What to do when you know something sensitive about PNMs?

[TSteven]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Getting an MIP has nothing to do with being "ladylike" - you can get an MIP sitting in your apartment drinking a glass of Arbor Mist. But if they're getting shitfaced and doing all the Sigma Chis on a weekly basis, then that could be a real problem and you probably shouldn't bid them.

Allegedly.

[KSUViolet06]

I guess I'm in the minority on this one.

Anytime I've seen a chapter bid a girl they've perceived as a risk management liability (with MIP arrests and such), it has always come back to bite them somehow.

Ex: My friend from CA is an XYZ sorority alumna. Her chapter at her school had a similar situation where some members had bad feeling about a girl who had had an underaged DUI. But alot of girls loooooved her. They decided to take her anyway. At their formal, she got so drunk that she came back to their house and broke 2 of the windows.

All I'm saying is that I've never seen (on my campus or any other of my friend's schools) such a PNM get a bid and become a productive member. They usually end up being some sort of drama queen or causing some sort of RM issue within the chapter.

[ThetaPrincess24]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

I guess I'm in the minority on this one.

Anytime I've seen a chapter bid a girl they've perceived as a risk management liability (with MIP arrests and such), it has always come back to bite them somehow.

Ex: My friend from CA is an XYZ sorority alumna. Her chapter at her school had a similar situation where some members had bad feeling about a girl who had had an underaged DUI. But alot of girls loooooved her. They decided to take her anyway. At their formal, she got so drunk that she came back to their house and broke 2 of the windows.

All I'm saying is that I've never seen (on my campus or any other of my friend's schools) such a PNM get a bid and become a productive member. They usually end up being some sort of drama queen or causing some sort of RM issue within the chapter.

This has been my experience as well--seeing things from both a collegian and alumna point of view. Some of those girls will eventually weed themselves out when they get brought before standards and are reprimanded for their actions to their dismay. They are either forced out or leave on their own due to unwillingness to change. BUT, does a chapter really even want to have to mess with such an issue? Why not avoid the issues altogether and not extend them a bid.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

I guess I'm in the minority on this one.

Anytime I've seen a chapter bid a girl they've perceived as a risk management liability (with MIP arrests and such), it has always come back to bite them somehow.

Ex: My friend from CA is an XYZ sorority alumna. Her chapter at her school had a similar situation where some members had bad feeling about a girl who had had an underaged DUI. But alot of girls loooooved her. They decided to take her anyway. At their formal, she got so drunk that she came back to their house and broke 2 of the windows.

This is what I'm saying. If a PNM is making any of your sisters feel uncomfortable for a legitimate reason, I wouldn't advise bidding her. As us girls always say when it comes to guys: "There are plenty of other fish in the sea." The same can be said for sorority recruitment. Go find the girls who will contribute something to the chapter, and who won't make you feel bad or embarrassed to wear your letters.

If you think that a PNM made a few small mistakes in the distant past, but they've learned their lesson, then analyze their situation and make an informed decision about whether or not to give them a bid. But if many of your sisters find themselves saying, "Eh, I don't know..." then it's probably not a good idea to give them a bid.

But again, it's completely up to your chapter.

Just keep in mind:

1.) You're a new chapter.
2.) A few bad apples can ruin things for an entire chapter (no matter how large that chapter may be).
3.) You don't want to have to deal with major problems in the very beginning. I'm sure you're already working very hard to establish yourself on campus.. you don't need an added headache.
3.) You deserve to have the best of the best girls as your sisters!

[Barbie's_Rush]

Reputation is always important, but I'd think it would be particularly critical with a new colony trying to establish itself on campus. Even if the girl's bad reputation isn't true, if enough people know about it due to rumor, people will start to perceive your sorority as being full of that same kind of girl.

[FSUZeta]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

I guess I'm in the minority on this one.

Anytime I've seen a chapter bid a girl they've perceived as a risk management liability (with MIP arrests and such), it has always come back to bite them somehow.

Ex: My friend from CA is an XYZ sorority alumna. Her chapter at her school had a similar situation where some members had bad feeling about a girl who had had an underaged DUI. But alot of girls loooooved her. They decided to take her anyway. At their formal, she got so drunk that she came back to their house and broke 2 of the windows.

All I'm saying is that I've never seen (on my campus or any other of my friend's schools) such a PNM get a bid and become a productive member. They usually end up being some sort of drama queen or causing some sort of RM issue within the chapter.

i think more a silent majority than a minority. i have never seen a potential risk management pnm offer anything to a chapter except problems, headaches, heartaches and trips to the standards/judicial board.

and as barbie's rush says, even if the rumor is false, the fact that others know about it could bring problems to your colony/chapter that you will regret.

[ree-Xi]

I get the feeling that the OP feels trapped by the "numbers", that they FEEL that they can't afford to turn anyone away.

OP...is this the case?

[33girl]

People seem to be misinterpreting...I didn't by any means say they need to trip over themselves giving bids to these girls. Rather, I think the OP's wanting a concrete answer, which she can't get unless she gets really precise about what they did and what school she's at, which I don't advise.

I think they're being pressured to get big numbers, and she's trying to talk herself out of her misgivings, hence all the contradictions in her posts. But I'll say again, whether it's someone who drinks too much, or someone who spends every millisecond with her boyfriend, or someone who can barely carry on a conversation - if you don't think she's right for the sorority, even if everyone else does, even if you only have 3 members left and no one else interested in pledging, don't vote to give her a bid!! Yeah, there are going to be times when you're the lone dissenter, but don't ever give bids because you feel pressured or feel sorry for someone.

ETA to ree-xi: Jinx, buy me a coke

[ree-Xi]

Originally Posted by 33girl

People seem to be misinterpreting...I didn't by any means say they need to trip over themselves giving bids to these girls. Rather, I think the OP's wanting a concrete answer, which she can't get unless she gets really precise about what they did and what school she's at, which I don't advise.

I think they're being pressured to get big numbers, and she's trying to talk herself out of her misgivings, hence all the contradictions in her posts. But I'll say again, whether it's someone who drinks too much, or someone who spends every millisecond with her boyfriend, or someone who can barely carry on a conversation - if you don't think she's right for the sorority, even if everyone else does, even if you only have 3 members left and no one else interested in pledging, don't vote to give her a bid!! Yeah, there are going to be times when you're the lone dissenter, but don't ever give bids because you feel pressured or feel sorry for someone.

ETA to ree-xi: Jinx, buy me a coke

[gee_ess]

This dilemma often comes up in recruitment. One girl loves a pnm, another has heard or knows something about the pnm that makes her feel unwilling to extend her a bid. Consult your membership selection manual or talk with an experienced advisor/alum/national officer to guide you on how to handle this. Different groups have different methods and procedures. Bottom line - this won't be the last time you will weigh carefully a pnm's faults and assets. But, I feel that any new colony must be especially careful when selecting members with regard to reputation. Just make sure you have the facts and not vicious rumors.

[honeychile]

FWIW, this doesn't just happen with colonies or chapters with low numbers. My own chapter was second largest on campus and had the PNM problem. Half of the chapter loved her, the other half absolutely hated her. The half who loved her managed to get her a bid (can't go into more without going into MS).

Long story short, our suite became a battleground. She depledged prior to being depledged, and took two others with her. By the next term, about a third of the chapter "disappeared"; by fall, we were half the size we had been.

IMHO, if there is any - any! - drama about a PNM that cause split feelings, extending her a bid is simply not worth it. Better that you stand together than fall apart due to one person.

[Alumiyum]

If this is a situation where these girls got one MIP, then to be honest I can't fathom at all why they would be ruled out. However if this is a situation where these girls have gotten multiple alcohol violations or are behaving in ways that are certain to earn them more citations, don't waste your time. Yeah, some people go through phases, but my old chapter occasionally pledged the multiple offenses types and they without fail either quit or were made to quit. Just decide whether they have made a mistake or are constantly making mistakes. If they don't learn lessons they're just bound to cause drama.

[sigmagirl10]

Thank you to everyone for all the advice--we were able to work things out with the help of an advisor and I appreciate the time you all took to tell me to go to an advisor. Guess I was just impatient. Now I've learned!

[MandyPepperidge]

Originally Posted by sigmagirl10

Thank you to everyone for all the advice--we were able to work things out with the help of an advisor and I appreciate the time you all took to tell me to go to an advisor. Guess I was just impatient. Now I've learned!

If you are a Tri-Sigma, PM me. Our national by-laws have a very clearcut process for this type of situation.

[MUSK81]

All I have to say is, When In Doubt, DON"T! My chapter took several questionable members, one of whom was a legacy whose mom was very involved with the chapter. Long story short, we closed a couple of semesters later. Most rumors have a grain of truth in them. It might not be fair, but there it is. Follow your instincts - you'll be glad you did!