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Wow, is all I can say. First, I didn't get pictures!! Our camera battery died (someone didn't recharge it!!).
So they actually did reaffirm their vows, though it didn't say so on the invitation. Half the people showed up late (the invitation said 7 but who arrives exactly one time for a dinner?). So a good 100 of the 170 people crowded into this tiny-assed room with only 12 chairs (the bridal party sat in them while the "bride", "groom", best man and matron of honor stood. Their kid ran all over the place, chasing his two toddler cousins (they are all young moms) while no one corrected the kids. I was so nervous that they were going to knock over the candles.
The bridesmaid dresses were black with CUT OUTS. Like if you slashed a piece of the dress. Oh and some of them wore sunglasses. Inside. At night. The "bride's" wedding dress (which she wore at full term of the pregnancy (from their FB photos, I figured out she had the baby 6 days after their first "wedding") was hanging off her. She's like a size 6/8, not nearly as big as she was when she was pg. She didn't get it tailored. They held the dress together with safety pins. Visible safety pins. The husband comes from money, they could have afforded to tailor the dress, but perhaps they thought it was a fashion statement.
So that lasts about 15 minutes and the guests are shepherded into the main room while the bridal party goes into another room to take pictures and drink. Again, no one was watching the kids (they had both sets of grandparents there). When you walked in, instead of a place cards, they had written people's names in silver marker on rocks. They had a theme for each table, but we couldn't figure out what the theme was.
At about 9pm (almost 2 hours later), they put out cheese and crackers. They had some waiters with cheese sticks and chicken fingers (they were microwaved), but they only came around once. They did one lap, and when the platters were empty, that's it. They had open bar, but they served "half drinks". Mixed drinks were in juice glasses, and beer was poured (from bottles) into 8-ounce milk type glasses. (I don't drink but it seemed quite lame). Even the soda was a spritz and the rest ice.
The bridal party came in about a half hour later, around 9:30. Dinner started at 9:50. Yep, three hours into the deal. Finally, the dj started spinning music - but only music that the bride and groom like - a combo of rap and trance music. That started at 10:20. (They had no music playing at all, until dinner was served). The bride's brother in law (who we affectionately call Spencer Pratt) got on the dance floor to showcase his drunken moves. It was like Elaine from Seinfeld but without the thumbs. It was so embarrassing.
They bride and groom never made the rounds, they had everyone come to them (which in my family, just doesn't happen). We brought a gift (that picnic basket which today retails for $76) and had put it with a few other gifts. When we went to congratulate them, the maid of honor (her sister) asked if we'd like to "give the envelope" to her, since the bride didn't have a handbag. I told her that we brought a gift. She just looked at me like I had three heads. I know she was pissed but whatever.
Oh, and I found out that they never told the general population (or most of the extended family) that they had already been married. They seriously let everyone believe that they are newlyweds. All over their FB page are congratulations to the "newlyweds", wishes to the new "husband and wife" and jokes about being old and married "now".
Thanks for the therapy lol. Good times, good times.
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