Daughter's friend's recruitment

[ellebud]

I think that college is a time of change and growth. This is the first time that many young women are testing the waters in the great big ocean. Obviously EVERY high school has a popular clique. What happens when you have hundreds of bright, beautiful girls ALL of whom were somebody in high school suddenly in one huge recruitment class? Not everyone will be Miss Popularity, and that is perfectly ok, as long as you (the girl) understands that she is still that wonderful, beautiful, smart funny girl that she was four months ago.

Perhaps you're from a small town. Your fashion may have been perfect.....there. Your knowledge of what's in and what's no was perfect.......there. Suddenly you find yourself at......Harvard. EVERYONE there was the best and the brightest in their hometown. Now, someone will be at the bottom, some will be in the middle and one person will graduate first in their class. You try your best, you march to a new tune and hopefully you'll evolve into the wonderful adult that you are meant to become. Some kids run home because they don't have the "stuff" to find a new self. What matters is the education and the friends you make along the way. And sometimes you get hit in the nose with the "wrong" bid, or no bid. Then it's what you make of it that counts.

[littleowl33]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

I think the issue is with PNMs wanting to be in the chapter with the girls who are most like who they WANT to be. Not necessarily who they have the most in common with at that time.

Originally Posted by ellebud

Perhaps you're from a small town. Your fashion may have been perfect.....there. Your knowledge of what's in and what's no was perfect.......there. Suddenly you find yourself at......Harvard. EVERYONE there was the best and the brightest in their hometown. Now, someone will be at the bottom, some will be in the middle and one person will graduate first in their class. You try your best, you march to a new tune and hopefully you'll evolve into the wonderful adult that you are meant to become.

THIS and THIS.

I think a lot of girls come to college with the expectation that they're going to reinvent themselves. They're in a totally new environment, oftentimes with no one who knew them in high school. However, when they realize that a few months and a new wardrobe isn't going to magically change them from the average girl they were in high school to the queen of their college campus (who is, consequently, a member of the "top" sorority), it's a big blow to their self-confidence. Not all girls handle it with the grace and maturity they should. Some will join the group they truly fit in with and learn to flourish there - and love it - and learn that popularity or image or what-have-you isn't going to be what makes you really happy. Some will end up this the OP's PNM. I think it's pretty obvious which scenario makes that girl look worse in the end.

Not to mention the fact that the PNMs who do somehow find their way into the "top" group (when they know in their hearts that it's who they want to be, not who they are) are rarely very happy. I have quite a few friends who made it into their dream group by acting like someone they weren't and discovered after a few months that it wasn't where they should have ended up. It turned out they had nothing in common with their sisters (surprise!) and they felt like an outsider. Some deactivated, but some stuck with it for the prestige of continuing to wear those letters, even though they meant nothing to them. Sad.

[Splash]

Originally Posted by littleowl33

Not to mention the fact that the PNMs who do somehow find their way into the "top" group (when they know in their hearts that it's who they want to be, not who they are) are rarely very happy. I have quite a few friends who made it into their dream group by acting like someone they weren't and discovered after a few months that it wasn't where they should have ended up. It turned out they had nothing in common with their sisters (surprise!) and they felt like an outsider. Some deactivated, but some stuck with it for the prestige of continuing to wear those letters, even though they meant nothing to them. Sad.

I don't see how you can say this, when this seems to be the exact opposite of the advice we give when someone receives her lower choice chapter. It is quite rare that with the right effort, most PNMs can fit into and be happy/flourish with the bid that they are given.

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by Splash

I don't see how you can say this, when this seems to be the exact opposite of the advice we give when someone receives her lower choice chapter. It is quite rare that with the right effort, most PNMs can fit into and be happy/flourish with the bid that they are given.

There's a difference though. If you're not being yourself throughout recruitment to 'fake it' into the group of your dreams, then you're more likely to be unhappy than if you are yourself and get into a group that wants you for you. If you're not being yourself, even a positive, perky, social version of yourself, you'll probably find that you don't actually fit in.