal

Those girls may not have as much in common with their chapter than the more "elite" chapters had they not been cut, but then again, we are talking mostly about chapters at schools with very defined differences between groups. This is pretty rare and at MOST schools not so definitive. A fish out of water can fit in, but may not feel as comfortable and will probably have to work harder at it.

[Barbie's_Rush]

Mostly I think it's the idea of getting rejected by Pretty Perfect Princess. It's one of the first doses of reality most girls get when they get to school. They want to be a Pi Pi Pi because everyone should want to be a Pi Pi Pi. Patty PNM isn't even thinking about things like how she could cope with the Tri Pis' weekly spa trips and shopping sprees while she works three shifts a week at the Wag-a-Bag just to pay her dues.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by Barbie's_Rush

Mostly I think it's the idea of getting rejected by Pretty Perfect Princess. It's one of the first doses of reality most girls get when they get to school. They want to be a Pi Pi Pi because everyone should want to be a Pi Pi Pi. Patty PNM isn't even thinking about things like how she could cope with the Tri Pis' weekly spa trips and shopping sprees while she works three shifts a week at the Wag-a-Bag just to pay her dues.

Of course not...it often reminds me of "Scent of A Women." Chris O'Donnell's character tries so hard to fit in with the rich boys at his school, but he'll never be a privileged brat with daddy's money.

[CougarGrad]

I'm amazed at how clueless this young lady is.

She was "rude" to her legacy house. She pledged a colony/re-colony, then de-pledged. She went to COB events for a house she liked, but didn't get a bid. She went through spring formal, didn't like what she got, and withdrew.

That's possibly 4 houses, assuming that none of them are the same house, to whom she has given the message, "You aren't good enough for me." That could be half the houses on campus.

[littleowl33]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

I think the issue is with PNMs wanting to be in the chapter with the girls who are most like who they WANT to be. Not necessarily who they have the most in common with at that time.

Originally Posted by ellebud

Perhaps you're from a small town. Your fashion may have been perfect.....there. Your knowledge of what's in and what's no was perfect.......there. Suddenly you find yourself at......Harvard. EVERYONE there was the best and the brightest in their hometown. Now, someone will be at the bottom, some will be in the middle and one person will graduate first in their class. You try your best, you march to a new tune and hopefully you'll evolve into the wonderful adult that you are meant to become.

THIS and THIS.

I think a lot of girls come to college with the expectation that they're going to reinvent themselves. They're in a totally new environment, oftentimes with no one who knew them in high school. However, when they realize that a few months and a new wardrobe isn't going to magically change them from the average girl they were in high school to the queen of their college campus (who is, consequently, a member of the "top" sorority), it's a big blow to their self-confidence. Not all girls handle it with the grace and maturity they should. Some will join the group they truly fit in with and learn to flourish there - and love it - and learn that popularity or image or what-have-you isn't going to be what makes you really happy. Some will end up this the OP's PNM. I think it's pretty obvious which scenario makes that girl look worse in the end.

Not to mention the fact that the PNMs who do somehow find their way into the "top" group (when they know in their hearts that it's who they want to be, not who they are) are rarely very happy. I have quite a few friends who made it into their dream group by acting like someone they weren't and discovered after a few months that it wasn't where they should have ended up. It turned out they had nothing in common with their sisters (surprise!) and they felt like an outsider. Some deactivated, but some stuck with it for the prestige of continuing to wear those letters, even though they meant nothing to them. Sad.

[RebelCheerBabii]

im kinda confused about this whole rush thing now......what did that girl do that was wrong??? i thought rush was about finding the right house where u belong which is waht she was doing right? is there somthing im missing? if someone gets a bid froma house they dont like, are they supposed to join??? im gonna rush in the fall but im scared i wont be able to find the right house and join the wrong one instead!!! how arre u suposed to know whats right for u??????

[myopicsunflower]

Originally Posted by RebelCheerBabii

im kinda confused about this whole rush thing now......what did that girl do that was wrong??? i thought rush was about finding the right house where u belong which is waht she was doing right? is there somthing im missing? if someone gets a bid froma house they dont like, are they supposed to join??? im gonna rush in the fall but im scared i wont be able to find the right house and join the wrong one instead!!! how arre u suposed to know whats right for u??????

Basically, she burned her bridges. This girl has done plenty to draw negative attention to herself, and word gets around a Greek community pretty quickly.

Think of it this way -- if you were an XYZ, and you knew that this girl had been openly rude to girls in her legacy chapter, had pledged and depledged a another chapter, and turned down an informal Pref invitation to yet another chapter because she felt they weren't good enough for her, would you want her to be your sister? Would you extend her a bid?

I can't tell you how you know what's right for you -- in my experience, you just *know*. But this thread contains a whole lot of What Not To Do, and I think it would be wise reading for any girl going through rush.

[RebelCheerBabii]

im not greek yet so idrk what id do if i were apart of that chapter. if the girl did all that cuz she thought a certain chapter was were she belonged isnt that kinda a complement to that chapter? i mean its kinda like finding a bf right? sometimes you gotta reject the ones that arent good enough to find the one for you!!!!!

[Psi U MC Vito]

Originally Posted by RebelCheerBabii

im not greek yet so idrk what id do if i were apart of that chapter. if the girl did all that cuz she thought a certain chapter was were she belonged isnt that kinda a complement to that chapter? i mean its kinda like finding a bf right? sometimes you gotta reject the ones that arent good enough to find the one for you!!!!!

The problem is, it sounds like this girl didn't care if they were a match or not. she just wanted to be part of a popular chapter. To use your example, it's like dating a complete douch of a guy that you can't stand and have nothing in common with, just because he is like a star quarterback. Recruitment shouldn't be a popularity contest. It should be about finding the place that fits you as a new home.

[Ooh La La]

Originally Posted by RebelCheerBabii

im not greek yet so idrk what id do if i were apart of that chapter. if the girl did all that cuz she thought a certain chapter was were she belonged isnt that kinda a complement to that chapter? i mean its kinda like finding a bf right? sometimes you gotta reject the ones that arent good enough to find the one for you!!!!!

No, it's not like that at all. If you go into recruitment with that attitude, you'll only come out disappointed. You need to be respectful of all the chapters on campus and keep an open mind. You shouldn't go in concentrating on getting into only one specific chapter, but rather see what all the houses have to offer. Read what the above posters have said. Just because you think a chapter might be right for you going into recruitment doesn't mean it is.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by RebelCheerBabii

im kinda confused about this whole rush thing now......what did that girl do that was wrong??? i thought rush was about finding the right house where u belong which is waht she was doing right? is there somthing im missing? if someone gets a bid froma house they dont like, are they supposed to join??? im gonna rush in the fall but im scared i wont be able to find the right house and join the wrong one instead!!! how arre u suposed to know whats right for u??????

What she did wrong was act too good for every group on campus. Trust me...there is NO WAY she could have seriously looked at each of these chapters seriously and not found women in them with whom she could be friends. Recruitment is MUTUAL selection. The chapter that she has decided is for her already decided that she was NOT for them. It is then her fault for not giving other chapters a chance to join their sisterhoods. She'll never get a bid to the most desirable group on campus after first being released by them, being rude to multiple groups on campus, pledging another group and them dropping them because they served crackers for dinner. It doesn't work that way!

[Katmandu]

Logistically, I am having trouble following this one, although the cautionary tale is clear.

She went through formal, dropped out, then accepted a bid from a chapter recolonizing.... then de-pledged, and went through informal, (although wouldn't she have to waiit a year if it was a NPC group) then formal spring, then COB? Did this take place over the course of two years, because of the de-pledging?

[ellebud]

Part of this was very confusing to me as well. I asked a question on another thread about it (the part about her ability to go through recruitment again so soon. yes, because it is a colony). No, this has been the saga for 8 months. Here is the time line:

Went through formal fall rush (all NPC chapters represented)--dropped out because she didn't like her choices.
Found out that there was an NPC recolonizing at her university. Pledged, went to a number of events, depledged.
Mom went to Panhellenic and complained that her daughter had trouble due to a physical disability. Daughter was granted permission to go through recruitment either through COB and/ or spring formal (not all chapters participate in spring formal.)
Went through COB with one house. Went to an event. Was told by a friend that her chapter didn't vote on "anyone" because they didn't get around to it.
Spring Formal: done over 3 days (as opposed to 5 for fall formal recruitment). Girl had 2 or 3 houses that she would consider (out of 8 houses, not all houses participate). Girl dropped from all houses, except 1, that were acceptable after the first day. Second day (for Pref) her invite was for 1 house that she didn't want. Dropped out.

Plans for the future: To do COB in the fall, after formal recruitment, to go to the popular houses where she feels that they are worthy of her presence.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by ellebud

Mom went to Panhellenic and complained that her daughter had trouble due to a physical disability.

Yes. Her head was up her ass.

[ellebud]

What did she do wrong? She felt that she was too good for any houses other than the "top" houses. She was rude at houses that she felt she was too good for them. She really did dress disrespectfully for formal rush. The last was actually the fault of Panhellenic who said that flipflops and daisy dukes were ok. But then my daughter and I told her to avoid the information from Panhellenic. She never tried to get to know the girls in the lower tiers. Her mother complained to Panhellenic that she was treated unfairly.